NOT CRAZY. I HAD MY SON 10 1/2 MONTHS AGO AND HAD LEVEL I HELLP AT 39 WEEKS AND ALMOST DIED. 3 BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS AND 3 DAYS IN ICU. AM SCARED TO TTC, BUT EVERY DOCTOR SEEMS TO BELIEVE I WILL BE OKAY, PARTICULARLY BECAUSE I HAD HELLP SO LATE (EVEN THO IT WAS VERY BAD). WE TRIED THIS MONTH AND AM AWAITING A PREGNANCY TEST AT THE END OF THE WEEK. I AM ALSO 39 YRS OLD AND WILL BE 40 IN FEBRUARY SO I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE ANOTHER. MY SON IS A BEAUTIFUL HEALTHY BABY AND IS THE LIGHT OF OUR LIVES. I SO BADLY WANT TO GIVE HIM A BROTHER OR SISTER AND SO BADLY WANT TO HAVE A HEALTHY PREGNANCY AND BABY. GOOD LUCK TO US ALL.

Not crazy. I feel that way after one adventure with HELLP, and I doubt it gets easier the second time. Sometimes i feel better about it than others, and I found counseling really helpful. I thought I was ready to TTC again. Then the nightmares and stuff all came back. I think that means I need another couple of visits with the counselor.

Well, 6 years after my first HELLP experience and 4 years after the second, coupled with TTP - we are ready to try again. The thing I am battling the most is the negativity that surrounds me. I know that guilt is self inflicted, but I feel so guilty at times, like I am letting my children down. I feel that the doctors are equipped with my previous experiences (the knowledge), but that i know my body well enough to know the signs. Am I crazy?