Temper Tantrums and Walking away

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Expand view Topic review: Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by laura » Tue Jun 15, 2004 04:02 am

Thanks, folks, for the mucho wise advice- I didn't realize that I'd been raising my voice and screeching back when she was screeching- and ignoring it went a long way, and she's just about done now (THANK GOODNESS!)

I need to watch Nemo again, Catherine and bone up on my whale- I was postpartumish when I first saw it, and was emotionally scarred by the separated parent/child theme (not to mention Mama a la diner, too!) and haven't watched it since I returned from HormoneWorld. Sounds like MOVIE NIGHT!!



Laura
Moderator/AK Coordinator

Mom to Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 and Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by kylesmom » Thu Jun 10, 2004 07:17 am

Man, I really gotta watch this Nemo movie to get a better understanding of Catherine's parenting style! [;)] And yes she is a bit of a control-freak (my friend, not Catherine [:p] ) and its funny b/c her older child is a very sweet and well-behaved 8yo but her 4yo is the absolute opposite... ah, nature vs. nurture. I could go on and on and on......

I tried another approach to the shrieking in the last week or so... we do lots of opposites on/off, open/shut and I started LOUD/soft with the car music and with my voice and he started whispering yesterday to copy me!!! He's brrrrilliant! [:D]



Jennifer 32
Kyle born 8-13-03 @ 38 weeks (severe atypical Preeclampsia and Class I HELLP)

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by catherine » Wed Jun 09, 2004 02:01 am

Jennifer, much as I have often believed my offspring are secretly in league with the devil, but manipulative before they can walk?.. NO WAY! I think your friend might be a slightly paranoid and possibly controlling nut....but maybe I'm being hypercritical [:p].

Laura, I might be tempted to take a slightly different approach with Cam than Jennifer, whose style sounds much easier on the ears and I will be trying it. In our house, we speak whale a la the Nemo movie. For some reason both Lucy and Chloe immediately stop grizzling and start paying attention and I find it pretty relaxing also. I also feel much smarter speaking another language!! If we're all laughing then we all feel much better. When baby cries start to drill in your head... ugh!

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by kylesmom » Wed Jun 09, 2004 01:21 am

Well, I don't know if I am a 'wise-one' Laura, (maybe a wise-cracker...[;)] but I find that when Kyle does the screeching thing, he responds well to my saying "sh, sh, sh" like from 'the wheels on the bus' song and he loves it when his stuffed friends tell him "sh, sh, sh"...so he will quiet down immed'ly when he sees my finger to my mouth to hear the soft "sh's." I can do that to keep him quiet and make him laugh through almost anything. And at the same time you are modeling a quiet and soft voice as you talk to her after she stops shrieking. (spoken as a mom and a speech therapist)

Give it a shot- maybe it will help to keep your head out from under the pillow!!!

Good luck... and remember, there's always earplugs!

A little sidenote to the above postings- I have had this debate with a friend of mine- mother of 2 who believes that kids CAN be manipulative even before 8 months... its nice to hear some back-up to my argument that it is unlikely. She always makes me feel guilty for picking him up when he is fussing. Thanks ladies!

Jennifer 32
Kyle born 8-13-03 @ 38 weeks (severe atypical Preeclampsia and Class I HELLP)

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by meg » Wed Jun 09, 2004 01:13 am

SHe's just testing you out at this age to see what you'll give in to and what will work. Its a bit early but she is probably just a really smart cookie ;) If you cant link it to anything other than just wanting what she wants the minute she wants it, I would just ignore it. I KNOW KNOW its hard but its the only way to get rid of it. Just go about getting her whatever it is as the normal speed you would. You could even model calmness and quitely say, "Mommy will get that in just a minute" or whatever. It will drive you nuts to ignore it but it should only take a handful ( or two handfuls) of times before she realizes it isnt working. Now give in to the screaming, even just once and it will only get worse. Hang tough Mommy, you can do it ;)

Will 2-6-00 ( PE at 35 weeks)
Elizabeth 7-3-01 ( NO PE)
#3 EDD 10-25-04 Its a girl! So far so good!
Proud Aunt to Ethan born 27 weeks (March 8th) weighing 1lb 8 ounces! Our little fighter!
Now 4 pounds 9 ounces and home!!

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by laura » Wed Jun 09, 2004 12:41 am

Ok, oh wise ones- here's another dilemma to chew on-- I need help, too!... Missy Camille has taken to screeching- the ear piercing, painful scream- in addition to crying to expedite whatever process she's waiting on- I want my sippy cup... NOW and I'm going to shatter glass and summon the aquatic life until it's here. It's not born of any real distress, just a cool new trick to get me hopping. Thing is, I just can't handle it. I'm easily sent into stimulation overload and the screeching makes me want to hide my head under my pillow and weep. She'll be 14 months on the 17th- much younger than my first was doing this. Any suggestions on how to stop the screech?

Laura
Moderator/AK Coordinator

Mom to Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 and Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by annes » Wed Jun 09, 2004 10:33 am

I agree with all the prior posts, but just wanted to add, the days before Parker's teeth popped through (both at the same time) he was a BEAR! He occassionally has crying/screaming fits also. He is prone to ear infections, with no fever, so sometimes that is it. (I hope that is not the case with your sweetie)Sometimes I think they just get startled by something and cannot calm down. Anne

Anne
DH Richard
Parker 7/6/03(severe pe)33wks

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by arj » Wed Jun 09, 2004 10:02 am

Shannon,
Sounds like you have gotten some great advice. I've also found that distraction works great with my little guy when he starts in with those tantrums. I give him something "cool" (to him at least) to occupy his attention-like a wooden spoon with a pot to bang on. Or I draw his attention towards our dog. She always cheers him up!! Anything that can help him "forget" why he is throwing a fit.
I think that it's normal what she is experiencing, and also healthy, though it doesn't feel like it. She is showing that she's attached to you by protesting that you are leaving. Hang in there-I am sure that it is just a phase.
And don't beat yourself up about being a working mom. I'm a full-time working mom as well, and I don't feel like Evan is emotionally stunted because of it. I believe that it's good for him to be around our nanny and other children. My mom worked too and my sister and I were daycare kids. We have both grown up to be fully-functioning emotionally intelligent, healthy adults.

Allison (28)
DS-Evan, 7/19/2003. PE at 40 weeks

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by catherine » Wed Jun 09, 2004 08:51 am

Eek Meg[:0], are we on the same page or what!!! I hope you don't feel too sandbagged by our opinions Shannon [:)].

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

Re : Temper Tantrums and Walking away

Post by catherine » Wed Jun 09, 2004 08:49 am

Oh Shannon, I'm just now realizing what you may be dealing with... stranger anxiety!!! Not that her Grandma is a stranger, but Caitlyn is just now realising how central to her existance, you are. I work full time out of the home and all my kids have been full time daycare babies from about 14 weeks onwards. In fact Chloe has been at daycare full time since she was 8 weeks old!! I find that in the first year or so they may go through several cycles of suddenly not wanting mommy to leave. It is very hard to take and in fact my husband won't drop the baby because he can't bear to hear her cry as he leaves (no spine [;)][:o)]). This will pass very soon, but maybe come back again around the time she begins to walk or talk. It seems to accompany each big developmental step in their lives, I guess they need some extra reassurance about how much you care about them as they become more independent and separate from you.

So, it hurts to go but I'm pretty sure that she's happy again as soon as you are gone and you are not scarring her for life by going. As she gets older you might want to start the classic line "mommie and daddy always come back", a promise I've made and make to my babies anytime I leave them.

Catherine
Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

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