Thanks Anna!! I know what you mean about small goals. I think it makes more sense than looking so far ahead. I know I will be just fine, lately I have been seeing the docs three weeks in a row. So,they are watching closely. I plan to, at least see the nurse at MFM on week 24, just to have peace of mind. I monitor my bp twice daily and more often if I feel off. So, lots of monitoring and lots of prayer!

I'm so glad these ladies have already stepped in and encouraged you!! That is what I love about this forum - there is such great support here. You'll definitely have these ladies to lift you up when you're in those most anxious moments!

I cannot speak to what it's like to journey through a pregnancy after a loss. But what worked for me through a chaotic twin pregnancy with eclampsia and a smooth pregnancy after that was baby steps. I made small goals, two weeks at a time. Trying to get to the end of a pregnancy from halfway through feels like eternity! especially when you have reasons to be anxious. So just look to the next milestone and then try to rest in it (as long as is humanly possible) before looking to the next one.
And then get on the forum and talk to the other ladies in your same shoes!!

I agree with Petunia. Angie, your post was so uplifting when I read it. You have had one rainbow baby and you are working on another! Thanks girls, I feel much better

**Angieb** I was reading your blog, it gives me so much hope to read a blog of another mom who's suffered pre-e (or HELLP in your case), loss and has a healthy rainbow baby. I also thought it's funny, Franchesca did my blog design too. If you're curious, it's ourunconditionallove.blogspot.com

Thank you for giving me hope!

First, congratulations on a little brother for your Fritzy!

Secondly, I am really sorry you are having to deal with all of the extra drama. However, in my experience and observations of others, rainbow babies tend to be FULL of drama, luckily it usually ends up being much ado about nothing, but I think there is some Murphy's law that you get some extra drama with rainbow babies. (Or maybe we are just hypervigiliant and anxious after already losing one baby...) In my second pregnancy, Luke's drama was failing his NST's for several weeks, including an NST that was so ugly followed by a BPP that he also didn't pass- my MFM sent me to the hospital for the day to be monitored (and then he was completely fine.) I hope that everything you are going through turns out to be a lot of drama that turns out to be nothing.

My time frames matched up between my first pregnancies a bit eerily. We lost Olivia at 23 weeks, and with Lucas, I ended up being 23 weeks on Jan.23rd which was a year later from my due date with Olivia. I was really stressed that week, to say the least, but you just take it one day at a time, remember you won't be pregnant forever, and try not to stress too much until/unless you have a real reason to. Just hang in there.

Good luck!

Thanks, Petunia. I feel the same way, I just know this baby will be okay. It looks like you have a very similar birth timeframe, induction at 38 weeks. I'm so sorry you lost Peyton. I agree about living in the moment with this baby. Thanks and I will keep you in my prayers.

I know exactly how you feel. My last little one was born sleeping and I constantly go back and forth between optimism and fear. I really do believe this baby will be ok, but it's so hard not to be scared. I know I'll be a nervous wreck leading up to my milestone, so I don't know if I've any great advice there. I guess the main thing I try to tell myself is that the only time I had with my Peyton was while I was pregnant with him, so this a time to enjoy this baby and just try to trust my doctors. Easier said then done right? I guess the most I can offer is the reassurance that you aren't alone!

Okay, this may be long. I wish you were all in my living room right now. So, I am 19 weeks 1 day and so far everything is going well. To give everyone an idea of how things have gone here's the story. In January, I went for an ultrasound with the MFM they immediately set me up on 80 mg of lovenox per day. I did a 24 hour urine, protein and glucose came out fine. However, I had elevated liver enzymes, so at the next OB appointment I had blood drawn again and they still came up high. So, the OB sent me to have an ultrasound of my liver. They said I had a slightly fatty liver. That got me sent to a liver specialist. That was one week ago. I felt I knew more about the liver than the doctor did. She kept going on and on about how all she had to go on was when I delivered last May with severe PE and HELLP. She did not have any info from the OBs I was with last pregnancy. I know they didn't doing any testing on my liver other than hepatitis testing and that was negative. So, she just was fit to be tied and said "with your history of HELLP we will just hope for the best". It made me mad to say the least. So, I went to the lab and they drew blood. Later, that day I had my 18 week growth scan with the peri and she got the blood test results back as well.

First, I got a glimpse of a nicely formed little BOY!!! My husband and I were both very excited that things look really great. My MFM said the placenta was beautiful and cord attachment was good. He has been moving a lot for a few weeks now and I never had that with my Fritzy, I only remember those little faint feelings you get when you first start to feel the movement.
My MFM said my liver enzymes had come down and that their office would monitor the liver and not to bother with the liver specialist because other doctors often freak out when dealing with pregnant women, especially high risk ones. I am a bit anemic but I started taking an iron supplement last week so that should help.

So, today I went to the OB and I saw the main one that I will be with. He is very cautious but he thinks with close monitoring things should be just fine. The thing is, I feel crazy at times because the dates of this baby and my last baby are running along the same time frame. So, as I creep towards 24 weeks and the time leading up to that point I am getting more and more worried. This pregnancy has been different from the very beginning and I truly believe I will have the best outcome. How do I get through the next five weeks without going completely insane?