I am sorry that you have to go through this. My little girl had a nasty UTI when she was 5-6 months old. It took us a very long time to figure out what was wrong with her, and we had her tested then only because we knew that my little brother had several UTIs when he was her age. Her doctor put us through the full urology work-up after the infection cleared. It was scary at the time, and I was convinced it was my fault for effectively kicking her out early. Then it was my fault for failing to produce milk which meant she got constipated from the formula... I know how you feel watching a sweet innocent little girl get IVs and catheters. We went through he*l last year, but it has been easier this year. It took me a while, but I know I am not to blame for our struggles. It just happens.
My daughter did not have an anatomical anomoly, but they are pretty common. I am sure you have a lot of information on Vesicoureteral Reflux from your doctor. I liked the information presented here:
http://www.childrensmemorial.org/depts/urology/vesicoureteral.aspx
Please remember that we are here, many of us have been there, and this will get better. I really didn't believe it would get better for us, and the last three months have been great.
Since the UTI, my daughters issues have been respiratory. We finally have a diagnosis of asthma for my daughter, and her illnesses have become manageable and shorter. I will never know if she could have avoided this stuff if she could have been born at term, but I do know that I am glad we are both here and healthy. This board helps me appreciate how lucky we are, and everyone here (including people much less lucky than us) understands that we all struggle to be grateful for the hand we were dealt.

Kidney problems in very young babies are most often caused by anatomical abnormalities. It's tough on her, and she sounds like a little darling. However, it's pretty hard on you too and you sound like you are taking waaay too much blame upon yourself. I doubt very much that your preeclampsia is contributing to her current problems.

Hang on in there and feel free to come and vent your struggles and frustrations right here. Finding your way back to a place where you are on terms with your experience can take time and sometimes you need help and support.

My little miracle, Emma, is 4 months old. Today she had to have some tests done on her kidneys and bladder because she keeps getting UTIs. She was born 6 weeks early and spent 2 weeks in NICU, and she spent some time in the hospital in September due to a UTI. I'm just so tired of hospitals and tests, my little sweety has been through enough, and she goes through it with so little fussing and the sweetest smile. I just wonder if it is because of the preeclampsia because it focused itself on my kidneys.
I think that it is most likely due to prematurity, but this whole preeclampsia nightmare, I just can't seem to get over it. I keep thinking things like, I can't have any more babies, this is the last baby I will ever hold that will be mine, etc. We almost lost our lives in May, and I am so grateful that we are here, and seeing and feeling God's hand trough the thing was nothing short of a miracle, but when will the bad stuff be over? Does anyone else feel like it was a horrible but beautiful experience that will forever haunt them?