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Missing Molly

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Re: Missing Molly

Post by MissingMolly » Tue Dec 06, 2011 02:30 am

Thank you, holly3372, and I'm so sorry for your loss, as well as for yours, mom to Angel.

I struggle every day, whether it's with my sadness, anger, or guilt. I know these feelings will always be there--I guess it's just a matter of learning to live with them. I just miss my baby so much, and I keep wondering if it really had to happen the way it did. Since I can't go back and change anything I wonder if it's productive at all to think about it, but I do. One thing that makes me so sad and angry is that I feel like my baby was treated as if she were a throw-away baby. I don't know--I'm just so confused and overwhelmed by what happened. I try to understand, but I just don't. I just don't understand why my baby had to die.

Re: Missing Molly

Post by holly3372@msn.com » Sat Dec 03, 2011 09:58 am

I am so so sorry you had to know this pain. Your story brought instant tears, I understand and can relate as many on here can to the shock,pain,and despair you are going through. I wish you peace and send you strength from a mother that has suffered loss to another. Please be easy with yourself,this is by far the worst thing any human being will ever go through and the grieving is different for everyone. Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures of Molly. She will never be forgotten. xoxo

Re: Missing Molly

Post by Angel11611 » Thu Dec 01, 2011 03:42 am

I'm so sorry for your Molly, she is beautiful, I too lost my little girl @ 30wks & 5Dys to a Placenta Abruption a few weeks ago.. here's my story.. This was my first pregnancy and everything was going so great never had food cravings only had heartburn from time to time my weight was just right. This just happened on 11/6/11 I went to the dr on Halloween for a follow up as my feet had been getting a little swollen and dr sent to the the hospital to have my protein checked and it was high and they then said I had preeclampsia and high protein in my urine. Dr said be ready to have your baby by end of month @ 34weeks.. well i took the news well said to myself if i have to stay here for my safety and the babies health then so be it... things all week were going just fine my baby had just turned 30 weeks on 11/1 so dr was saying how everything is looking good with the protein Sunday morning nurses came in monitored babies heartbeat and then around 11:30 drs came in to do ultrasound and monitor the fluid around the placenta.. dr said enjoy your sunday we will see you again tomorrow if you need anything buzz your nurse.. off they went... had a coworker visit and we were talking she brought me a cute gift for the baby since she knew by end of month baby would be born.. Suddenly I felt the urge to pee and soon as I got up from bed I just bled... my coworker ran to get nurse and they came in a rush and then tried to hear the heartbeat and did an ultrasound and next thing i know I'm going in for a csection wake up and my family and husband are in the room only to be told my baby girl did not make it... She is so precious and beautiful and i cant understand how something so innocent could have been taken away from us. We had to bury her on Friday and i still feel i'm in a nightmare I cant wake up from....verything was fine on sunday morning till I was being wheeled to the ER... and everything till this day is a blur
I never in my 34 yrs of wildest dreams expect to bury my daughter. my very first Angel. I held her in the hospital and she looked so healthy she just needed to out on a few more pounds but she looked so beautiful. she looked so peaceful I am so devastated and i know my friends and family try to console us but they dont know why we are suffering unless they have experienced the same issue. My husband and I were looking so forward to being parents and its all we talked about. i have to keep faith and believe God would not put me thru the same pain.
I wish I had the right words to say but I do know what your feeling.. xoxo

Re: Missing Molly

Post by MissingMolly » Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:10 am

Thank you all for your sweet words, and I'm sorry for your losses as well.

There are little moments when I feel okay because I know that Molly will always be my baby, and I will cradle her in my heart forever--so in that sense, she's always with me.

But then there are days like today, when I'm full of tears and pain and longing. I didn't know her for very long, but I love and miss her with an intensity that is astounding and consuming.

I would never put the same responsibility or blame or recriminations on anyone here the way I do on myself. Even though I know intellectually that there wasn't anything I could have done to change things (which is a very frustrating thought in itself because how am I going to prevent it from happening in the future?), I still feel like I failed to protect my child.

I miss her so, so much. My beautiful, innocent, precious girl. There will never be another Molly. Ever. And that is just heartbreaking.

Re: Missing Molly

Post by uncskristy » Sun Nov 27, 2011 07:49 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Molly is so beautiful. I would like to say the pain lessens but it is more that you learn to function with the pain. No one should ever have to lose a child. While I hate that you or anyone has to find this forum I hope by realizing that you are not alone and there are a bunch of us who understand.

Re: Missing Molly

Post by cmccaffrey » Sun Nov 27, 2011 04:39 am

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss and that your daughter was just gorgeous. We are 14 months out from losing our baby boy and I still feel guilty every single day. I know that I couldn't have done anything differently and that I had no control over my body, but that still doesn't make me feel less responsible. Just more frustrated that I am one of those women who has trouble doing what comes natural to our gender. It gets a little easier after a while. I don't cry as much as I used to (or at least on the outside or in public). The pain of losing your sweet Molly will never leave you, it will just make your life and the way you live your life different.

I hope you find some answers and peace in all that testing. *HUGS and Prayers*
-Christa

Missing Molly

Post by shiladae » Sun Nov 27, 2011 08:28 am

She's beautiful... She remind me of my daughter. Nur is 27 weeks when she left us due to severe pre eclampsia.
Agree with Susannah. You are not alone and this is a place where many understand the long, slow journey to recovery.
It’s already 28 days she left us. But she always here in our heart. You take care dear….
Love, Shila

Re: Missing Molly

Post by flori » Sun Nov 27, 2011 08:00 am

Your beautiful Molly brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing her pictures with us.

Re: Missing Molly

Post by kerisue » Sat Nov 26, 2011 11:10 am

Thank you for sharing the pics of Molly. She is so beautiful, infinitely precious.

Re: Missing Molly

Post by susheli » Fri Nov 25, 2011 08:28 am

She was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these pictures with us. I'm so sorry that this disease has taken her from you. I am glad you found these forums - they have been a lifeline for many of us who went through severe PE and HELLP. I read your post filled with love and longing and didn't want to not reply. LIke many of us who came close to your loss and know that, I care and reach out to you. This disease makes so little sense, and we still have so few answers. Whether we have lost our precious babies or had to watch them suffer in NICU units, we ask the questions you ask, over and over. Why did my body fail my child? What could have been done differently? I know from speaking with many doctors that once the condition is established very early in pregnancy before we know it, nothing can be done to alter its course but all you did do, which is seek medical help. Doctors hate early onset preeclampsia especially because they too feel so helpless faced with trying to treat patients with so little available to save lives. Our hope is that there are many who are fighting for a cure in the memory of the lives lost like your sweet Molly's. I recently attended the Preeclampsia Foundation's yearly gala event and was deeply moved by sitting at the table with three researchers who have devoted their lives to trying to understand and overcome this disease. I know this won't and can't ease your pain, but wanted to express something that meant a lot to me as I dealt with the aftermath of preeclampsia: you are not alone and this is a place where many understand the long, slow journey to recovery. Come here as often as you need to.
Warmly,
Susannah

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