T~

There is no right or wrong way for you to be feeling right now. It is a minute by minute experience. When I was pregnant with Sam I was convinced he was going to die - but he didn't. I would lie awake rubbing my belly, praying and crying many nights. It was hard. Harder is the fact that I am having a girl this time around. Will she look just like Chloe? Chloe is my special girl... how can I love another girl? It makes me feel like the world is surreal. Yet in the same moment Chloe makes me strong.

I keep her framed pictures hanging in our home. My boys know their sister through my words. I miss her daily and have guilty feelings too. But I know that it is all normal. You are a wonderful mother and Katlyne knows that love.
Leaving the hospital with empty arms was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. To leave with Sam in my arms was one of the most wonderful things. Something I had dreamed about had finally come true.
I think the biggest thing that happened once Sam was born was that I was so in love and never let anyone hold him for a long time. Even now that he is 18 months old I cannot sleep well if he is not beside me... and I think that is the love Chloe would want us to have here on earth.

Hugs & love to you,
Suzanna

DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ It's a GIRL! Laura Elise edd 8/6/04

T-I too, like many of the other women, just cannot imagine what you must be feeling. I will say though, that my goodness, Casey is so blessed to have you. That little one has absolutely no idea how much he will be cherished, appreciated and loved. He's so blessed. Good luck with figuring out things. Much comfort and many hugs.

Allison (28)
DS-Evan, 7/19/2003. PE at 40 weeks

I just love you guys. (Cue the whale-song music). Take care!!



Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation

Hi T and Julie, I have no idea just what dealing with this will entail for you, but I wish you both well.

I hope that you don't mind me saying this, you loved Katlyne and Zachary with everything that you had, right down to the bottom of your soul for all the precious time that you had with them. The biggest gift that you can give their memories is to grasp the chance to love another child that much. So I hope that you can find a way to move forward, to be able to embrace the process without reservation. I'm sure that Zach and Katlyne know that you would have given everything you had, to have been able to do the things that you'll do for and with Casey and miracle #2 and that is surely enough for them.

Hugs and kisses

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

T,

I have no idea what to say, just wanted to send you big hugs. This is something I struggle with myself as I think about the new baby we're praying to bring home in February. I sometimes feel guilty for being so excited and hopeful. I just try and remember that it was Zach who taught me how to love so much that my heart might burst and to cherish everything I hold dear, to never take it for granted. So in that, he will be a part of every relationship I have with my future babies.

Thinking of you,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

Write a personal email to our Director of Communications--Eleni Tsigas. Her email is eleni@preeclampsia.org She had to do just this as she lost her first child Nikonia and she had another (two more actually) who were fine. I know Eleni has some pictures of Nicki in the nursery and she has made a "place" like an angel shelf for her--and I think (though not from personal experience) that thinking of your Katelyne as a special angel for Casey might be helpful--if that is a philosophy you can feel comfortable with. It helps me to think of my mom as being my angel and I feel more with her when I think that way. It helps me cope. Big hugs to you--you have been through so much. Sometimes--the healthiest and toughest thing to do is to go through the grief without a plan--because most plans end up going out the window anyway. There is no right or wrong way to feel--and maybe it will help to know that. I wish I could do more. Know we love you and are here for you every step of the way.

Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation

T,

I can not imagine what you are going through. Truely bittersweet! Again, I do not post much on this topic. Only because I am just one of those people who don't know what to say in situations like these. I could never imagine loosing a child! You have been through so very much. And to do it all with not much family around. You are a very courageous woman!

I believe that Katlyne is guiding her little brother! Her and God will make sure that you take Casey home to a beautiful family.

Email me anytime for lunch, lady!


Sherry Fisher (28)
DH: Bill (35)
Proud Mama to:
#1) Alex 1/1/94-PE
#2) Abbie 12/17/97-PIH
#3 Will 08/03/02-PP PE
#4) Anna 04/06/04 - PE
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babyfish3/
Baby Annna;
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/babyfish4/

HUGS to you T. I hope that you get peace thinking about Katlyne and how she is watching over you all. I have thought about this since we are going to try again soon. I currently have Faith's room done, just as if she was there (even though she was never home with us), I haven't been able to take anything down. I think I will feel sad to change things, but I already have a special area in the house picked out that I will have all her things, right between the nusery and my son's bedroom. Just thought I would share that, if it helps any. Everything I'm sure will be so hard and so wonderful at the same time. Thanks for sharing, I know all of us will learn so much from your experience. I hope to be there next year.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

T
Hugs to you. I cannot imagine the feelings you are going through. You are such a strong woman with a mighty angel on your shoulder!! Take care and big hugs to you!!!


Kim
Texas Chapter Coordinator

Ainsley 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/ainsleyk/

I would think that it will be bitter sweet for you.
You will be so grateful and content to bring Casey home,
but your mind will always go back to Katlyne.. Physically, you
will also see some similarites between both babies.. T, I hope
you have a much better day today. Remember that you did
everything you could for your baby girl. She knows how loved
she was by you.
PS Of all of us that post in this forum you are the first
that will go through this.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
Moderator- Foro Latino
Future Adoptive Mom