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Re: A Happy Ending After HELLP

Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 01:07 pm
by laney_p
Thank you for your beautiful words of comfort for those who have experienced a loss. It is one of the most difficult things that any parent can go through, but it makes that rainbow baby that much sweeter to hold! Have you added Josia to our in memoriam page? ... &start=250

Thank you for adding your words to our Writing Heals section!

A Happy Ending After HELLP

Posted: Tue May 27, 2014 10:37 pm
by hialana
In October of 2012, I was diagnosed with HELLP at 26 weeks into my first pregnancy. It had been 2 weeks since my baby boy had grown, and ultimately, we lost a beautiful soul who we named Josia. I don't mean to gloss over this experience, but my focus for this post is to make sure people know there is hope following such a diagnosis and tragedy. After mustering a lot of bravery and talking to several specialists, we decided to try for another baby. The decision was not made lightly. I felt so blessed to have made it out of HELP without seizure, chronically high blood pressure, and my eyesight intact. Where we pressing our luck by trying again? Perhaps, but I just needed to know I had tried before looking into other options. During the time between pregnancies I got in the best shape of my life. I even became a fitness instructor for a barre class called The Dailey Method. At very least I knew I was starting the pregnancy in a wonderful state of health. I started taking 81mg of baby aspirin once daily as soon as it was even possible that I was pregnant. In my opinion, just as important was beginning acupuncture treatment with herbal therapy once a week starting as soon as deciding to give conception another go. My diet was not extreme, but overall very healthy. I stayed fit throughout the pregnancy, and when I could no longer do barre classes, I swam laps. My pregnant life was not stress free. I was still working, we were remodeling our house, and I had adopted a puppy, but those distractions were often welcome. The acupuncture helped keep me calm, made me take the time out for wellness, and I believe with every ounce of me led me to the happy ending I am now enjoying. The perinatologists said my goal was to make it to 34 weeks--well, we made it there!---and then we past it, by a lot. At 41 weeks a whole set of other concerns flooded from my doctor's mouth. I was induced, and gave birth to an amazing baby boy we named Levi. I felt blissful and relieved, but the challenges were not over. After Levi's birth my blood pressure elevated for a time and concerns grew over postpartum preeclampsia. Now 2.5 weeks after giving birth, pressures are lower and not dangerous, but also not perfect. What is perfect is the baby boy I hold in wonder and appreciation. I still feel the intense life long sting of Josia's loss. At times the love I feel for Levi even heightens the pain I feel for Josia because I know I'll never get to hold and care for that boy the way I am able to for this one. That's the reality I need to accept to keep this train of life moving forward. Ultimately, I am proud I was brave enough to try, and thankful that I was lucky enough to get to experience this part of motherhood. Choose the path that makes sense for you, but know that success is a very possible outcome. Wishing all my fellows happiness, acceptance and health.