Dealing with ignorance

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Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by sam10 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 07:14 pm

I like the naked dance around the tub too, but not for the birth of this baby:-) maybe in my next life ;)

As for FB you can restrict (you probably know) who gets to see a post or not. Perhaps this can help to keep some unsolicited advice at bay.

My family and friends are far (many of them in Europe), so I do send status updates via email; and I use skype a lot, which is great, as I can show my belly live.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by olivejuice0806 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 06:49 pm

I do put things on Facebook because our friends and family are very spread out and it is a lot easier to put something on Facebook once than text or call 50 people and tell it 50 times. The downside to that convenience is that you get some unsolicited opinions. But I agree that if there is one woman who gains awareness about PE/HELLP because I was willing to deal with some ignorance, then it is well worth it.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by » Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:56 pm

You are right,I agree you should do what feels right for you. I am honestly not a facebook person in general ( I know weird lol) so I kept my stuff off that particular site. I didn't mean to bash facebook personally. I do however open my mouth every chance I can , voulnteer at many functions with preeclampsia brochures in hand!

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by princess purr » Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:45 pm

I post all over facebook about losing my daughter, and when/if I get pregnant I think I plan to be very public about it because these kind of things are always something that "happens to someone else." They aren't "real". It is scary, and I refuse to go it alone, if people are ignorant, I'm going to educate them real fast. Who knows, maybe it will save someone's life. I would love to be in the prefect everything is going to go great, start buying baby stuff at 12 week bubble, but I'm not, but it doesn't mean I should have to hide my joy/sorrow/fears from everyone next time around.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by » Tue Sep 25, 2012 04:36 pm

lol well said! I have said things like that too, we were planning on having an at home water birth yikes ,seems like another lifetime ago and some other woman planning it other then the person I have become today after losing Ben . Well, here's to dealing best we can with ignorance and to us hippies ha ha!!

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by tree » Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:54 am

I am re-reading my post from last night and realizing just how different this situation is when you have actually experienced a loss. Some of my friends really cannot understand why I think we got lucky and had a good outcome. The reality of how many women have lost babies to this horrible disease provides a very stark contrast to eventually going home with a healthy kid and slowly recovering.
One calm approach is to say that the most recent studies have shown much better outcomes for mothers and babies with any signs of PE if delivery occurs at 37 weeks. You and your doctor have agreed to follow this guidance to give your family the best chance at a healthy mom and baby. For many of us, waiting until 39-40 weeks can lead to a worse outcome, and you want to do what is best for your baby.
In the past, I have said nasty things about not having the luxury to plan my home birth with naked hippies walking around the birthing tub serving trays of granola and fighting off evil IV wielding doctors (I am a dirty hippie in real life), but that is some what less productive.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by » Tue Sep 25, 2012 12:09 am

Same here for the facebook thing, I have not once mentioned on it anything about the loss of my son, or about being pregnant.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by angieb » Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:05 am

Yep, what julija said.

I almost never post about my pregnancy on facebook. I spent a week in the hospital in May and never even mentioned it on my facebook page. It's just not necessary. I don't care for the extra attention, the people who needed to know, knew where I was and why and what was going on. I'm having some issues (hopefully minor) this pregnancy, only the people who need to know, know about it, that does not need to be my entire FB friend list. I'm private about things now, partly to protect myself from dumb but well meaning comments, partly because I have friends who have struggled to even get pregnant, and partly it's just easier this way.

As for discussions about delivery,etc., since I had a classical c-section the first time, no one in their right mind would argue we should try to make it to 40 weeks. Our first daughter died and I would have absolutely no qualms about saying "I'd much rather have a living baby at 37 weeks than a stillborn baby at 40 weeks." I would imagine that would shut them up pretty quickly.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by tree » Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:36 pm

Most women idealize healthy pregnancies, and we can really disrupt their certainty that everything will be fine (for them). I have had some really awkward discussions with close friends and not-so-close friends when they hound me about having another baby because of this. It seems like they want me to reassure them that my next pregnancy will be fine so that theirs will be fine. I find it weird.
I agree with Julija about having these discussions in-person only (if possible). I get into arguments every time something like this comes up on Facebook, and I am not even pregnant. I am very honest with my close friends about what happened and what I think I would have to do if there is a "next time". Sometimes, it is easier to joke about it a little. I occasionally tease pregnant friends when they complain about being huge and miserable at the end of pregnancy. I tell them that I graduated early (or flunked out) and never had to deal with any of that. Hey, I almost died, but I totally avoided hemorrhoids :D Humor makes it easier to be sort of nice when you have to fake it.

Re: Dealing with ignorance

Post by sam10 » Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:07 pm

My strategy is NOT to post on FB about my pregnancy at all. This is certainly a very personal decision, but it works for me to avoid hurtful, though mostly unintended, comments from others. People are quicker to respond/say hurtful things online or via text, sometimes also the phone than when you see them personally, at least this is my ecperience.
If I do come across insensitive comments, I am always honest, straightforward, yet still friendly ( yeah, this is tough sometimes).