Michelle,
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I'm coming up on my son's birthday in five weeks. I only lost him 5 months ago. I know it's going to be a hard day for me as well. I understand when you say it is comforting to know that you will always grieve on that day. I feel the same way. It's so good to know there are other people out there who understand. I too hope that God will give you understanding or at least peace in your heart about your loss. I don't know if there are always answers, but I know that peace can be achieved. I wish you and your family the best.

Heather

Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with baby # 2 Feb 1, 2005

Michelle ~ I agree there is nothing like a mother's love and grief. I hope the day was as peaceful as possible.

HUGS

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

Michelle,

I know there are no words to make it easier but, I know how much prayers and thoughts mean at a time like this, please know that we are here for you.

Praying for peace and comfort,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

I'm so sorry about Hudson, Michelle. I can see
how an anniversary can be a tough time. It seems
that your forgetfulness is your way of trying to
"cope" with the tragedy that you have experienced upon
losing Hudson. I hope you had a peaceful day today.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
Moderator- Foro Latino
Future Adoptive Mom

My name is Michelle and I have posted on different forums for two years now. I first came to know of this wonderful group after I lost Hudson to preeclampsia at 6 months 2 years ago today. I am not sure what I have to say today except I feel so much loss and sadness.

The week before his birthday last year I was not feeling well and in a depressed mood. I did not remember the significance of the date until 2 days before his birthday. Then my mood made sense to me although I was so shocked that I had blocked it out.

The same thing happened again this year. On Friday it just hit me that today would be the 25th. I have such a good memory for things good and bad I just can't get why I can block this out.

Most of the people in my family did not say anything to me about Hudson today. I do not know if they have forgotten or if they just did not know what to say. That does not matter. I believe a mother's grief is so deep and personal words do not make much difference.

I have realize that I will always grieve on this day. I am in some ways comforted by that. I just wanted people who understand where I have been to know what I was feeling today.

I will close this letter and I will kiss Travler, my 10 month old. I will pray for God go give me understanding and I will pray for those who have lost as I have.

Thank you for listening.

Michelle

Michelle