I think it would be impossible not to be scared after such a traumatic pregnancy and birth. It is a trauma that is often stirred up once pregnant again. I had moments/days of sheer panic during my pregnancy with my second one. It helped me to stay busy, and focus on something like work. I also surrounded myself with people who were understanding and caring, and called my doctors/nurses whenever I needed (and that was often). So please feel free to post all your worries and concerns. We are here, we understand and will try to hold your hand, as much as this is possible via the internet. One moment/day at a time :-)

It's almost impossible for me to look over my records from my first pregnancy- or even really speak the specifics of it because now I know what awful awful care I got... and she got. Care that had it been different leaves me considering too many "what ifs".

What I did take a measure of peace from was knowing that I went into my 2nd pregnancy with such different eyes. I was no longer the naive first time mommy. And while that was bittersweet, making me wish I had those same eyes for my first, I also saw it as a gift our first daughter gave to her lil' bro. Cause all Big Sibs are protective over their lil' ones. :)

I understand your fear. What got me through was repeating to myself almost daily (ok like every hour) that this was a different pregnancy... that I was a different mommy.

Wishing you moments of peace!
Lauren

Hi all

I went to see my midwife a few days ago and going through my pregnancy and birth with my son has just made me realise just how poorly I was and that my life was actually in danger !

Been thinking lots since now 8 weeks pregnant I am terrified of it all happening again, feel like hiding away and crying.

Not sure what I'm after posting this, maybe some comforting words from women who have had more babies after such a traumatic previous pregnancy and birth ?