Question of the Day re: family size

This section is for discussions with other women who have probably been through the same signs/symptoms that you may be experiencing. Please note, we cannot offer medical advice and encourage members to discuss their concerns with their doctors. New members, come on in and introduce yourself!
amander
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Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2004 04:06 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby amander » Sat Oct 23, 2004 09:06 pm

I have 2 step daughters as well as my birth son. Part of me would like to try for a girl of my own in 3 or 4 years. Another part of me is scared of developing PE or something worse. My fiancee also is hesitant to see me go through the pain I went through again.

Mother of Brandon. Born 29 6/7 weeks due to PE, 2 pounds 9 ounces.

michayla79
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Posts: 69
Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2004 01:04 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby michayla79 » Sat Oct 23, 2004 04:40 pm

Okay we never really set out for a particualar number of kids we always want 3 or more now we have three and keep thinking one more would be good make us even. I get a little worried because of all the problems and stuff that goes along with it. I know if we stop here we will be okay with it but I also know we both really want one more so for us only time will tell PE and HELLP are a big factor and very much on my mind when we talk about the size of our family

kylesmom
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Posts: 186
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2003 02:09 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby kylesmom » Fri Sep 10, 2004 05:40 am

We had envisioned having 3 kids. My DH has 3 brothers and I have a sister so we didn't want to have an "only" child. Then with our experience with PE and HELLP, we are counting our blessings and stopping at one. DH told me for the first time the other day "The one thing the doctor told me that I will never ever forget is 'you almost lost her'" That really helped our decision-making.

There are 3 women in my playgroup of 5 that are pg right now and I am a little envious but so thankful they are having uneventful pregnancies- I loved being pregnant, but for us personally it's just too risky... There is always adoption if we decide to add to the family.

My thoughts and prayers are always with everyone who chooses to become pregnant again.

Jennifer 32
Kyle born 8-13-03 @ 38 weeks (PE and Class I HELLP)
Connecticut Coordinator

mom2tori
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Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:57 am

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby mom2tori » Thu Sep 09, 2004 08:10 pm

My first pregnancy was when I was 16 so of course I was unprepared and not thinking about family size. Losing my son was devasting and I refused to have any more kids because I felt that I could not handle watching another child of mine die. I was very attached and connected to my son and I felt like a big part of myself died with him. After getting married and becoming pregnant with my daughter I was terrified and felt for sure that I could not love her the way I loved her brother. Having the same problems in pregnancy as the first time scared me. We were blessed with our daughter and love her to death. My husband would like another baby and the rest of the family ( in-laws, grandparents ect. ) want us to give Victoria a baby sister or brother. I honestly don't think I can go through another problem pregnancy. I love being a mother but am not sure if mentally or emotionally I can handle it. So right now we are happy with the one we have but who knows what will happen down the road. I applaud the women who have the strength to keep trying.
Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97
Victoria 1/8/02

space_coaster
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Posts: 88
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2004 06:58 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby space_coaster » Thu Sep 09, 2004 05:03 pm

When I was a kid, I thought 4 kids would be perfect -- 2 boys and 2 girls, so each would know what it was like to have a brother and a sister. (I only have a brother, and he's great, but I always wondered what it would be like to have a sister.) Once I grew up, I decided 2 would be more practical, and I would be OK with it if they were both boys or both girls.

I married a man with 2 kids from his first marriage and I knew when we got together that he was ambivalent about having more. He knew I wanted my own kids, though, and didn't say it wouldn't happen. However, after about 4 1/2 years of marriage (Spring 2002) and a lot of trouble we had in dealing with his younger child, he told me that he did not want any more children, and begged me to stay with him. I was crushed, but I loved him and decided I would rather stay in an otherwise good marriage than try to find someone else to father my children. I hoped that one day he might change his mind on his own, and I didn't push him. I was rewarded last November when he told me that as of January we'd have been married longer than his first marriage lasted, and that he loved and appreciated me so much that if I still wanted to have a baby, he was ready to be a father again. I was overjoyed and I went off the pill at the end of the year.

Even though I was 35, it only took about 2 1/2 months for me to become pregnant. I was absolutely thrilled when I tested on my 36th birthday and got a positive result. Morning sickness set in a few days later (in my 5th week), lasted for at least 10 weeks, and was pretty bad -- I spent most of my time in bed and couldn't keep much down. Still, I was excited, and once I got past the first trimester I thought I was doing pretty well. That is, until my OB appointment at about 19 weeks, when I was told my BP was high; still, it was only borderline high, and they told me we'd have to watch it

I've already told the rest of my story in my intro in the Roll Call folder -- I was hospitalized for bleeding and extremely high BP at 22 weeks, and when meds couldn't bring the BP down I was on hospital bedrest for the next 2 weeks. Severe PE and HELLP were diagnosed at 24 weeks and I was moved to another hospital where my baby girl was born by emergency c-section the same day. She only weighed 1.3 lbs, and though she fought a good fight, she died a week later.

Between my difficult pregnancy even before the PE, and DH's ambivalence about having more children originally, I had thought I could and probably would stop with just one child, though if I changed my mind after giving birth and seeing how I'd handle raising an infant/toddler, I would have definitely considered having another if DH agreed. But now that my daughter is gone, I desperately want to have the chance to try for another child. The information I've seen so far is so scary, though, and my own doctor said I could very well have the same thing happen again. And although my husband said it was my decision and he would support it no matter what I wanted to do, I know that nearly losing me to PE/HELLP must have shaken him very badly, not to mention the rest of our families...and I don't know whether I want to put them through that again either. I really think that this time, if I do get pregnant again and have a healthy baby, I am almost certainly going to quit at that point. There's always adoption if we wanted our child to have a sibling and/or felt unfulfilled with just one child.

I have to say that the more stories I read by women who have had such terrible experiences with pregnancy (whether it be PE, miscarriage, stillbirth, or whatever) and yet try again and again to have babies, the more I marvel at just what we women are willing to go through to have children...it just amazes me how strong the maternal instinct is for some of us. To all of those who have been through so much, I salute you.

Jocelyn - mommy to Michelle Elizabeth, 8/25-9/1/04

godsgrace
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Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Aug 15, 2004 05:25 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby godsgrace » Fri Sep 03, 2004 11:32 am

When I was in my early teens I became aware of my desire to be a wife and mom. At 18 I dropped everything to get married and begin my dream. When I was 20 we found out we were pregnant with our first. It was a little sooner than we had planned and our life was a total mess, but off we went on the baby roller coaster anyway!

When we had started out on this “plan” we had discussed 2 kids, but now that I look back at our plan I realize we really had no clue, “2” was just a figure in our minds.

I don’t think during the whole ordeal of having PE did it ever really ever sink in until about 4 months after (along with an overwhelming baby hunger) everything sort of hit me and I began to realize how close I came to loosing my daughter and my own life to PE (I really had no idea what PE was all about until I found this web site).

Even in spite of this experience both my husband and I discovered each of us desired to have a larger family than even the 2 kid plan. So we have decided to enter into another pregnancy with the close watch of several trusted doctors and lots of prayers and see how this one pans out. If it has no complications then we will work towards 4 children, but if things don’t go as we hope we are blessed with the gift(s) God has bestowed on our family (and more time for mom and dad *grin*). Like marcyalwin said in her post “we've decided that she should have a mommy instead” and I have to agree with her on that point as well.

Mommy to Grace Lillian - January 20th 2004, 31 weeks 1 day @ 2lbs 13oz - severe complications due to PE

pugmommy7
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Posts: 311
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2004 07:47 am

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby pugmommy7 » Wed Jun 30, 2004 08:11 am

I feel that in my case the pre-e was less severe and had a later onset, so I would be willing to try again.(no time soon;)

But if my experiences had been reversed, I would not be so sure.
I want to be living for the children I already have and would not want to risk it.
Basically I'd count my blessings, and consider looking into adoption.

Jennifer, 30
DH, Chris, 33
Mama & Daddy to:
Isabella Sofia,1/02/03 born @ 33.5 weeks at 3 lbs,6oz., 16". GD,
Pre-E,& borderline HELLP.

Catalina Amelia,5/29/04 born @ 36.2 weeks,4 lbs.,12oz.,16"
GD,PIH,& Pre-e

nborrayo
Registered User
Posts: 77
Joined: Thu May 13, 2004 10:46 am

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby nborrayo » Mon Jun 28, 2004 09:25 pm

I always wanted to either have 2 and be a foster family to more, or have one and adopt more. I wanted a busy, happy family. My husband always said "1 and then we will see."
With the HELLP and pp depression, that clinched it for him - One. Daughter Claire is healthy and born only slightly early at 37 weeks. He is not really open to talking about another. I would like to try again, but am no spring chicken so I don't have much time to change his mind. I also waver between remembering the nightmare - thinking I don't have the energy to do it again, and wanting to be pregnant again and for Claire to have a sibling.
DON'T KNOW!!! [:0]

Nicole B
Mom to Claire Marie
Born 12/12/03 @ 37 weeks due to PIH/HELLP

cmartin04
Registered User
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 08:19 pm

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby cmartin04 » Thu Jun 24, 2004 02:07 pm

I wanted at least 2, but after the first experience and just reading more about PE and HELLP, I'm not so sure now. The biggest thing is I don't think I could handle it if something happens to the baby. So now I'm thinking adaption may be in the picture some day. I guess we'll see...

Lisa


Lisa
Craig (DH)
Malena 30 wks 2/2/02 2 lbs. 15 oz. (Severe PE & HELLP)

annes
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Posts: 2527
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2004 11:53 am

Re : Question of the Day re: family size

Postby annes » Thu Jun 24, 2004 05:24 am

This topic brings tears to my eyes. My DH is one of three, and so am I. I always thought it was the perfect number of kids, not too many, not too few...now we are trying to decide if we should even have another. I think in my hear that we will try. I don't want Parker to be lonely, and have no one to complain about us with! I really want a second chance to be pregnant. As for now, I am giving myself another year to prepare, emotionally, physically and financially for a second!Then if all goes well, I'll have my tubes tied and never have to worry about birth control again[;)].

Anne
DH Richard
Parker 7/6/03(severe pe)33wks


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