Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

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Expand view Topic review: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by princess purr » Thu May 30, 2013 11:36 am

I think a lot of people adopt because they are unable to have biological children or can't have more children, so don't feel bad about that. You are still opening your heart and home to a child that needs one. As for trying again... I'm lost one child, and am pregnant with my second and it is really hard emotionally and physically. I'm almost 12 weeks and see my peri for the first time this pregnancy on Wednesday. After one lost you should have been considered high risk, your loss was earlier then mine and I am being considered high risk by my peri and OBYGN, and my first baby was born almost 9 years ago. So, first off find another doctor to talk to and one that will take you seriously. There should be a lot of testing done before you try again, (blood, urine, echo, ekg etc) and then they should come up with a game plan and work WITH you when you do get pregnant.

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by iralu1 » Wed May 29, 2013 04:31 pm

I am very sorry for your loss. I agree with the other posters that you should get a second opinion and find a high risk MFM that you trust and feel comfortable with. Preeclampsia and HELLP are serious matters that can have short and long term consequences. I wish you the best of luck and don't stop until you find the physicians that are right for you. It probably wouldn't hurt to get heart and kidneys checked out too, if indicated. My OB has been very supportive and gives me the proper referrals when I ask. I hope you find a doctor who will listen to you and take you seriously.

As for adoption, I am with you. My personal preference would be to have a biological child rather than adopt. There is nothing like seeing and holding your own baby. From what I understand there is a waiting list for adoption and it can be quite costly and complicated too. One of my coworkers went through 2 failed adoptions and it was devastating for her. Surrogacy is an option to have a biological baby but it's extremely expensive. It is an option for women where carrying another pregnancy is too dangerous for their health.

Whatever happens I wish you peace and health and a beautiful family. :)

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by trishbeck » Wed May 29, 2013 08:50 am

I finally sat down with my hubby yesterday and just laid everything on the table. Sometimes I forget that he doesn't know all the stuff I know. I've researched so much and forget what I have and have not talked to him about. I told him why I didn't really trust this last MD, and he seems to understand now. I didn't want to take away his hope, I just needed him to understand why I need a second opinion (and maybe a third...). Why this whole scenario of not being considered High Risk and believing that crossing our fingers and taking a baby aspirin is our only chance for me and our next baby to survive. It's been a hard thing for me to discuss with him. It was hard on him the first time with our William (born sleeping), but when Abigayle died after only two days... He was absolutely devastated too. I think the old saying is true that a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant, and a man becomes a father when he sees his child for the first time.

It's so relieving to have him up to date. I don't know about anyone else, but having a partner in this to hold me while I cry through my options is really helpful. Soooo this brings me to my next point. I'm a planner by nature and career-- so obviously this disease is the absolute worst for my head. I have to decide on some paths of action. Path one would be to have a great MD that is willing to take care of me and watch me and **future baby** like a hawk on a personal mission. Path two would be to adopt. Here's the problem... I don't want to adopt. I know it's a great thing, and I know that I would love that child as much as my own. I think it's just that it would be official. That I'm down to my last hope, and I feel like I would be stripped of the natural title "mother" or something, because the only reason I was adopting is because I can't have one of my own. I feel terrible for feeling like this, and I need to know if anyone else has felt like this or am I just a horrible person that needs psychological help?

**thoughts?? (please be kind :/ )**

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by LBD30 » Tue May 28, 2013 03:20 pm

Yes, get another opinion. Most of us who have had severe pre e before term are high risk. Your dr should take this seriously especially since you lost your babies. It is my understanding you are at much higher risk because you had it very early on.

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by MomTimesThree » Fri May 24, 2013 11:24 pm

I'm right there with you- sounds totally crazy to me. :) I said an audible "what?!" when I read your post about the doctor not considering you high risk. If not you, than who?! ;)

You'll know the right doctor when you meet him/her- and they will certainly be sure they have ALL your records before offering you any recommendations or advice! I really like the way you put it- a doctor that sees you as a challenge. One of my favorite doctors I always felt like he took as much responsibility for our success... and complications as we did. I knew he was invested in seeing us through no matter what we faced. It made all the difference in the world. We still faced complications- sometimes you can't avoid them, but knowing your team is completely on your side, it gives you peace of mind- and you deserve it.


Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by trishbeck » Fri May 24, 2013 04:51 pm

Thank you for the information!

I really haven't found that MD yet. I guess this has just been an eye-opening experience in a way for me. I just always thought that if I'm sick, I'll go to the doctor to get better. I just never thought about what happens when the doctor can't fix it. It's not their fault, some things just aren't that easy. Especially not Pre-E. I just want an MD that sees me as a challenge and not a lawsuit waiting to happen.

I supposedly had a full work up. This "specialist" didn't even have the records from the first pregnancy. I know that there was an issue with something called knotting and a two vessel cord that made it worse. That was part of the reason why my William was still.

There is a chance that there is an MD in the next state over that can help.

Is it crazy that I wasn't considered High Risk, or was this first guy right?? I haven't been considered High Risk at all, but I've buried two children and almost myself. I'm sorry, but that sounds a little crazy to me...thoughts???

Re: Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by MomTimesThree » Fri May 24, 2013 00:59 am

I am so very sorry for the losses of your sweet babies. My heart is heavy for you.

I would seek a second opinion, or more like a first real thoughtful opinion! I'm sorry the doctor was so vague and provided little information. You can find a list of maternal fetal specialists here: https://www.smfm.org/MFM%20Member%20Locator%20Page.cfm

Have you had full work up for underlying disorders like blood clotting issues?

After all you have been through you deserve a doctor that will listen to all you concerns, leave no stone unturned and provide you thoughtful well researched opinions tailored to your unique situation. It doesn't sound like you've found that MD yet.


Will the 3rd time be a charm or another disaster???

Post by trishbeck » Thu May 23, 2013 01:41 pm

I've had severe pre-e twice now. The first time was at 23 weeks and I developed HELLP. The second time was at 26 weeks and I had intrauterine growth restriction (she was only 412g at birth). I have lost both of my babies.
The big question now is will it happen again? I know that there is no guarantee, but we went to a pregnancy complications specialist and he was so vague, and just gave the standard 20% chance of it developing in a subsequent pregnancy. Well I've already been apart of that 20%. He didn't even think I should be considered a high risk pregnancy for any future pregnancies, but then told me I wouldn't carry to 36 weeks. Is this really all the information there is??