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What to do about.......advice

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Expand view Topic review: What to do about.......advice

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by wooleybear » Sun Jul 01, 2012 08:04 am

"It's of course so different than how we planned and how we wanted, and yet there are bonds between a mommy and child that are truly just never ever broken. Each step you've taken since your daughter was born will be that much different because she was here- she'll always be making a difference in your life, and in turn the lives of others."


That really touched my heart, thank you. And yes I hope one day I will be telling her little sis or brother about her. :)

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by MomTimesThree » Fri Jun 29, 2012 09:36 am

We just celebrated our daughter's 4th birthday- which also means it's been 4 years since I held her in my arms. My heart aches for you remembering what it was like just a month after. The pain is so acute- and everything feels so final. What I've found, so thankfully after 4 years is that your journey and relationship with your daughter will continue. It's of course so different than how we planned and how we wanted, and yet there are bonds between a mommy and child that are truly just never ever broken. Each step you've taken since your daughter was born will be that much different because she was here- she'll always be making a difference in your life, and in turn the lives of others.

Four years later we now have an almost 2 and a half year old, and he knows that some things are his sisters, and talks about her things- was very upset the cake was for her birthday not his... "normal" sibling things played out in the most unnormal of ways, yet there's a lil' bit of peace there knowing that our lil' angels still play such a large role in our family.

I wish you peace, and hope one day if it's what you want, you'll be pushing Soleil's stroller telling her lil' bro or sis all about their big sister.

Lauren

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by wooleybear » Wed Jun 27, 2012 07:12 am

I returned the crib, but couldn't find myself returning the stroller. It is in a box and I just packed it in the closet. Everything is down in her room or put away in the closet. It feels so empty. I put my sewing table and art stuff in her room. But I just can't help but see it as her room still. I do have a table in there where I put a kinda shrine to her with my memory box, some dried flowers from friends, and an album of memories. My apartment just feels more empty and dull. On the positive side, it did prompt me to start some drawings for her and Im turning them into prints. Yet it just feels so final now :?


I miss you so much Soleil, it has only been a month but I miss each and every day :cry:

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by Kathrynwwjd » Tue Jun 26, 2012 12:18 am

I lost my baby girl at 24 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia.

We had only bought a few items and these were second hand. A few days after coming out of hospital I packed the things away (including the moses basket) and have taken them over to my mums house to store there in the hope that I can use them one day.

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by cgoodi1 » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:34 am

I lost my baby in February at 21 weeks. I hadn't had a baby shower but since it was our first pregnancy we began buying things as soon as we entered the second trimester. We had the room all set up, stroller, car seat, etc. I packed everything away and put it inside the baby's closet however the crib, changing table and dresser are still up in the baby's room since we have no place to store it. We are hoping to eventually have a rainbow baby and plan on using the furniture and things then. The clothes we received and bought will also be used since most of them are neutral. I personally don't mind reusing the items but it's a very personal choice.

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by wooleybear » Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:44 am

Today I am going to Babies r Us to return the crib. I had a friend come over last night and take it down for me. I have the mattress and stroller ready to go too but I just can't seem to bring my self to return the stroller. Ive been crying this morning over this and can't make a decision. I don't even want to go there, but it is time to bring the crib back, it has been a month and a half and they have a 90 day return policy. I just want to run in and run out of there. So emotions going through me right now, I just wish I didn't have to do this :cry:

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by wooleybear » Tue Jun 19, 2012 03:16 am

My school donated money for me to fly home before the school year was over, after loosing Soleil at the end of May this year. So nice of them!!! I never realized how great of a support system I have there. Anyways, I returned yesterday and found something at my doorstep....something from my regristry at Target. My friend that I haven't talked to in awhile, missed my shower back in April. I didn't get a chance to tell her that I lost Soleil. There it was.... a nice expensive pac'n'play. I sent her a thank you card and explanation of what happened, lost her phone number. What is the etiquette on this one? Do I return it and send her the money back???? I wrote my number on the card, Im sure she will call so we can talk. I guess I can ask her what she wants me to do with it. Totally not her fault, just another way for the universe to " smack me in the face" and remind me of my loss :roll:


Just when I was crying about how lonely it was going to be flying back to philly with no family or anyone to come home to, I have this reminder at my door :(


Good thing my first Unite support meeting is tonight for bereaving parents :?

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by uncskristy » Mon Jun 04, 2012 11:34 am

Tight sports bras is what worked for me. Lots of tynenol. Maybe some wine :)
There is no right or wrong timeframe as to when to put things away. We put away the crib & bedding pretty quickly because when I got home from the hospital I was determined that we would not try again. The few onesies we had bought just for Cooper I could not bring myself to put on Blaine so I did not. Everything else was already a hand-me-down from our oldest to begin with so it was easier to allow Blaine to use. There is one item that I am still debating on. My husband and I both kept our baby blankets and oddly enough they were both the same yellow gingham pattern. When Davis was old enough to sleep with a blanket in the crib, my husband gave him his. I had planned on giving Cooper mine and even wrapped him up in it while he was still alive. On one hand part of me wants to give it now to Blaine because the matching yellow blankets are part of what made me realize that my husband and I were meant to be together but there is a large part of me that just can not do it.

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by MomTimesThree » Sun Jun 03, 2012 01:15 am

It's been four years since our daughter was born too early and I haven't gotten rid of anything. We've since had her lil' bro and are now expecting another and it's been very special to share some of her things with him... and with this lil' one. It feels "normal" in all it's unnormalness that their big sister is able to share her things just like any big sister would do. Her lil' bro sleeps in her room and crib... and it makes me feel good because if she was still here in our arms, not just our hearts, the same thing would have happened.

Like another poster said, there are things I won't share because they are just hers, and that feels right too. No big sister would want to share all her things.

This journey is unique.. there's no rush to make any decisions and no right ones to make- just the ones that bring you the most peace in your heart.

Re: What to do about.......advice

Post by wooleybear » Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:29 am

I was at 32 weeks when I lost Soleil so I literally just bought the crib and stroller like 2 weeks before. It feels so weird I only about 8 more weeks to go. I had a baby shower, end of April, back home(had to fly for it), so no big gifts, just clothes, some stuff was sent to me and giftcards. My baby shower in Philly with my friends here, was going to be early June, so never made it to that. Friends also donated things like car seat early on. The car seat still sits in my car. :|


yeah I have had only one occasion of leakage so far, scared there might me more, they are sore from time to time. I do from time to time rub my belly and still think she is inside there, that is hard when you realize she is not. Thanks for sharing that, I didn't even realize I was doing that. It is an eerie feeling though. Peace and love!

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