Are you willing to try again?????

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by lisac » Mon Mar 15, 2004 07:01 am

Hi Anika--
Was it your parents that I recently met at our N. Calif. chapter meeting? If not, then there is another couple who also just had a loss due to pre-e in S. Africa.

I would love to correspond (had a loss as well) with you if that was your parents who I met a few weeks ago. They are wonderful people. I hope you are doing ok considering the circumstances.

Take care,
Lisa

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by for faith » Mon Mar 15, 2004 04:35 am

Anika - So glad that your appointment with your dr. was helpful. I hope that these months ahead give you peace. We are still searching if TTC again is what we can do, physically and emotionally. My dr. says I have a 15% chance of it occuring again. My bp has become normal, but it told a month or so to get there and have no proteins. I also had 5 days of magnesium (which was horrible) and a c-section, so know I need to wait a while for that to heal too. I am hoping by late summer to TTC. Good luck to you.





Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - almost 4
Angel baby - January 2003 (11 weeks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (born at 30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC (intestinal premie complication))

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by amillhouse » Sat Mar 13, 2004 07:22 am

I think a good way to determine whether or not you will TTC again is through an informed decision. Yesterday I had my six-week (well seven weeks because I couldn't get an appt.) check-up with my gynie. I really didn't know what to expect but it was very positive. He sat with us before doing a scan and checking of my wound. He explained how Isaiah's death had affected him and all of his staff. By the way they sent me the most beautiful bouquet. Anyway, he wanted to basically know if we had any regrets for the way things were handled, his management, etc. I gave an emphatic, "No!" I told him I would do it all again just to know my son for that precious four weeks. Moreover, before my gynie got back from vacation, I was on bedrest in hospital and his colleagues were watching over me. They wanted to end the pregnancy then at 24 weeks when it is pretty clear that the baby is likely not to be "viable." Most of us know that 11 days is the normal expected time to go before having to deliver. Well, I went 29 days! If it had not been for my gynie's careful watch over my condition and stretching it out as long as we could, I may not have seen my son alive. Isaiah's death had nothing to do with my gynie, but I believe his life did. So, after listening to my side of things, he also said, he would not have managed anything differently, that he would treat me and any other patient in the same condition with the same medical management. I was so happy to hear his confidence in how he handled things - who wants a wimp for a doctor anyway?!?!? We then talked about the future and the research I have been doing through this website, internet, and some of the top pre-e experts here in South Africa and in the States. He was shocked at all the work I had done, especially talking on the phone to some of his professors (well, I didn't know they were his professors at the time [^]). So we talked about calcium, low dose aspirin (called Disprin here), etc. He didn't realise that we would still be living here for the next three or more years, so we told him and that he would be my gynie, I'm not going to anyone else. And all the experts I have spoken with here, on their own initiative, said they would be more that happy to work with us through our gynie on any future pregnancies. All this to say that my appt. made me feel positive about the future. As I said before, my DH and I have not decided definitively that we will TTC again but we are acting like we have. If so, TTC will start in October. Lots to do between now and then - emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally. So, all of the information I have gathered has made me feel empowered. Some of it has been scary, but ignorance is no longer bliss for those of us who have experienced pre-e/HELLP.

Anika (32, severe pre-e)
Mommy's Angel Boy: Isaiah (1/20/04 - 2/17/04)
Born at 28 weeks 1 day gestation weighing 610 grams

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by mada » Sat Mar 13, 2004 05:51 am

Hi Cindy,
I was wondering how you were doing. Good to hear from you. I am glad you and your husband are on the same page about everything. Goodluck ttc!! And of course a new baby wouldn't replace Glen...but you seem to have a healthy attitude about everything which is good to hear. Take good care and let us know how things are going!!

Mada Harpster

Sam 6-29-00 36weeks P.E.
Ben 11-03-01 No P.E.

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by theboyzmom » Fri Mar 12, 2004 05:12 am

My DH and I just made the choice to try again. Really, we both made it before we lost Glen at 38 weeks (cord accident). We both want more children and have always felt so. This is a second marrage for both of us with ex's that did not want more kids (he has 3 and I have 2). Glen can not be replaced but he can have siblings. Additionially, for us a child together is a symbol of our love for each other. Communication with dh is so important. We both hesitated to discuss the issued after Glen passed away. We both were trying to protect the other. Good luck!

Cindy
Mom to 2 boys, step mom to two and one angel (Glen ~|~ 2/10/04)

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by amillhouse » Wed Mar 10, 2004 04:39 am

Hi, Jill. I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter.

I have been told that spacing is very important - to let your body heal and return to normal, especially that your pre-e symptoms must totally go away. So if you got high blood pressure, it must return to normal, if you had protein in your urine, it must return to noraml, etc. I was told by specialists to wait 9 - 12 months. I am thinking that if you start sooner rather than later there is some chance that the condition will come back more easily than if you wait.


Anika (32, severe pre-e)
Mommy's Angel Boy: Isaiah (1/20/04 - 2/17/04)
Born at 28 weeks 1 day gestation weighing 610 grams

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by for faith » Wed Mar 10, 2004 03:16 am

This is also on my mind. I just lost my daughter in January and not sure if we will try again or not. I had high blood pressure with my son and delivered him at 36 weeks, no problems. I developed severe preeclampsia and had my daughter at 30 weeks, she lived a month and then passed. Just wondering if this will come worse and earlier for me if I get pregnant again. I am scared, but want another child also. I am 34, soon to be 35 and if I am going to get pregnant I want to do it soon. I am going to lose some weight and get as healthy as possible to at least get that risk out of the way and probably will try again in 6 months.

Does anyone know if spacing between pregnancies makes any difference?



Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - almost 4
Angel baby - January 2003 (11 weeks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (born at 30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC (intestinal premie complication))

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by beckty » Mon Mar 08, 2004 02:27 am

I am so glad I found you all. This is a topic I am struggling with today. I was actually cruising the web in hopes of getting some preliminary "what are the chances of it all happening again" information.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a peri-natologists group at the University Of Colorado Hospital to hope to determine what on earth happened to me and why and if it might happen again. I had a severe placental abruption (nearly needed a transfusion and was hosp. for several days)at 15 wks gestation. Through it all, my little William's heartrate never changed. It was a healthy 150 to 160 the whole time. He hung on, in spite of the absence of Amnio-fluid from that day until nearly 27 weeks. I was on bedrest, but he did not thrive and it was determined that his lungs would probably not develop.

We thought that was the worst of it and we were waiting out the pregnancy, unwilling to terminate. Then all of a sudden I started to feel ill and a severe case of PE hit me hard. They never knew why I got so sick so quickly, but he began to show signs of distress about 1.5 days into my illness. We delivered by emergency c-section, but there wasn't anything to be done for him.

The whole pregnancy was a nightmare, and now I am a little afraid that they'll tell me tomorrow that probably I shouldn't try again (I've been through SO MANY blood tests looking for clotting disorders and auto-immune diseases) but part of me is almost preparing mentally for that already and is ok with it.

I am SO confused.

The idea of trying again and having a baby that does survive another horrible PE episode and is delivered early to be handicapped seems to cruel to contemplate. It makes me feel like I'd be selfish to try. Does anyone else feel that way?

I have one healthy 10 year old (that pregnancy was perfect, of course) and I feel like I should be grateful. But my DH has never had a child of his own, and I would so love to have one with him. Losing William was so difficult for us.

I am torn down the middle on this. I am doing ok right now, but I can't FATHOM going through that whole nightmare again. If I KNEW for sure it would all turn out ok, I'd go through anything for my child. But it's the not knowing...

Becky

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by michal » Sun Mar 07, 2004 01:51 am

I know for me I will not be able to fall pregnant again becuase of the risks involved . That in itself is another "loss" that I have to deal with .
I would like to look into surrogacy but my husband is not prepared to take the risks involved with doing the ovarian stimualtion in order to retrieve as many eggs as possible . I think it was just too traumatic when he saw me nearly lose my life when Dina was born .
I know for me I would be prepared to take the risk but the decision is a joint one ,and we both have to be in it together .

So for us I think that adoption will be our only option .
After trying to have another child for so many years , I feel like I would like to start the process already , but I know I am not emotionally ready for it yet . It is too soon after having lost Dina , and I still have to gather my emotional strength back together .No child will ever replace the babies that I have lost , but the knowledge that maybe one day I will be able to have another child , helps to ease some of my pain .

I noticed that there are other moms here who are considering adoption .I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings about the issues that you have considered .

Michal
Mom to Tali ( 5/3/1998 , PE and HELLP , 32 weeks ) , my first angel in heaven ( 20/2/2002 , ,PE and HELLP , 20 weeks ) , my seccond angel in heaven , Dina Chaya Hodaya , 29/10/2003 - 4/11/2003 , PE and HELLP 25 weeks )

Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Post by kdreher » Wed Mar 03, 2004 07:15 am

I would be willing to try again..I think! I did have my tubes tied in 2000 after getting married and my husband stressed his major concern. I didn't want to risk my life or another childs. Do I regret getting my tubes tied, sometimes. The cost of invitro is very high w/o any guarantees of pregnancy. I am looking forward to being a mom one day be it through adoption or if I am lucky a surrogate.

Kris (34)
DH, Tom (33)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks pe/HELLP)

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net or kstevens@cga.uscg.mil

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