feelings of loss/really an emergency?

This section is for discussions with other women who have probably been through the same signs/symptoms that you may be experiencing. Please note, we cannot offer medical advice and encourage members to discuss their concerns with their doctors. New members, come on in and introduce yourself!
twolfgram
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby twolfgram » Tue Dec 30, 2003 11:10 am

quote:
Originally posted by tresa

Therese
How old was your stillborn? How far along were you? I am so sorry you went through that. How is your 28 weeker doing?

After 5 years of trying we are finally pregnant! Went through treatments and finally ended up pg with Ovulex and green tea. Max Thomas is due March 6th but will probably be induced end of Feb. He weighs 3 lbs as of 12-18



HI Tresa,

I was 29 weeks along with Erik when he was stillborn. He was 2# 14.9 oz and 17 inches compared to Jonathan, who was 28 weeks, 2# 3 oz and 14 inches long. Jonathan is doing great - he's reading at a 4th grade level in second grade and physically shows no signs of being a preemie! Congrats on your pg! Erik was due on March 6, actually! Sounds like you're doing great! Thanks for asking!

Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02

tresa
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby tresa » Wed Dec 24, 2003 04:01 pm

Therese
How old was your stillborn? How far along were you? I am so sorry you went through that. How is your 28 weeker doing?

After 5 years of trying we are finally pregnant! Went through treatments and finally ended up pg with Ovulex and green tea. Max Thomas is due March 6th but will probably be induced end of Feb. He weighs 3 lbs as of 12-18

twolfgram
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby twolfgram » Wed Dec 24, 2003 07:54 am

[quote]Originally posted by Joanne

If you had soldiered on for the "whole natural experience" the result would not have been the same. You did yourself and your baby a great service and you beat pre eclampsia - something to celebrate!

Jo

My sentiments exactly, I had an emergency C-section with my 28 weeker and felt cheated as well. I wanted to experience going into labor and childbirth naturally. Well, the second time around I did, having to be induced to deliver my stillborn son. I got to experience labor and childbirth, and it's an experience I cherish, I just wish, obviously, it would have had a different outcome. Try to focus on the fact that you and your daughter are healthy!!



Therese Mom to
Jonathan - 28 weeks born 10/4/95
Angel in Heaven - Erik 12/20/02

joanne
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby joanne » Wed Dec 24, 2003 03:34 am

You do feel a bit cheated but we turn into the best mums because we appreciate what we have - honest.

You must look on this as you did your very best for your child and as a result you have a perfectly healthy baby. If you had soldiered on for the "whole natural experience" the result would not have been the same. You did yourself and your baby a great service and you beat pre eclampsia - something to celebrate!

Jo

Jo 30
Sandy 33
Kit 31 weeks
EDD 12/28/03

natan
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby natan » Tue Dec 23, 2003 01:39 pm

Right now your feelings are all filled with mixed emotions. Holiday seasons tend to do this. But in a few month, you are going to see your daughter grow into a beautiful child. Happy, smiling, and laughing. There are a lot of women on this form who would love to have what you have. And in a year or so, you will probably decide to go through it again or abopt, or have one child. There all personal choices. Nobody else can blame you or anybody else for what happened. Please!! Don't be angry at yourself. Lets work together to help find a cure.

Be blessed with what you have. Your baby and your health.

Deborah 35
Allen 35
Natan 2 1/2

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catherine
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby catherine » Tue Dec 23, 2003 12:21 am

I totally understand how disorientating it is to not remember such a crucial event in your life, I have lost almost 3 days of my life to preeclampsia. That includes a failed induction, a C-section and being reunited with my husband who was out of state when my daughter was born. Try as I might to dig in my memory there is just nothing there.

It is so very normal to feel loss even when things go really smoothly. Especially when it is your first child. When you are pregnant there is so much anticipation of labor and delivery, without a clear vision of what happens afterwards. Then you end up feeling cheated if it happens sooner than anticipated. The experience you went through just makes everything worse by factors of 10. I think that it is good that you are already using medication to try and control your depression and just keep on until you find the one that works. The physical energy that you have to put in to recovering, not to mention the stresses of learning how to be a mom, is so draining.

Time will take the sting away. Now that Lucy is a toddling Diva, there are many happy memories to override my sense of loss and I have more perspective on it than I had in the beginning. I had another baby this summer (Chloe)and I was a bit concerned that I would feel differently about her. It turns out that each occasion is unique in its own way and the complications surrounding Lucy's birth don't overshadow her or make her birth any less happy than for the other two.

I hope that you start feeling better soon, do come and share here if you feel you need. I, like Julie, have a husband who refuses to talk in specifics about the experience.




Catherine (37)
DH, Dave (40)
Finn (6)
Lucy (2)
Chloe (7/2/03)

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julie f
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby julie f » Tue Dec 23, 2003 09:46 am

There are big gaps in my memory from my hospital stay and my first couple weeks at home. I think in the hospital it was due more to the mag but, once I got home from just the shock. I too wanted to know every detail of my delivery and begged my husband to fill in all the holes. Unfortunately though, my husband usually refuses to speak about it, saying that he has no desire to go down that road.

Can you make an appt with your OB to discuss a lot of these things? I was fortunate in that mine took as much time as I wanted/needed after delivery to try and make sense of it all.

As far as your current meds go, I would keep calling that doctor until you get a response. Post-partum depression seems to be common after "normal" pregnancies/deliveries so, I can only imagine what that means for the rest of us...

37 weeks is great and many of us pray that we make it there next time but, unfortunately it doesn't gaurantee that all will be well. I think that technically your baby is not considered a preemie but, preeclampsia can still cause many horrendous things for both you and baby. I have read far too many stories here of women making to to 37 weeks + with preeclampsia and then delivering a still-born baby because they IMO, they were not cared for properly or, things went from bad to worse way too quickly... I really think that your doctor was trying to ensure you and baby the best possible outcome.

Please take care

Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe

bacheak
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby bacheak » Tue Dec 23, 2003 03:35 am

Follow up on some of the posts:
I don't think they ever gave me the magnesium. I asked about something to just control my blood pressure and the doctor said it wouldn't do any good at this point. I thought maybe bp medicine would control the preeclampsia. The previous week they had told me my bp wasn't high enough for bp meds yet. That was frustrating. It wasn't technically an emergency c section because they didn't use general anesthesia. They just would not even wait until the next day to see if I could get her turned. I was awake although it was a blur. Maybe it was because I was so upset. I also got sick and was given anti nausea drugs. I know I'm really sensitive to drugs. Plus I got morphine afterwards. I don't think they give it during the procedure but I'm sure being out of it for the next day didn't help me regain my memory. I do wonder if the preeclampsia can cause hearing problems because my hearing did seem to deteriorate in late pregnancy. I also felt like I was having a heart attack when they put me back together-I do remember that. They said it was nothing but I had 2 similar episodes in mid to late pregnancy. I'm also upset because I was in such shock over the c section I didn't even think to ask if they could lower the tent for me to see her being born but I never thought I wouldn't hear it and when they said I'd feel tugging I never felt a thing so maybe I was extra sensitive to the spinal as well. I've always had and extra good memory so this happening is very upsetting to me especially on the one thing in life I should remember every detail of. I've been married for 20 years. I always wanted children but he didn't particularly (now he seems more connected to her than I do) and I was just very career oriented. Last year after 20 years I got pregnant by accident (antibiotics) and lost that first pregnancy and then decided together to have a baby. I just can't believe I'm not happier then I've ever been in my life to have what I've always wanted. All I can think of is the bad stuff. I left a message at the doctors yesterday that I was still depressed (have been on meds for 3 weeks) but no one called me back. I don't feel like I'll ever pull out of this. Maybe I would have been depressed without all the preeclampsia and c section stuff but I don't think so. I also lost the end of my pregnancy which felt like a loss too. Anyway, I ramble. I know I'm lucky to have a beautiful baby. I said in the middle of the night to my Ashley that God must of given me the most beautiful sweet baby to make up for everything else he did to me during my pregnancy. Just a note-I did get my hospital records and that really did help a little to fill in the blanks. I also left a note for one of the nurses-I tried for weeks to reach by phone. She said she would call me back and we would talk about what they normally do (footprints first, etc..) but I think because of Christmas she forgot. I'm going to call her after Christmas to help fill in more blanks. I'm sure the doctors just think I'm crazy and would never talk to me for an hour about anything (let alone 2 minutes). Can I legally get all the doctors records? Or only blood work? Thanks for all the posts. One more question.. I guess I was thinking that the baby could not have been hurt because she was already 37 weeks (not premature). That's not the case??

amyk
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby amyk » Mon Dec 22, 2003 02:31 pm

You sound just like I did! I wrote a post very similar to yours some time ago. The first time, I had an emergency c-section and I was angry and confused and felt like I had been cheated for a really long time. I remember almost nothing about my kids' actual births. They wouldn't let me see my daughter for 48 hours, and by then I hardly even wanted to. Plus, no one told me what was happening either. I even never heard the word preeclampsia until my 6 week pp checkup. I felt like I just couldn't get past this, even long after my daughter was born. Two things finally helped:
1) THIS FORUM! When I became pregnant with my son, I wanted to know if this could happen again. Just gaining knowledge about this disease helped tremendously, as did talking with all these wonderful women, who have all been there! And...
2) The birth of my second child. Yes, I got p/e and hellp faster and harder the second time around, and yes, I got the mag even longer, and by all accounts his birth was far more difficult than my daughter's, BUT since I knew what to expect, and I knew WHY my doctor was doing everything he did, I feel like I am totally 'over' this delivery. What a refreshing difference!
Anyway, I hope you visit this forum often and that it's able to help you. Just talking about it seemed to make a world of difference with me. I am absolutely positive that I would still be angry if I hadn't found these wonderful ladies!
Congratulations on your sweet little baby!

Amy

Chloe (8/6/01) 35 weeks, p/e, hellp
Tristan (9/3/03), 32 weeks, p/e and hellp AGAIN

aimeejane
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Re : feelings of loss/really an emergency?

Postby aimeejane » Mon Dec 22, 2003 12:03 am

First, Congratulations on your baby girl!

Second, BOY, do I know how you feel!

(Now, this next part may ramble a bit - I apologize in advance!)

I was put under a general anesthesia at 28 weeks for my first son's c/s, and I had many of the same feelings of loss, anger, disorientation, etc. that you've described. You have every right to be angry at the disease and the situation. (At the same time, realize that the c/s probably saved your life and your daughter's!) Because of my seizures, I am missing memory of most of the time around Nicky's birth, too. Additionally, I found out over the following months that the seizures caused black spots of several parts of my pregnancy.

Someday, you'll get to the place where you can sit back and sigh with relief, knowing that you had an incredible outcome to a dangerous situation. The anger will probably never completely go away, but it will dissipate. In the meantime, talk: Talk about the anger, talk about the fear, talk about whatever goes through your head. I can tell you from experience that keeping it inside makes it worse. That's what we're here for. Have your husband come online and read some of these posts and birth stories, so he can try to understand what you're feeling. Also, keep in mind how scary this whole situation has been for him! (My husband wasn't able to talk about Nicky's birthday for years.)

Lastly, Anne has a great idea - Get the operative notes from your c/section, and fill in the blanks! Make an appointment with the doctor who delivered your daughter, have them set aside an hour if you need to, and just sit and talk, so you can have as much information as possible.

HUGS HUGS HUGS to you!

Aimee - 28
Dh - 29
Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)


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