Safe to try again?

This section is for discussions with other women who have probably been through the same signs/symptoms that you may be experiencing. Please note, we cannot offer medical advice and encourage members to discuss their concerns with their doctors. New members, come on in and introduce yourself!
leeann34
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby leeann34 » Sun Sep 20, 2009 01:10 pm

Hi Delissa,

I sent a friend request via facebook. When you add me you can see Olivia as well. She is posted on my profile picture. Take care and again I wish you the best.

Lee Ann Rogga

atvlady
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby atvlady » Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:36 am

Sure Lee Ann. You can look my name up on Facebook.com as Delissa King or www.myspace.com/Delissa_space I have pictures on both sites. I know what you mean about the crib. I go into Darren's crib everyday and straighten up. I have a sheet over her crib so it doesn't get dusty. I get free samples of huggies and pampers and other baby stuff and I put it in the dresser for in hopes another baby. I have decided that if I have HELLP again I more than likely won't try again IF the baby does not survive or has trouble. I will give all my baby stuff to someone who needs it. We buried Darren and had a funeral for her also. She is buried 200 feet from our house here in VA. My best friend lives in Racine WI. She too has been through what we have.
Time an make it easier LeeAnn and within that time you will be able to smile at the joy she brough into your heart. I know it sounds impossible but it will :)
Take care!

leeann34
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby leeann34 » Sat Sep 19, 2009 10:51 pm

Delissa,
I was 23 weeks and 6 days when I had Olivia. I loved her name too. She was such a beautiful child.

The day she turned two months old she developed necrotizing entercolitis (NEC). A very serious bowel disorder that is very common to premature babies who are born as small as Olivia. It was absolutely heartbreaking. She had come so far.....it just wrecked havoc on her little body. She had extensive brain damage in the end....it was extremely heartbreaking.

Today has been hard. My husband and I traveled back to Wisconsin where we live. We had been in Morehead, Kentucky my hometown. That is where we had Olivia's funeral and we stayed until today and traveled back home. How sad it was to walk through our front door and not have Olivia with us. I do believe my grieving process has just begun. I quickly walked in the nursery and put a few things in her crib and walked back out. I cannot describe the sadness. There are no words for it. Just that I am deeply and profoundly sad. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I can only go one day at a time. Even though I hate using that phrase because that is all my husband and I heard when we were in the NICU, but it is true. That's all I can do. Could you send me the link so I can see Delissa? I would love to see her.
Lee Ann Rogga

atvlady
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby atvlady » Sat Sep 19, 2009 07:27 pm

Hi Leeann and hope you are having a good weekend! We will never be able to move on from our losses and the way it has impacted our lives. It will only get easier each day. You and I and many other women has survived a VERY serious condition. We are lucky to be alive. I enjoy life so much more now. Maybe that is why our little girl didn't make it. I searched for answers but can't find any. One day I will know why all this happened. I am just very disappointed that there isn't a cure for these syndromes.
I work from home. I am in the trucking industry. My husband and I run the business and it is tough staying home all the time but I think on the other hand it is going to be a blessing when we do bring a baby home cause I will be able to savor its little life and watch them grow up. I totaly agree with you on wanting to stay out of work. If you feel it is too soon to go back, talk to your employer. They will probably not be able to relate to you cause they probably haven't wore your shoes. If it is too soon, ask for a leave and then stay out as long as you can. While you are at work, try connecting to other women and see if they had a similar pregnancy or knew anyone that did. I am puting brochures about pre-e from the preeclampsia foundation out in drs offices and have had a great response from them! I also have connected with other women in my area.
I hear ya on the biological time clock. Mine gets louder and louder every day. That is one reason I don't want to wait to have another. It took me about 4 months to get pregnant last time and we were SO incredibly happy! I have bought up some pregnancy tests in anticipation.
I go this Thursday the 24th to get my thrombophilia panel repeated. I also found out I have a fatty liver. I will also have to communicate that with my drs Thursday.
I wish you the best of luck in TTC. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how things are going. If you ever need anyone to talk to, please know I am here for you cause I understand!
Take care

About your other post....I have never had any problems with my BP. I have walked everyday before I got pregnant cause I love being outside. The only health condition I have is hypothyroidism and I have migraine and cluster headaches of unknown etiology. I didn't have a problem with my BP until my 16th week. How far along were you when you had Olivia? I like that name. I am playing the name game again in hopes of another!

leeann34
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby leeann34 » Fri Sep 18, 2009 11:15 pm

Delissa, I also forgot to tell you. I understand about Halloween having a new meaning for you. Olivia wasn't due until Septemeber 30. So, this is a hard month for me. Did you have any history of hypertension? You had her so early, but then again I had Olivia very early too. My prayers are with you.

Lee Ann

leeann34
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby leeann34 » Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:57 pm

Delissa,
As I was reading your post I could remember doing the same thing with Olivia. I would sit and look at her and try to remember every feature of her face. My Olivia was also a very beautiful baby and I think she would have been a very smart and beautiful lady. I do remember thinking for her to be so small she was so perfectly developed. She had such long little eyelashes! She was suimply my perfect little angel. I would love to see a picture of your precious baby! I could show you one of Olivia, but I am not sure how to do it unless you just add me as a friend to facebook. Maybe my husband could help me. I am not the best with computers.

I sit and think that I don't know how I will ever move on. A part of me doesn't want to, but then the other part of me knows that I have to. I am trying to be gentle with myself and take it easy but someday it's just hard. My husband and I are doing the best we can. We also have no living children. I am 34 and he is 46 and both of us have always wanted children. It's just a very sad situation. Life just doesn't seem fair and is cruel at times.

Do you work? If so, how did you handle going back to work? I have agreed to go back to work next week. I am hoping it will keep me busy so I am not thinking about things constantly. The other part of me is worried I am going back to soon. I will see how I do and if I feel I am not ready I guess I can take a personal leave. Although, I don't know how my workplace will react to that idea.

I do wish you the best of luck TTC. The really sad part with my husband and I was that it took us almost a year to concieve Olivia. We were so excited to finally be pregnant. When you are our age it's not like you can wait another 4-5 yrs to think about having another baby. So, there is that pressure that if you're going to have another one you have to start planning sooner than a younger woman would have to in the same situation. You definately hear your biological clock ticking when you're a woman in her thirties.

I will pray for you that you concieve the child you so desperatley long for. Please keep me posted.

Lee Ann

Mother to Olivia Kaylee born 6/9/09 23wks 6 days passed 9/1/09

atvlady
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby atvlady » Fri Sep 18, 2009 09:05 pm

Leeann....she was 6.8 ounces (193 grams). She was tiny but as I held her I took in every feature of her face and body and have that set in steel in the front of my mind. She looked a LOT like her daddy. I put her little hand on my index finger and she already had finger nails getting long. She was a very cute baby and would have been a beautiful woman. I have a picture of her on my facebook and myspace page. If you would like to see a picture of her, let me know and I will give you the link.
I know you wasn't implying you were a quitter. I know that this is a personal decision and only one that you can make in your, your children and husband's best interest. What makes me so mad is where is it fair that this has to happen? And to women like you and I who have waited all our life to meet the right man that is daddy material. I am 36 and my hubby is 43. Neither one of us have any living children. Darren was our first. We had 2 miscarriages before I get pregnant with Darren.
I wish you the best of luck and please keep me posted. I know a few other women who are TTC by the end of the year, myself included. Darren;s due date, Halloween day, is coming up. Halloween has taken on such a different meaning. I didn't expect it to be this way.
Take care and get with good, knowledgeable drs. That will make a HUGE difference. Keep me posted.

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caryn
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby caryn » Fri Sep 18, 2009 12:04 am

Leeann, this is a question only you can answer, because it depends entirely on how you assess your own values. It is absolutely not wrong to think about the potential costs here to the baby and yourself; I think many, if not all, of us have done so.

The Experts who contribute here have said that they can generally protect the mother via timing of delivery, sometimes at the expense of the baby. It's less risky to the mother than driving a car for a daily commute. (Sometimes pushing the pregnancy longer doesn't benefit the baby at all, though, because the placenta is too compromised and the diastolic flow is absent or reversed.) They've also said that when preeclampsia develops in subsequent pregnancies, it is generally (but not always) later and milder. For lots of us, that makes the difference and we take home a living child.

Chronic hypertensives have a 25% chance of what they call "superimposed" preeclampsia in any given pregnancy. Given your workup, that might be the primary underlying issue you'd need to reckon with. A preconception check with an MFM would give you more information there.

Please keep us posted as you think about this.

leeann34
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby leeann34 » Thu Sep 17, 2009 10:19 pm

I am very sorry for your loss as well. How much did she weigh or did they tell you? My heart aches just reading about your baby daughter.

It's not about being a quiter. I hope I didn't imply that. It's just knowing when to stop. I too want more children. I have wanted to become a mother for the last 10 yrs. Like you, I finally found my husband and was super excited to start my family. I just never thought it would turn out so tragic. I haven't yet talked with my specialist, but I will before I make any dececisons one way or the other. I wish you the best on your journey.

atvlady
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Re : Safe to try again?

Postby atvlady » Thu Sep 17, 2009 09:58 pm

First I would like to say I am so very sorry for your loss. I too had a daughter to die of extreme prematurity. She was born @ 20 weeks gestational and lived an hour and 20 minutes. Holding her until she died and being SO increidbly helpless is the WORSE thing a mother could ever endure. We should never have to bury our children. I had PIH, severe pre-e and severe HELLP. I almost died myself. I am a week away from getting my LA test repeated and we have the green light to TTC Thursday the 24th. The advice I can give you is to find a dr that is going to hold your hand and stay a step ahead and find one that sees patients like us frequently. One that knows what to look for and run tests on. I completeley understand your fear and concerns and it is ok. I will not tell you you won't have it again but what I will tell you is how I have looked at the situation. The way I see it, you have a better chance of dying in a car wreck then dying of complications of pre-e and HELLP. A 50 50 chance. There is nothing carved in stone that says you have a 25 to 40 percent chance of getting and/or going through this again. There are no guarantees in life. I do fear having a preemie and it suffering some type of retardation later in life and I do fear of dying and leaving my husband alone or with a baby and not being able to enjoy our family. My fears are over rode with thoughts of maybe I can beat this a second time and have a healthy baby. On the other hand I tell myself that IF I did have pre-e and HELLP again and delivered a baby at 24 weeks and the baby had a retardation from being premature, how would I be able to handle that emotionaly when our child looks at us and tells us it hates its life? These are things we have to think about before we bring them into the world. On the other hand, life is about chances and not giving up is a chance I am going to take. I have never been a quitter and not about to become one now. I have waited my entire life to find the right man and a man who would be good to me and my our kids and I will daggon if I stop now! I am mad as hedoublehockeysticks at these syndromes! Life is what it is. I wish you the best of luck. You have to make decisions on what is in your best interest. I did ask my dr should I not try again and she said no she actually encouraged me to try again BUT if I did get any of these syndromes again, that is a different situation. She is hoping I will either not get them again or I will be able to get further along. My ob sees all the sick pregnant women, she said she hardly ever gets to see healthy ones. I do know there is women that comes to their office from the 3 ajoinging states were I live to see drs in their practice. That is why I urge you to get with a experienced dr. If you have one, that's good and stay with them. Again, I wish you the best of luck and am here for you! Please keep us posted!


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