by princess purr » Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:44 am
I just need to think out loud... People ask me why when they say there is a 99% chance of something I only think about that 1%... I think being a mom of an angel does that to a person... what were my chance of getting preeclampsia? We will go high since I was over weight and say 15%... Veronica was born at 26 weeks, we will go low at 80% chance of her making it... those odds really I should have an almost 8 year old little girl right now... I think that this experience not only robbed me of my daughter but also on my out look at life in general.. I can be the voice of reason and reassurance for other people but it is always in the back of my mind... what if. I watched hunger games (hated it btw) and when they said "may the odds be always in your favor" or something along those lines it got me thinking... even with the odds in your favor it is not guarantee. My Peri appointment is Tuesday and I will listen to the odds, and gauge my husbands reaction... On thursday I have the test for my abnormal pap and and Praying that all comes back okay, because even though the "odds" are everything is fine, we all know how I feel about odds... Then we get to make the choice to go for it, wait a bit... or if it is in our best interest to go with adoption. Almost 8 years and I don't think there has been a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Wonder how my life would be right now. For the newer angel mom's, dont let me get you down, it does get better... that first year is the worst... but I still have those moments and guess I always will. Honestly I wouldn't trade them though, I wouldn't want to forget Veronica no matter how much nights like this hurt.
I just need to think out loud... People ask me why when they say there is a 99% chance of something I only think about that 1%... I think being a mom of an angel does that to a person... what were my chance of getting preeclampsia? We will go high since I was over weight and say 15%... Veronica was born at 26 weeks, we will go low at 80% chance of her making it... those odds really I should have an almost 8 year old little girl right now... I think that this experience not only robbed me of my daughter but also on my out look at life in general.. I can be the voice of reason and reassurance for other people but it is always in the back of my mind... what if. I watched hunger games (hated it btw) and when they said "may the odds be always in your favor" or something along those lines it got me thinking... even with the odds in your favor it is not guarantee. My Peri appointment is Tuesday and I will listen to the odds, and gauge my husbands reaction... On thursday I have the test for my abnormal pap and and Praying that all comes back okay, because even though the "odds" are everything is fine, we all know how I feel about odds... Then we get to make the choice to go for it, wait a bit... or if it is in our best interest to go with adoption. Almost 8 years and I don't think there has been a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Wonder how my life would be right now. For the newer angel mom's, dont let me get you down, it does get better... that first year is the worst... but I still have those moments and guess I always will. Honestly I wouldn't trade them though, I wouldn't want to forget Veronica no matter how much nights like this hurt.
