Trying for #2 after a loss.

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Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by angieb » Thu Mar 03, 2011 11:55 pm

I was talking about TTC again before we'd even been discharged from the hospital, not because I thought I could replace our daughter, but because I needed something hopeful to cling on to, I was pretty ticked off that I was still alive and our baby wasn't.

I had underlying condition tests done at 6 weeks postpartum- blood clotting disorders, etc. You may want to ask your doctor about that since you did have HELLP, you definitely want to be 6 weeks postpartum as pregnancy hormones that may still be in your system can throw the results off. But also know that since you got sick so late that they might not test for it as I think it's probably unlikely that they will find anything underlying. (I think generally people with underlying conditions get sick much earlier.) Also, definitely have a consult with a high risk doctor/MFM/peri before you conceive, just to help you lay out a game plan for how your next pregnancy will be managed...what meds they will put you on, what kind of monitoring they should do, etc. --it's helpful to have that worked out before you start.

My OB said to wait 3 months. My MFM said to wait 6 months. --Both recs because of my classical c-section incision needing time to heal. In reality, we stopped using protection at 6 weeks, started actively trying again at 3 months postpartum, and started fertility treatments at around 6 months postpartum. It was about 11 months after we lost our daughter that I conceived, so I was really glad I hadn't waited as long as my doctors had initially recommended. If I hadn't anticipated fertility issues (it took 1.5 year to conceive the first time for us), I probably would have followed their recs. Emotionally, it was tough (and it's even harder to be pregnant again, at least in my opinion), but I don't think it really would have made it easier to wait.

I'm very very sorry for your loss.

Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by riehlism » Thu Mar 03, 2011 08:55 pm

I am so sorry for your loss and all that you have experienced. I lost my son last June at 24+6 from PE and HELLP. A few weeks after I immediately wanted another baby. But after seeing a grief counselor with my husband I realized I wanted an immediate replacement for the son I lost. That probably would not set me up well for another baby. So I continued with my grief counselor until I felt that I could my son in his place in my heart and mind.

I was very lucky to have an amazing husband who went through counseling and the grief process with me every step of the way. That really helped to come to acceptance.

We started trying again about 5 months postpartum. My MFM said to wait 8 months, since I had a classical c-section and that needs time to fully heal. But something told me we were going to have a hard time conceiving. I didn't trust that my cycle would be fine. I was right. My cycle limped along. I had to go on Clomid.

I am pregnant now...maybe 5 weeks along. I have an OB appt for an ultrasound next week so I will know how far along I am at that time.

Some suggestions for you that worked for me:
- See a grief counselor or a therapist. It really does make a difference to have someone guide you through your thoughts, and to help you cope with awkward situations (eg: someone making small talk asking how many kids you have, people making stupid comments like "Oh, yeah. I know how you feel"). Plus, it probably emotionally sets you up better for baby #2.

-Talk with your MFM about running a thrombophilia panel to see if there are underlying causes. At least there will be a tentative plan in place for you when the time comes. I saw an MFM and a hematologist, due to the blood clots that form in the placenta from preeclampsia. Together with my OB and now RE, we have a plan to get me a baby.

-Above all, find out about preeclampsia. Over the last few months I've learned a lot from the ladies on this site. I am really grateful to have found this place where we can be candid about our fears, our worries, and hope for future mommies and babies.

Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by annamarie89 » Thu Mar 03, 2011 02:55 pm

I have a dr. apt. with my ob tomorrow... and I plan on asking her about when is an ok time for us to start trying again (emotionaly.. and medically.)

Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by timelessbeauty » Wed Mar 02, 2011 02:50 pm

I had lost my son at 24 weeks due to severe PE and HELLP syndrome. I had to wait for three months while I underwent testing with my Peri to see if I had any underlying issues that could be detected, like a blood clotting disorder, lupus, etc. After we did the tests, I was pregnant within two months after that and was very fortunate to give birth to a healthy baby girl. I had heard some say wait a year because the body needs time to recover and others say to try when you feel ready.

I pray you are able to have an in depth conversation with your doctor or team of doctors to formulate any sort of game plan to help with the next pregnancy. Your daughter is beautiful and my heart is with you.

Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by cmccaffrey » Wed Mar 02, 2011 02:08 am

Annamarie, I am so sorry that you lost your baby. I felt the same way after I lost my son in October, but like Kerisue I had a classical c-section so it will be a while before we actively ttc. I also feel that I am emotionally not strong enough to be pregnant again. As much as I feel the need to be a mother and have a child in my life... it's mostly just me wanting to be a mother to my Mason. After everything that happened, I have decided to look into what caused my pre-e. I have been going through lots of testing. I have also been looking into high-risk obstetricians and I am having a preconception consultation in a few weeks. Before you head into another pregnancy, I would see what your doctors have to say.

Re: Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by kerisue » Tue Mar 01, 2011 09:58 pm

Annamarie, I'm so so sorry about Ryleigh. That picture of her is absolutely gorgeous. I know that after my baby died I wanted to try again immediately because my arms literally ached with emptiness. But I felt that I needed some time to grieve properly for Millie and I also had to recover from a classical c-section so I didn't. Even last month when I talked with my doctor about trying again he felt I wasn't emotionally ready. But I know some start trying very quickly after a loss. It's a decision you and your spouse need to make in consultation with your doctor. Part of what I struggle with is still wanting Millie back- I haven't completely accepted her loss, and that can complicate your feelings about a new baby. Whatever you decide, you'll find support here though.

Trying for #2 after a loss.

Post by annamarie89 » Tue Mar 01, 2011 06:32 pm

I lost my baby on January 30th. After loosing my baby I feel like something is missing.. my maternal instincts won't disapear.

My two questions are...

How long did it take you to try again?

And how long after your loss did it take you to get pregnant again?