How to deal with what was to be due date

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Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by kimb » Fri Nov 21, 2003 08:42 am

Just thought I would update and let everyone know I did ok. There were of course some tears - but I think I'm hanging in there pretty good. My husband and I are off to the ocean for the weekend to spend some quality time together - the first chance since our wedding almost one year ago. Thank you to everyone for your support!! You are all amazing!

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by twolfgram » Wed Oct 29, 2003 12:55 am

Hi Ladies,

My husband and I were just talking about this last night. My due date was March 5. I was actually on a plane to CO to visit my sister for a few days. I feel "lucky" if that's what you can call it, that the due date didn't bother me. My son was born at 28 weeks due to HELLP and I was sure something like that would happen again, so the actual due date wasn't real for me. I honestly have no idea when Erik WOULD have been born, just that he was stillborn on Dec 20. The fact that it's been almost a year is astounding to me. I never thought I'd get over it, but I'm doing good! Thanks for listening!

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by julie f » Mon Oct 27, 2003 07:50 am

Kim,

I just wanted to let you know that I just made it through my due date, October 25. It was actually a very peaceful day for my husband and I. I spent the morning writing many long overdue thank you notes to people who helped so much throughout my hospital stay, the funeral and afterwards. Then we spent the rest of the day doing things that we enjoy together but never seem to find time for.

I feel like we have passed all of the days that things "should" be happening on and now, we can honor the days that we did have and look forward to future dates.

I pray that you are blessed with a very peaceful day as well.

Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by kdreher » Sun Oct 26, 2003 03:58 am

KIMB,

I think what you are doing sounds like it brings you some comfort. For a long time, I did not know what to do with myself, but as time wore on I knew I had to live. I don't remember Tylers' actual due date since the pre-e and HELLP struck at 26 wks. March 9th will always be the day he came in to the world and my life and March 23rd will be the day he became my angel in heaven. That two week period, after 8 yrs, is still very hard for me. Along with other times throughout the year.

My family has always been there for me. My son was buried with my grandmother, who had been deceased for over 15 yrs. She adored us kids! When my grandfather was ready to join my grandmother, he told my father to add Tyler's name to the headstone, 7 yrs later. What strength that brought me to see!!! For the past three years, on Tyler's birthdate, my mother drops off a card and small gift. Usually earrings, bracelet or something that has his birthstone in it. He is with me wherever I go. Just last year I had the polaroid of Tyler blown up and have an 8x10 hanging next to my bed.

Give yourself some time and you will know what fells right!


Kris (34)
DH, Tom (33)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks pe/HELLP)

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net or kstevens@cga.uscg.mil

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by sweetiesuzy » Sun Oct 19, 2003 07:35 am

Kim,
I have just been reading through all of these posts. My husband and I got married July 2001 and I became pregnant on our homeymoon! Then Chloe died. I feel your pain and I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. Chloe's first year for her due date was very hard. My husband and I spent the day together. It really, just to be honest, sucked. To make it all worse... I had my period that day. A real YOU AREN'T PREGNANT slap in the face. But somehow the day came and went. I miss her everyday. My grief has changed, but she is forever a part of me and has forever changed my life.
I will keep in you thought during the difficult time. Maybe you could do something special to honor her... even if it is simply lighting a candle and talking to her in your own special way.
((HUGS))
Suzanna

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." - Thoreau
DS 3/25/95
DD Stillbirth 10/26/01
DS 12/30/02



Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by taras mom » Thu Oct 16, 2003 07:01 am

That's a great idea! Tara's NICU (at the UW) had little quilts and hats and booties donated by Quilters Anonymous. We keep them with her ultrasounds, hospital bracelet, and other treasures. Someone out there was thinking of our Mighty Girl before she was even born!

We had her birthstone added to our wedding rings, too. It reminds me of when she WAS born rather than when she should have been.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (39)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by kimb » Thu Oct 16, 2003 05:52 am

Thank you to all of you. I have put in to take that week off from work - but told my boss I'll decide what I am doing for sure when the time comes - it's too hard to know yet. Unfortunately my husband won't be able to take the time off - but he was there during the time we were pregnant with Will - he was unemployed and able and willing to go to every dr appt with me and was able to stay by my side during both hospital stays. It is just amazing what being pregnant does to you. Mike and I were just married 10 1/2 months ago and hadn't planned on children - then there was William - an unexpected little miracle - and then just as surprisingly as he was there....he was gone. He was cremated and is here at home with us and I talk to him every day. I always make handmade quilts for friends when they have babies and I am thinking of using that week (if I take it off) to make a bunch of small quilts to donate to the hospital where I had Will. I know how much it meant to me to have the little handmade outfit for Will that someone had made and donated and the memory box I will cherish forever. I thought maybe a quilt from one mommy with empty arms to another might be nice - either for the mommy to keep and have something to hold or for the baby. It's a pain I never want any mommy to feel again - but if I can help to comfort a little I would like that ( my husband even said he would help!)Thank you all again!

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by lawsontx » Thu Oct 16, 2003 08:41 am

My due date would have been June 25th, so I know exactly what you are going through. It fell on a Wednesday, so my husband and I took the day off. We had a quiet lunch and then went to buy the things we would need to plant a garden.

Faith is buried in an old, small, private cemetery that does not have restrictions. The headstone is in front of the grave, so we had to literally plant the garden on top of her grave to have the flowers behind the headstone. 6 hours, 2 sunburns, and a lot of tears later Faith had a beautiful garden of flowers on her grave. We plan on creating a similar garden in our backyard when we buy a home.

It was not as difficult as I thought it would be, and it was actually a turning point in my life. I woke up the next morning feeling like a lot of the heaviness on my heart was gone. I finally felt that we had completely laid Faith to rest, and she was letting us know that it was time to move on without her.

Let it be a day of healing and follow your heart. I pray that it will be an easy day for you.

-Jessica

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by kim » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:50 am

AngelKat,
I just wanted to say that your strength amazes me.

Kim
Ainsley Kathryn 11/26/02-36 Weeks Preeclampsia
http://home.austin.rr.com/schwintz

Re : How to deal with what was to be due date

Post by angelkat » Wed Oct 15, 2003 07:35 am

I was blessed to have our little girl here on her due date but she passed away 1 week afterwards. Her first birthday is quickly coming up and we have decided to celebrate Katlyne's life by having a Huge campaign of Lulliby tapes for the NICU when she spent her life. We contacted 100's of companies and asked for donations but only one company offered and that was the Beanie Baby (TY) company. I am pleased to share they have donated 100 beanie babies to the St. Louis Children Hospital NICU on my daughter behalf. Since today is pregnancy loss and infant loss we are sending balloons up to Katlyne later today when all of us are here to watch them go up to her.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers for strength and comfort....

Hugs
~T


Mommy to
Drew(12)
Ky (10)
and our Angel Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) forever in our hearts and thoughts
http://www.forevernetwork.com/Archive/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=%2FArchives%2FMountHope&CFID=1089289&CFTOKEN=79068509

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