Wants To Try again but Im scared...

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Re: Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by holly3372@msn.com » Fri Aug 31, 2012 09:38 am

Like everyone is saying yes we are all scared! You are not alone. I delivered my son at 26 weeks , he lived for 4 months in the Nicu and we lost him. More then anything I was afraid of ever seeing another baby go through even one day of what my son did. I was and am still afraid of losing my own life. I did see several MFM's until I found one I felt comfortable with. I asked questions. I also had many blood tests done to check for any clotting or autoimune disorders. One doctor tole me that even if i were a healthy 25 year old woman with no high risk history, he still couldn't tell me for sure everyting will be ok. Each Pregnancy is so different . It's a roll of the dice I know.

Two years after losing our son I am now 40 years old. I think what pushed me most was the fact that we have no other children. I didn't have the stress/worry of something happening to me and leaving a child motherless.I imagine that is so so hard! Today I am 18 weeks pregnant. I am scared but hopeful. I think whatever happens, I needed to try again. I know the scariest part of this pregnancy is yet to come. I just have to keep going and brave it through, I hear in the end when you do get to actually take home your baby.....it is all so worth it!!!!! ;)

Re: Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by angieb » Thu Aug 30, 2012 10:18 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss.

In my first pregnancy, I got sick and had to deliver at 23 weeks and our daughter passed away. My 2nd pregnancy was relatively uneventful- DS was born at 36 wks- no pre-e or hellp. I'm in my third pregnancy and a few hours away from 29 weeks, so almost 6 weeks farther than we made it the first time, no real signs of trouble, even my doctors are pretty confident this time might be the easiest pregnancy yet.

So yes, there are many of us here who lost babies and went on to have healthy pregnancies the next time. Pregnancy again is definitely extremely stressful (though this third time has been much easier- it helps having a toddler to chase around all day and keep me busy.)I wasn't really afraid of dying, once our daughter died, I was okay with dying with her if it happened and was pretty angry for a long time later that I survived and she didn't. But I have an OB and MFM that I trust and I know they take my concerns seriously and are not going to let things get that bad. I am comfortable I know the signs and symptoms and what to watch out for and am comfortable calling them or even just going in to the hospital if something comes up. Most of the women in the US and similar countries who die from preeclampsia, it happens in their first pregnancies. They may think what they are experiencing is normal, they may not have a medical professional taking them very seriously, etc. In a subsequent pregnancy, you are hyperaware of ANYTHING that might be trouble, and hopefully you will have a medical team you trust and that will take you seriously and monitor you closely.

Re: Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by caryn » Thu Aug 30, 2012 08:42 pm

They've said women with this condition often develop post-traumatic stress disorder, but it doesn't make sense to me to call it PTSD, because you're not post-trauma. You're thinking seriously about *going back in*, and the potential crisis isn't over yet.

One thing that can help is to consider the risk you run when you drive to the grocery store. It's probably quite a lot higher than the risk you run getting pregnant again with good care, but you're used to it. :) The risk to the fetus is however fairly high for some women depending upon their underlying conditions, because the way they protect *you* is to deliver, regardless of gestational age. But in most subsequent pregnancies preeclampsia appears later, and more mildly. So another thing that can be very helpful is to talk to a MFM about how a subsequent pregnancy would be managed. Since you developed PE at 27 weeks last time, have they checked for any underlying conditions that might be predisposing your pregnancies to become preeclamptic, and could those conditions be better managed? Would they give you steroids at symptom onset to mature fetal lungs? At what point would you be admitted for close observation and quick delivery if necessary?

I hope this helps.

Re: Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by princess purr » Thu Aug 30, 2012 04:44 pm

It has been almost 8 years for me and my story is very similar to yours, except I lost a little girls. I'm still scared, I go back and forth and back and forth... I think being scared is perfectly normal. Best thing to do is talk to some docs, make sure you feel comfortable with them taking care of you, and I am thinking that atleast now everyone will be watching really closely for the first sign that something is going wrong, where last time it was a complete surprise.

Re: Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by sam10 » Tue Aug 28, 2012 08:50 pm

Yes, I am. You are not alone. PE leaves most of us who had developed PE traumatized. It affects us women, our partners, our families and changes our lives forever, especially if we lose a child because of it. It helped me to muster up the courage to try again by getting as healthy as possible, getting checked over by the best doctors available. But the most important part is that i built a network of people who are seeing me through this pregnancy. My therapist, my MFM and a few good friends and family.
Perhaps the first step is to get a pre- consult with an MFM, so s/he can assess your current health, test you for underlying disorders ( if that has not been done yet) and your case of PE. Based on that the MFM should be able to provide you with a risk factor of re- occurrence.
It is certainly not an easy decision to try again. I wish you the best of luck and let us know how it goes. I am so sorry you had to lose your precious baby. Sending you hugs.

Wants To Try again but Im scared...

Post by KRobinson » Tue Aug 28, 2012 08:24 pm

I had severe pre-eclampsia at 27 weeks with my son which caused him to be delivered via emergency c-section. He passed away a few short hours later. I was told the next day that they were afraid they were going to lose me as well. I had bp's in the 200/100 ranges...I am wanting to try to get pregnant again, but I am afraid to get this close to death again and put my family, my husband, myself, and god forbid another baby through this trauma. We have contemplated Surrogacy, however I would like to hear some stories from experience. Anyone else afraid of dying after an ordeal such as this??? :?