Hang in there... It does take time and nobody can tell you how long it will take to start healing. The only one that knows that answer is you. Take all the time you need- Don't let anyone tell you any different -how you should feel.



Hugs
~T

Mommy to
Drew(13)
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) and little bud (Due 09/11/04)http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509

Thank You. I appreciate your honest response. I guess I
am in a different place than you are in your mourning. I
feel so saddened by what has happened to my son. I am
making it through, but I feel so hurt with God over this!
I am not spiritually motivated at all. When I go to church
I feel like I am just going through the motions.
I am also not motivated to read my bible much. I have been
asking different friends how they would feel if this had
happened to them? Their responses have made me feel less
crazy and unspiritual.

Take Care,

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03

Gloria...

You never get past the what if's or the why's... I still ask myself each and everyday what would I do if something goes wrong with this pregnancy and I just have to leave it all up to God's hands. He blessed us with a special child for me Katlyne was a little girl who touched so many lives- she had a special project from the start. I would ask over and over again for complete healing for her and she was completely healed the day she went to be in his arms. Was I angry? - you bet ya, I would just go thru the steps of going to church but it really was a blur as I could not worship since I was still angry that my little girl was gone. On one hand we were blessed with a wonderful little girl and then next min she was taken away from us. But I know she is right there next to me each and everyday. I feel the sun and know that she is shinning down on me. Believe me, it takes time to heal and some never heal but never forget that you have a special baby in heaven. After many months I can finally enjoy church again and yes, I still have bad days but they seem to be less and less.

My blessings to you and your family.... I do wish for peace and comfort for you I will cont to pray for you!....




Hugs
~T

Mommy to
Drew(13)
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) and little bud (Due 09/11/04)http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509

Dear AngelKat and (all who have had losses in the past)

How do you get past the realization that- this may happen again?
I remember the roller coaster ride once things started to go
wrong in my pregnancy... I fought hard to be optimistic and
knew that God could do anything to show us his miracles.
Even after I delivered and my son was just over a pound I
thought that God could use this to show his glory and power.
(Which he could've but he chose not to). The prayers by all
my friends and congregation...the fasting... I guess the
hardest thing about it is that it is not something material
like a house or car. -It's your child! Your own flesh and
blood, whom you'd give your life for in order to protect....
And if they are in a better place with God, why bring them
here?

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 born @ 26wks Pre e

I want to extend my thoughts out to you. While I am among the lucky who's children survived through my ordeals with PE, I can somewhat understand the gloom and despair as your due date approaches. Not only are you dealing with the loss of your child, but also the loss of your pregnancy and the ideals you had about it. That alone can be overwhelming.

Erin

Moderator - First Time Moms, Parents of Preemies
Interm Chapter President - St. Louis/Missouri
Mommy to Alex and Mason

Gloria....

I can remember the same thoughts. I really think it's part of our healing process. My DH and I often wondered what if we did get preg again what would our chances be... Well, after speaking with our peri and looking over and over my records we did decide to move forward and start the road of TTC again. It was a very hard decision to make but, we prayed about it for a long time. On Katlyne's first birthday my husband told me that he was ready to try again and wanted to start the process again (infertility treatments). We were very blessed to get preg on our first cycle.

I will always keep you in my prayers for strength and comfort.


Hugs
~T

Mommy to
Drew(13)
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) and little bud (Due 09/11/04)http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!


Yesterday I got the pictures we took of Josiah before he passed.
They were so hard to see, but I felt like I needed to see them.
His condition had deteriorated so much.. It was really hard to
see what our child ended up like after having so many plans for
him and wanting to give the world to him.(Not to mention that we
had prayed for his little being for years.
Even before TTC)I've been thinking that it would be hard to take
the risk of this happening again in the future. Of course we want children but I feel like the stakes are too high. Adoption is becoming the only option for us. I don't know if anybody who has lost a precious baby can relate to how I'm feeling? I feel like, "how can I risk bringing another precious little one into
this world to have him suffer?

Today I was told of a woman who was pregnant with twins and
developed pre eclampsia. Her twins were delivered at 31 weeks
but at some point developed horrible brain hemorraging. I
just couldn't believe this- at 31 weeks a baby should be okay!
Well, unfortunately they are severely disabled. Mom has to take
care of them full time. My heart went out to her. She is really
having a hard time and it seems like she will soon be putting
them into a baby nursery.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03

Hello,

I know exactly what you are going through. I had my baby girl on Nov 29th 2003. She lived for 7 days in the NICU. I do not know how to get through this and it seems to be getting worse. We can only hope that once we make it passed the due date, we can start to heal. My due date is March 9th, and it is really hard right now to think that I should still be pregnant. Please write to me if you ever want to talk
Kristen

disneyfreak@t-online.de

Thank You for sharing. I think I know what you mean. What I still
can't seem to "grasp" is the concept of celebrating his life. It's
just hard for me to accept that God could've pulled him through, but decided not to[V]. I wanted to give my baby so much and it really
hurts everything he went through. Friends I was pregnant with
have all been giving birth. I have been staying away because it's
too painful to see what they have which I feel I should have too
and was stolen from me.
Take care,

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 born @ 26wks Pre e

Gloria,

My due date was 10/25/03, I delivered in July and my son passed away 5 days later. When the calendar hit 10/1/03, I felt as though the grief was starting all over. I had such plans for October, all of them included bringing home a healthy baby... I had a friend who lost her 1st little one to HELLP tell me that the anticipation of the due date was worse than the day itself. I thought she was crazy at first but, after the day had passed, in some ways I agreed with her. All the days leading up to the due date were days that things "should" have happened on... I should have been packing for the hospital, I should have been feeling the baby move around, I should have been feeling contractions, I should be giving birth, etc. Once the due date passed, in some ways I felt like I could start looking towards new beginings and things that will hopefully happen in the future. Of course I still think that I "should" have a baby right now and he "should" be smiling at me and waking me through the night... but, I have been able to embrace more and more the miracle that his life was and focus on that. I am forever grateful for him and will also forever mourn that I will never have him here with me.

Praying for you,

Julie (26)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Southern California Chapter President