Is it normal to be so scared?

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Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by dolphinjen » Fri Jun 12, 2009 00:09 am

tree - that is really comforting to know b/c I'm the kind of person who hates to bother people, and I feel like I'm bothering the nurses when I call. The times I have called they have always been really nice about telling me how she's doing. Given what you've said I think I will feel comfortable calling more often b/c it really does calm my nerves. Thank you.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by tree » Thu Jun 11, 2009 09:47 pm

Hi Jenny - I hope your daughter is continuing to do well and that you are able to see her more as you recover.
I was thinking about this a lot last night, and I remembered some of the other families that were in the NICU when we were there. One of my neighbors is a NICU social worker, and she confirmed my feelings that the NICU nurses see some family situations that are totally heart breaking. I think they are reassured when you call a lot and visit when you can because they know it is normal to care that much. They seemed to think it was strange when people didn't call. They want the parents involved in the care as much as possible, and sometimes that means a lot of phone calls when you can't be there. I called a lot and really reduced my worrying once I realized they actually wanted me to do it.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by dolphinjen » Thu Jun 11, 2009 09:54 am

Originally posted by tree

I was so happy to be able to bring her home and so scared at the same time.

I experienced the same thing with my son. He wasn't nearly as premature as my daughter, I wasn't as worried about him b/c he seemed to be almost a term baby in many ways. But I felt that way too, here I wanted him home, then when I found out he could come home I totally doubted my ability to replicate what the nurses were doing for him. I worried so much about SIDS. I obsessed about SIDS. I expect I will go through that with Lily too, until she hits that 12 month mark, or at least during the 4-6 month danger period.

mlcoltrain, I can't believe what you went through, only being able to see her on poor thing, that must have been so difficult. I'm so glad things turned out well.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by tree » Wed Jun 10, 2009 06:33 pm

It is perfectly normal. My little girl was only there for a short time, and I thought I was completely fine with it. Turns out I was just sick... It really helped me to call anytime I thought about her and couldn't get there. I was lucky enough to be able to go every day. My Mom drove me until I lifted my own driving restriction. Her pediatrician would also call me around the same time each day. It helped knowing that it was almost certainly a routine call.
I completely freaked out when they told me she was coming home. She had a dramatic and sudden improvement in her feedings. They told me on Wednesday that she would probably be another week (really sad day), then on Thursday that she would almost certainly come home on Friday. I panicked that we couldn't take care of her at home and thought she would be safer in the NICU. I was so happy to be able to bring her home and so scared at the same time. I know this isn't what you asked about, but you might want to know that those mixed feelings are equally normal. It seemed strange after looking forward to that day for what seemed like an eternity.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by mlcoltrain » Wed Jun 10, 2009 06:21 pm

I lived in constant fear until my DD came home and then some after she came home. What made it worse was when my DD was born she was in a major hospital 2hrs from the small town I was living in at the time. I was such a mess I couldn't stay up where my daughter was by myself and my husband had to go back to work, so we were only able to go up on weekends to see her. The nurses were really great about me calling multiple times a day. It was very hard to leave her at the hospital but I knew it was the best place for her and they were taking great care of her. I too felt that whole empty feeling especially since we got so excited we already had her room completly set up, my husband would find me in her room crying when he came home from work. At that time is when I found this website and it was a great comfort to talk to others who had gone or were going through the same thing I was. Hang in there, it sounds like your DD is doing great!

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by dolphinjen » Wed Jun 10, 2009 04:41 pm

Thank you all SO very much. Your messages have brought tears to my eyes because they are so heartfelt and reassuring. I feel a lot better. It's so nice to have a place where people totally know how you feel.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by hols537 » Wed Jun 10, 2009 02:16 pm

I felt the same way - I used to panic everytime I saw the hospital on caller ID (fortunately, the first thing they always said was "the baby is just fine"). It's a scary time knowing the baby isn't "supposed to be born yet" even when they're doing so well. You also have the hormones messing with you. I called several times a day when Alexander was in the NICU and went whenever I could (I had friends and neighbors drive me at first). Hang in there!

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by amanda » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:34 am

Jen -
I remember feeling that way too. One thing that the docs and nurses said emphatically was CALL! when I got overwhelmed and scared - not to sit and wonder - so I did. Once I gave myself the 'okay' to call I found that I really hardly ever did. I had a couple of really bad dreams after she was born and called to make sure she was okay (I even made my hubby drive me down to the hospital one night right after I came home)

You aren't being a baby - not at all.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by lilliputianmama » Wed Jun 10, 2009 11:34 am

Completely normal. When both of my girls were in the NICU, every phone call would freak me out. I just kept waiting for it..and it never came. ((HUGS)) NICU time is tough.

Re : Is it normal to be so scared?

Post by amandaoasis » Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:35 am

Sounds normal to me! My 31 weeker was there for 32 days. Every time the phone would ring, my heart would fall out of my body.