In a way, I would almost see this new friend to your daughter as your son's way of telling you he is ok and it is ok to move on a little while of course always holding him in your heart. I am not an overly spiritual person but I think things manifest because of what we need in our lives. I think it might be a sign telling you that it is ok to love him and miss him.

Jaymee, I feel your pain. I think this is a different stage of grief, the what if stage. When what would have been Griffin's 4th birthday passed this February I started spending a lot of time dwelling on what he would have been like and what our lives would have been like with three kids around instead of 2. It comes and goes and it really s*cks. No words of advice, just an understanding shoulder to cry on.

I am in a similar situation. One of my good friends and I were pregnant at the same time, we actually had the same due date. Well we lost our son and she had a healthy daughter. She has been a great friend through our loss, and we are still close friends, and so are our daughters. It was very hard the first year. Seeing her "baby" so often. But now time has not heeled the pain but has numbed the pain. Most of the time I can be around her and not think of my little guy, but their are still days 4 years later, that I wonder. It was defiantly harder at first, but that is not to say that I don't still have a bad day once in a while. I have certain times of the year that I will purposely not see her, like on my sons birthday, death day, our due date, and I will not go to her birthday parties, we just send a gift, just because of how hard they are for me. Luckly my friend does understand.

I don't really think it's insanity, but just another part of grief. For myself I expect that even when the acute pain of my daughter's death fades I will always grieve her. I've heard that this can come up at times exactly like you've described. Did you see a counselor after your son's death? If so, calling her and checking in might help. Or calling a friend or family member who knew Moe and visited him, someone who loved him too. Or if it's been awhile since you got out your son's pictures or clothes, get them out one afternoon. Does your daughter know about Moe? Maybe she'd like to hear about her big brother. Just some thoughts, but I don't know what's right for you.

Jaymee...it's so hard for us not to wonder about what life would be like right now if things were different. I do the same thing. Seeing and meeting the little boy, wow, that would have turned me inside out too. I wish I had something brilliant to say that would help ease the pain that you're going through. Hoping that you feel better in the days ahead while you celebrate Sam's birthday. You're in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))

I feel your pain. I lost my baby 4 months ago and that has been the biggest pain any mother can go thru. When having my baby the contractis were painful but not as much as the pain of knowing my baby was not coming home after carrying her for 6 months. I cry almost everyday and as I write I am in in pain. I ask always why me but we have to be strong for our little ones at home.



quote:Originally posted by jaymee444

OK. I KNOW HERE I GO AGAIN BUT I AM REALLY LOST THIS TIME AROUND.
MY daughter befriended a kid at school. He was in the nicu at the same time as my son. He is a great kid, the same age my son would have been and that is hard for me.. HIs mom is awesome, etc etc. It brings up feelings I can't even understand myself.
Then my daughter is having her 4th birthday party this week. All I can think of is how much I lmiss my son, Moe. How sad I am and wonder what he would have been like.. Its just too much for me and I am crying at the drop of a hat.. Any clue on what to do to STOP THIS INSANITY?

OK. I KNOW HERE I GO AGAIN BUT I AM REALLY LOST THIS TIME AROUND.
MY daughter befriended a kid at school. He was in the nicu at the same time as my son. He is a great kid, the same age my son would have been and that is hard for me.. HIs mom is awesome, etc etc. It brings up feelings I can't even understand myself.
Then my daughter is having her 4th birthday party this week. All I can think of is how much I lmiss my son, Moe. How sad I am and wonder what he would have been like.. Its just too much for me and I am crying at the drop of a hat.. Any clue on what to do to STOP THIS INSANITY?