can't get over PE...advice please?

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missgamecock
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby missgamecock » Fri Feb 18, 637678 10:13 am

Holli, it's hard passing by an area like that. Where I live the town is so small it is impossible to not pass the front of the hospital at least twice a day. It is in the center of town in a residential area on a main road. Town is only 5 miles wide at the outskirts of it. I still even after a year have problems going by the hospital. Everytime I go by I can see the room that Sara was born in. That room faces the main street. I had never noticed those rooms before she was born but I do now. It does get easier though. It takes time. Although Sara was not in a NICU, that was the room that they told me that I was only going to get her for a little while. Because she was preterm she had to spend the night on monitors. It was also the room that she had decels in while I was in labor. So it is hard, but it will get easier.

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caryn
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby caryn » Fri Feb 18, 637678 4:16 am

I am convinced that pop pregnancy books and the Bradley method are all relying on out-of-date information at this point. (This is particularly true of the Bradley method, which is a good 30 years behind the times on this topic.)

And why? Because it sells more books. [:)] An accurate discussion of preeclampsia "scares women." And scared women don't buy books. But they and their babies know to seek care, and they're more likely to survive. The fact that this is obviously a better outcome...? Doesn't seem to have swayed them.

holliadrienne
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby holliadrienne » Mon Feb 07, 637678 9:35 pm

thank you so much for your support, it means so much to me. These forums have truthfully been a lifeline for me...and Blythe I know what you mean about helping others to help yourself, I am constantly talking to the handful of pregnant friends i have...I just wish someone would have been as concerned for me, i.e. my doctors!

Work is getting easier, but the panicky feeling when I walk by the OB department where I had my son isn't getting a whole lot better...I guess things just take time.

I have good and bad days, part of my problem which makes no sense is that I have this huge feeling of guilt...before any problems in my pregnancy my husband and I took Bradley birthing classes. My instructor told us in the class that preeclampsia could be prevented by proper diet and exercise...so when I developed PE and was bedridden, all I could hear in my head were her words over and over...and although I know now that isn't true at all, I still wonder if there was something I could have done differently. I since have called her up and told her how wrong she is to be teaching that to pregnant women, and I told her how I sat and cried thinking I had done something wrong to potentially damage my son's life...

I too search the internet daily, people at work roll their eyes and tell me I should be over it, but I am not and they don't understand. I don't think PE will ever be completely out of my life...but maybe I will be able to help someone with my experiences and that helps me through.

sorry for the rambling, i am good at that...thank you all for being there...

holli

blythe
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby blythe » Sat Feb 05, 637678 6:30 pm

My son Storm was born exactly 3 years earlier than your baby, 7-18-03, at 37 weeks, 5 pounds, 8 ounces, which at least one pediatrician has told me was IUGR, too. Even though he was "only" three weeks early, his birthday this year was the first time I haven't waited 3 more weeks to say he'd "really" reached that milestone. I had birthday pictures taken on his birthday and his "due date" birthday for age one and two!

It's 1am and I should be asleep, but your post caught my attention and I had to respond a little before I went to bed. I hope I make sense, not only am I tired, but this topic brings up so many emotions for me that I may not be able to express myself the way that I want.

I have estimated that I've spent over 3000 hours reading the internet and medical journals in the past three years. I tell people thank God for the internet, otherwise my son would have been raised in a med school library! Obsessive reading has been my way of coping. Even after giving birth to Chance (note the name [:)]) two months ago and having the natural birth experience I wanted, including getting to hold him right away!, you'll notice I'm still reading the boards here and still know my next pregnancy could go much differently.

Meds are good, therapy is good, add a little bibliotherapy and try the book Rebounding from Childbirth: Toward Emotional Recovery by Lynn Madsen. I don't agree with everything the author says, but I haven't found any other book that comes close to helping me process my birth trauma.

One therapy technique I've read about for trauma is to tell your trauma (your birth story, in this case) in as much detail as possible, including your emotions and thoughts at every point along the way (what happened, what you did, and how you were treated) - (write it out, talk into a tape recorder, tell a good friend, write it out and post it here...). The theory behind the recapitulation of the trauma is that when an event overwhelms your emotions and thoughts, your brain doesn't know how to process it. It's like the event is outside of you and keeps hitting you on the head, triggering the overwhelming emotional response. When you put the trauma into words, naming the thoughts, naming the emotions, your brain accepts the narrative, and begins to treat the event as a memory, rather than a current trauma.

Something else to include in your narrative is your detailed preconceptions about being pregnant and giving birth and having a new baby. Realizing in detail what you expected allows you to start grieving. Even though we all may feel horrible about our experiences, we may all be grieving for different reasons. (For me, one of the big struggles was that I was convinced - though I've learned differently in the past three years! - that my baby was better off inside me than being born early. I've read many other women who are angry because their doctors waited too long to deliver their babies. I grieved horribly for the loss of those last weeks, while other women may grieve just as bad or worse for the extreme life-threatening complications they had because their doctors waited.) So honor your specific experience, and grieve your unique loss.

One thing I did that ended up helping me, was helping an aquaintance was PE - helping her whether she wanted it or not [:)]. She was diagnosed with severe PE at 25 weeks (ack!) (and held out to 32 1/2 weeks on hospital bedrest!!!). She was the wife of one of my husband's soccer teammates. I visted her weekly, even though I barely knew her. Every time she thanked me I felt guilty, because I was really taking care of her the way I wish I'd been cared for, not necessarily giving her what she needed. I finally had to accept that I was being marginally (possibly more [:)]) helpful to her, while having a very healing experience for myself.

Okay, sorry for rambling [:)]. Just know you are not alone.

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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby amym » Mon Jan 03, 637678 2:15 am

Holli,

My story seems very similar to yours in many ways. I had PE w/ IUGR at the exact same point as you, and my daughter was also small (4 lbs., 8 oz., so even a little smaller). Is it that you felt things didn't get caught early enough that makes you angry/frustrated? Is it mainly that you don't feel well and it's been three months, or you still have reminders of the PE by looking at your body? I can imagine going to work where you delivered is difficult, and I don't know what to suggest to remedy that. I think if you're there enough you will be desensitized to some degree, but it will take time.

It's also hard to believe our babies are OK because IUGR babies tend to stay small for so long, and you keep thinking, how could something NOT be wrong? But they often are completely normal and no different than a full-term baby of normal weight.

I have suffered from ongoing health problems since I had my daughter, and I've not gotten an actual diagnosis. I operate most days at 50% of what I used to. The only thing my docs -- I've seen 8-10 -- have told me is the pregnancy and PE definitely brought on these health issues. I struggled with being angry about this, and feeling responsible, but I have really just this past year accepted that things don't seem to be improving and moved on. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and know that things will probably be even more challenging this time around, but I am getting closely monitored and feel my desire for another child is stronger than any worries or reservations about my own feelings and health.

So anyway, let me know if I can be of more help. I should also mention that for the first six months after I had my daughter, my doctors thought I was simply having anxiety and depression. So be sure that's what is actually wrong with you and not something easily fixable, like thyroid disorders (which can cause mood problems) or something else. I think with time you will also feel at peace with everything.

Amy

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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby kara » Sat Dec 11, 637677 10:17 pm

Just wanted to pitch in that my DD is almost a year and I still feel like you do. And it's getting harder as her birthday approaches. I know I will be a total mess that day...even though I will be happy that we have her and we are celebrating her first year. Don't beat yourself up. No one underdstands except those who have been through it. :-) But please know you are not crazy and not alone!

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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby amy hornfeck » Sat Dec 11, 637677 8:40 pm

Hi Holli,
I just wanted to say Hi and tell you that I can totally relate to your feelings of anger and anxiety. I was a little different in that I was kind of in denial after I had my daughter. I was in the hospital for 10 days after she was born but she was perfectly healthy and that was all I cared about. Once home I continued needing some meds and some doctor follow ups but after a while, maybe six months, I started reflecting on my experience, then I started researching a little bit because in my heart I felt like I'd gotten some incorrect diagnosis and such.....I was right and got angrier and angrier every time I thought of what "could've happened" to me &/or my daughter. I sometimes felt jealous of the three babies born to my friends who were home in less than two days and perfectly healthy. I then went through some wierd phases where I'd see a picture of myself right before delivery and get really mad or really freaked out. My family members made me even more nervous when I dared thinking I may want another baby because they all kept saying "you almost died! you have Samantha and she's perfect, don't temp fate!" I don't dwell much on her delivery because she is so healthy and because I'm fine and have learned sooooooo much about what happened in my particular situation, but it is still scary and I still am terrified to have another baby.
I hope you can work through your fears/anxiety/anger, as normal as it all is, because you're right, enjoying your son is of utmost importance. You have found a wonderful outlet here and talking online and with specialists may help. Severe PE is awful, scary and I don't think we can ever "get over it", but we can learn from it and really really really be grateful for our babies!!!
Best of luck : )

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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby melanie12321 » Fri Dec 10, 637677 3:35 pm

Hi holli,
i have been very emotional to and i am 3months pp i am not on antidepressants because they did not agree with me , one thing that i havent done which was tell my husband how i feel i dont think he knows much about this disease and how bad it can get which i think i should of gave him some info about it but havent so thats why i am finding it so hard beacuse i have no one around to know what sort of things i have been through only you people here, things do get better it just takes time , take care love melanie xx

newengland10
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby newengland10 » Fri Dec 10, 637677 6:43 am

Am right here with all of you and it's fresh. I delivered earlier in Sept, at 36 weeks. It's been a wild ride since emotionally, for myriad reasons, but the tears and guilt, the sadness, depression does come with the territory. Part of life is dealing with having to address painful experiences - I don't think any of us get a pass on that - somtimes it comes down to adjusting expectations about how things should be. And in the end acceptance is a biggie, but I'm right there with all these emotions. I was blindsided by PE and I'm also having a follow up appt with the Peri I saw, because for some reason I feel like I need more answers or reassurance even if there aren't any...

-Emily

adrian
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Re : can't get over PE...advice please?

Postby adrian » Thu Dec 09, 637677 7:16 pm

hi holli, i believe what you are going through is what most women with PE goes through after their delivery. I may not have personally experience it but i am sure my wife when through the emotional roller coaster and still does occasional and it has been coming to) 9 months since Kay's birth. She blames herself for all that had happened and feels she owes it to Kay for all she has gone through. Sometimes, i feel that she has become just too protective over our little one but then again, after reading the views from this forum, i begin to understand further on what her emotions are. One opinion i have here is, have a good conversation with your husband as it really helps to have your partner's support. I know as i try my best to be with my wife and understands her and i believe she appreciates my support and heals better. All the best to you. cheers


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