I'm so sorry! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray you and your family find some sense of comfort eventually. I almost have my rainbow baby. We lost our baby at 23 weeks. She was born sleeping. We progressed to hellp like so many here. I was pregnant 4 months later. I was just diagnosed preeclampsia Wednesday but I'm feeling good despite since I'm 34 weeks. There are many promising stories I read after coming here that made me so sad yet provided me with comfort knowing that I could have my rainbow baby. Again, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I was very torn at first. Even though I knew I did nothing wrong, I felt that there was maybe something with my body that might have caused this to happen. I had tons of blood work done and I am completely normal in all aspects. I did not do blood work on my son, as I just wanted him to be peaceful, but he was born with a cleft palate and clenched fist which are two major signs of a chromosone defect. My doctor is 99.9% sure that because of the defect this all happened. And the choromosone abnormality that he is thinking it may have been, even if I carried to term it was likely that baby would not have made it. Its called... Trisonmy 13 or 16 or something.

After researching and talking to the wonderful women on this site, I feel confident in trying again. I know that no matter what there is always a risk, but I would risk losing my life for my child if he were here today, so I will risk my life to bring my child into this world. My husband was also scared of what could happen, but we decided its worth it.

I feel better as well because I have already been informed that when I get pregnant again they will monitor EVERYTHING constantly to catch any early signs. The Maternal Fetal Specialist that I will be seeing actually worked under one of the doctors on the board for this site and he let me go through all my research with him because he knew it was my way of coping. My husband and I plan to try again soon. We feel that research that suggest getting pregnant sooner rather than later after preeclampsia deserves some merit. November 11th 2011 will be 6 months since we lost Joseph. The doctor advised us to wait atleast 6 months for my body to get normal, then we are in the clear. We don't know exactly when we will try but it will be soon. We are just waiting for when it feels right again.

You will find your balance one day. Its just to soon right now. I didn't even want to think of future children at the time I lost Joseph. Even now there are days that I just cry because I was supposed to have my son right now, in my arms. You have to let those moment pass. Don't fight them. Cry whenever you need. I had so many things happen in these last 6 months that I cried all the time because it was just so much happening to my husband and I at one time. I held my husband as he cried one night saying "its too much. I can't do this." But I told him that no matter what, we will be okay. And we are. You will be okay too. Give yourself time. I'm still giving myself time.

I am new here and have been reading many posts about experiences with PE and HELLP syndrome, but this post struck close to home. My situation was very similar to yours, and I am feeling many of the same things you are feeling, or hopefully by now, are not feeling anymore. I am a healthy person who eats healthy and takes a ton of vitamins every day. I was so careful in my first and only pregnancy and it was going so well- not even a day of morning sickness- until I was hit with PE and HELLP. It is a very difficult situation to overcome...I am still recovering from my ordeal (I was diagnosed on Mon 10/10/11, delivered, and was out of the hospital by Friday 10/15), and I am still trying to wrap my head around what the heck just happened to me. I feel confused, hurt, sad...and the list goes on. I feel especially confused about my future. At first, I was adamant about not ever getting pregnant again, and risking this to happen to me and my future baby. I already nearly died, and I gave birth to a stillborn baby, so why would I want to chance that happening again? I am lucky to be alive today. I can't imagine how selfish it would be of me to get pregnant again, and next time, not only lose another baby, but die. Then what? Then I've left behind a husband and family. What good will have come out of that? But then the other part of me wants to research the heck out of this horrible disease, get my blood tested, get pregnant, and fight it. I don't want to live my life a childless mother. I'm a teacher...I take care of other people's children all day (most of whom live in poverty, so you can just imagine what goes through my head when I think of those children's home lives)...I would love to have my own babies to care for. Is this normal to feel so conflicted about having children immediately after surviving PE and HELLP? My poor husband refuses to give up on me and our future with children, so he still clings to the hope and the research. I'm the one who keeps going back and forth with the idea of getting pregnant again. I know I have a long road ahead, but I'm wondering - am I the crazy one?!?

I am so glad to have found another person/people who have gone through such a similar situation. My Dr. told me she's been doing this for 9 years and I'm the earliest patient she's ever diagnosed with PE and HELLP (I was diagnosed at 21 weeks 4 days but had symptoms-severe stomach pain- from 20 weeks 4 days)- and that makes me feel alone in this battle. Even by reading some of these posts, I felt there were still few women out there who've been through this so early in their pregnancy. I'm certainly not glad that anyone has ever had to go through something so terrible as PE and HELLP and the loss of their child (I wish no one ever had to endure this kind of pain), but I do find comfort in knowing I'm not alone, and there are other women out there who I can relate to and talk to about this.

Thanks for listening. =)

The women on this site are wonderful and I am so happy that I stumbled across it. I know it was for horrible circumstances, but I have been dealing with this better since coming to this site. I comfort myself with research and knowledge, and though nothing is definite and this disease is still a puzzle, I still feel better armed with any kind of knowledge available. I too had a battery of blood test done for autoimmune diseases and what not, but all came back normal. Which is good. My son was born with severe cleft palate, which in some cases is a sign of chromosonal defects. My doctor told me that he is 98% positive that it was a developmental/chromosone defect that cause this situation, but since I didnt do any lab work on baby he can't tell me 100%. But, I just wanted my baby to be at peace.

I just have to thank all of you out there who are brave enough to share your stories, compassionate enough to feel a fallen mother, strong enough to help someone else get through it. Thank you.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and am sending lots of prayers for your family during this heartbreaking time. Nothing about this is easy, let alone trying to make sense of it. I, too, am struggling with the same situation and it is so hard to not have a straight answer as to why this happened, more specifically, why me?

On April 13, 2011, at 23 weeks, we lost our baby girl due to severe hellp in a story very similar to yours. This was our first pregnancy and we were definitely blind sided by the outcome. I had never even heard of hellp. The onset was sudden for me as well, going into the drs for a normal appointment with just complaints of nausea and chest pains (thinking I was a wuss with heartburn). I never thought I was in severe danger, nor did I think I would be leaving 4 days later, without my child, from the hospital! Some days I still can’t believe that the whole situation actually happened!

We want a baby more then anything in the world, but we too are completely terrified of this situation happening again. Like you, I am constantly searching Hellp syndrome recurrence success stories looking for something, anything, to keep my faith up that we will be able to have the family we want some day. Since April, all of my numbers (platlets, enzymes, etc.) have gone back to where they should be, which is definitely good news. I am currently taking an iron supplement and prenatals that have a high dose of folic acid and calcium. I am scheduled to have an ultrasound in a month to check everything internally as well as more blood work to see if there are any other underlying issues that would be of concern if/when I would get pregnant again.

In the meantime, know that you are not alone in this situation and it is okay to be a mix of emotions at this time. I know, easier said then done, right? At least 2 of my close friends are pregnant and one just had a baby this past month. I keep trying to pretend that all of their good news doesn’t affect me, but deep down it still hurts so bad. Unfortunately it will take time. I just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason. I’d like to think that our little girl was sick and this happened to so she wouldn’t suffer….

Anyways, I most definitely understand what you are going through….it does get better each day.
Please know that if you need anything feel free to contact me. ☺

I am so sorry you had to experience HELLP and the loss of your baby. Nothing ever felt as devastating as losing our sweet little Henry, only a week after he was born.
I hope you'll find comfort with your family and friends to get back onto your feet. These forums were a blessing for me, because it helped so much not to feel so alone with what had happened. There are no guarantees that another pregnancy will be PE/HELLP free, but I find it helpful to be armed with knowledge and the best doctors as my main medical support. I wish you all the best (hugs).

I am hearing more and more about using aspirin the second time around. ..

Thank you for sharing your story and link. I know when we try again, the only source of comfort I can give myself is to get as much information and research as possible. I have started searching up sucess stories, to help me feel like I won't be a childless mother for the rest of my life. I am not angry about what happened, but I am just... very sad. Very very sad. My little one was so tiny and I have his sweet little face stuck in my head. Sometimes I cry but I find comfort in the thought that he didn't suffer at all. He went peacefully. I just feel at a loss, without feeling him move inside me anymore.

I will certainly read your blog when I am feeling a little more stronger emotionally. I am happy for you and happy to hear that things went well. It gives hope to people like me.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had HELLP at 23 weeks with our daughter and she passed away shortly after she was born. My case was a bit different from yours, my blood pressure was always normal but I had severe upper right quadrant pain for a few weeks before I was diagnosed and our daughter had severe growth restriction (I also had low fluid at the time of delivery).

I just delivered our rainbow baby 3 weeks ago, I was on lovenox and low dose aspirin for most of the pregnancy even though I don't have a clotting disorder, my high risk doctor felt like I got so severely sick so early and so quickly the first time, especially with our daughter's growth restriction factored in, she felt like the benefits outweighted the risks. I didn't get sick at all this pregnancy and was very closely monitored. (I also blogged most of my pregnancy, there's a link in my signature if you are interested, though it might be tough to read so fresh after your loss.)

Anyway, if you have any questions feel free to email me or ask here. I'm so sorry you have to be here but this is a great forum for answers and support.

Just wanted to send long distance hugs - to you and your hubby. I hope you find the support you need both here and everywhere.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to write to say that I lost my baby girl when she had to be delivered at 21 weeks, 5 days due to severe PE and me having elevated liver enzymes. This was truly the hardest moment of my life, to lose my sweet daughter. I was able to go on to a second pregancy with additional medical help and the second time around was successful. My son is now 6 years old. Best wishes to you during this sad time.