FAQ Members Login

New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post a reply

:
In an effort to prevent automatic submissions, we require that you enter both of the words displayed into the text field underneath.
Smilies
:D :) ;) :( :o :shock: :? 8-) :lol: :x :P :oops: :cry: :evil: :twisted: :roll: :!: :?: :idea: :arrow: :| :mrgreen: :geek: :ugeek:
BBCode is ON
[img] is ON
[flash] is OFF
[url] is ON
Smilies are ON
Topic review
   

If you wish to attach one or more files enter the details below.

Expand view Topic review: New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by bonnie » Sun Jan 11, 2004 10:26 am

Yup, Catherine's right, it's not just the Irish. Most Jewish people are the same way. My dh and I had NOTHING in preparation for the baby. Not a single item of clothing, furniture, carseat -- NADA! We don't have showers, until AFTER a baby is born. We don't even really talk about things that we'll do AFTER the baby is born. People thought that I was looney for not preparing in any way, but in all honesty, I thought it was normal.

Dh and I had walked through a few baby stores and had an idea of what we'd look for, but didn't have anything picked out or registered for. Although, a few of my friends are now "registering" for things and the store will hold it until the baby is born =)

Yoni's ima

Yonatan 7/10/2002 (35 weeks PE)

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by taras mom » Sat Jan 10, 2004 01:09 am

Thanks, Amanda![:)] Our little Jedi was quite a fighter; I consider it an honor to be her mom.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by twolfgram » Fri Jan 09, 2004 07:56 am

I agree with Carol's response. One of the things I am looking forward to is decorating and getting the nursery ready, even tho our last pg ended in stillbirth as well. I try to be optimistic and that's one way to do that! Good luck no matter what you decide to do, or not do!

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by amandab » Fri Jan 09, 2004 07:47 am

Carol~

I really appreciate your response! Your point about not holding back and treating each baby as an individual really made an impression on me. I think you are right that I will regret not enjoying this pg fully when thing turn out okay. If things turn out bad, at least I will have enjoyed these months with Baby B as I did with Aidan.

By the way, I love that you call Tara, "The Mightiest Little Angel." It is such a powerful remembrance of her.

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by taras mom » Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:42 am

Amanda, I've started and abandoned three responses to your post! I can't go back to the blissfully unaware optimism I felt before I lost Tara, but I think I owe it to any future baby to not hold back--to treat him or her as an individual. Easier said than done, I'm sure! As Suzanna said, you have to follow your heart, but you're entitled to the joy of planning for a healthy baby if that's what you want to do. Remember that the stuff is just stuff, but the planning and anticipation are part of the experience that you might regret passing up.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by frasiah » Thu Jan 08, 2004 03:05 am

Congratulations Tracy!!! What water and air are you ladies breathing? So that I can avoid it or according to my husband, rush over there pronto!!!

I wish all you pregnant mommies long, long pregnancies without a lot of drama.

Be so blessed.
Now I am jealous, it is good to go through a whole pregnancy.

Frasiah 27
darling hubby 33
Victoria 7/3/03 29 wks due to sev p-e

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by amandab » Thu Jan 08, 2004 10:53 am

Suzanna,

I'm a bit of a perfectionist too! [:I] The perfectionist in me would love to have everything done months in advance.

Congrats to you!! We've had several fertile months around here!

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by sweetiesuzy » Tue Jan 06, 2004 02:40 am

Amanda,

Believe me - I understand what you are facing. I had two huge baby showers for Sam. On the drives home I cried and cried because I was convinced he would never make it home and I would have to return everything. Then of course was the saddness and guilt - grieving for Chloe. Why couldn't she of had all of these things? Why couldn't she be with me now?
There is no easy answer. You have to just follow your heart. What is right for you and your husband will be right and it will be OK. Personally, I was grateful to have had everything all ready and prepared because once I went on bedrest and was so sick right before and after giving birth I could have never washed all the clothes and gotten everything in order like I wanted it (please note that I am a bit of a perfectionist [:I]).
Just remember that this is a different pregnancy and you do have the right to have joy and happiness. I know how scary it is - but if you want to do stuff - DO IT! If you don't - DON'T! Your precious babe will survive no matter what. Love is the most important thing.
I just wanted to add - things you may want to get before hand for yourself ... feminie pads and breast pads and a pump if you are breastfeeding. I also found that having fresh groceries is always a huge helper!
I wish you all the best and please keep us updated.
HUGS,
Suzanna


DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Peanut edd 8/6/04

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by amandab » Tue Jan 06, 2004 02:09 am

Amy ~ How are you?? I'll email you...

Tracy ~ Congrats!! It's so sad that peri's and delayed showers are among our first thoughts when we get that positive test. I hope you have a great and uneventful 9 months!!

Laura ~ Your story made me cry! I know exactly how you felt. I know those first few seconds after they get Baby B out, my eyes and ears will be wide open. I can't even imagine how I am going to make it through those seconds.

Amanda
~i~ Aidan Timothy
4/14/03 29 wks
Expecting again!!!
EDD 6/13/04

Re : New baby after loss - To prepare or not?

Post by laura » Tue Jan 06, 2004 01:42 am

As for the other question- I had a bout of irrationality/melodrama when I was pregnant with Camille. I didn't mention it on the boards, but I was pretty convinced we were going to lose her, given the type of complications we were having, and her behavior. (I say irrationality and melodrama because I have never even approached the loss you guys have, with your dear ones.)

I bought all the stuff, taped the receipts to the boxes/labels and brought them over to my mom's. The DAY before my section- we brought just what we needed to start with over and put it together. I cried the whole time. I didn't actually allow myself to think we'd get to keep her until I heard her cry for the first time- and then I lost it and got hysterical. (Then the anesthesiologist upped my meds, and I passed out and started snoring, waking up only three times- each time to ask the doc how my placenta looked[:I])

Not that this is a great or healthy plan of attack... but isn't it weird how people respond to things?



Laura-28
DH Jack-30
Allie 5-13-98 (35 weeks-pre-e)
Baby Camille 4-17-03 (36 weeks- htn and oligo)
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

Top

cron