[:D]Thank you all for the welcome and most of all the understanding and support. I really, really want another child. After reading your posts, I recalled that my OB/GYN told me-when I asked about maternal death- that the chances are slim and not to let that soley be what I base my decision on. We discussed all of this at my annual checkup-one year after Alyssa was born. I sat in his office and cried--about everything--the difficult journey, the fears, should we try again, the unfairness, the anger...and on and on. He was so very supportive. And what he did at the end of our discussion really touched me--get a tissue--he asked if he could pray with me!!!! He knows I'm a Chrisitan and that asking that wouldn't be inappropriate. His prayer made me cry even more. He prayed for guidance in our decision to try again and God's guidance for him as my doctor. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I have always wondered if this was God's sign to me that everything was going to be ok. I don't always go on just "feelings", because I think God also expects us to use our brains--but I just got an undescribable peaceful[:D] feeling that afternoon. I love my daughter so much and I want her to have a sibling- but like someone else responded- I want more for her to have a mommy. I've just heard some horror stories about PE and maternal death-even one AFTER delivery....but, I guess they are just a few out of a thousand---they just tend to stick with me more than the success stories. I'm rambling---sorry! Thank you again for the wonderful words! I trust you ladies will be with me throughout our decision making and further.
Renee- mom to Alyssa 26 wkr now 19 mo--a walker, a talker, a miracle, and the joy of our lives!