Safe to try again?

[leeann34]

I lost my first child, an infant daughter, to preeclampsia. I had an emergency c-section at 23 weeks and 6 days. Olivia weighed 13 ounces and was 10 inches long. She lived 83 days but passed away from complications related to her extreme prematurity. The last 3 months have been the most trying and saddest I have ever experienced.

I had hypertension before my pregnancy, but was taking medication to help control it. I started showing symptoms of preeclampsia at 19 weeks when my first ultrasound showed the baby was a week behind in growth. My BMI is over 30, but I do not have diabetes. I was also tested for any autoimmune disorders which I did not have. Apparently, I just a bad case of preeclampsia and of course risk factors that put me at a higher risk during my first pregnancy.

My question is because I developed preeclampsia so early in my first pregnancy, is it really safe to try again based on my history? I don't want to feel like I am playing russian roulette with my life or the child I would be expecting. I read blog after blog where women who have almost died, who keep trying and trying because they want a child so badly that they risk their life and the childs. Somewhat disturbing is many of these women know they are high risk and the probability is high that it can and probably will happen again. I want children too, but at what cost to them or myself? Am I wrong in thinking this way? Loosing a child is extremely painful and I can't imagine going through it again. So, I know I am high risk, but is it really safe to try again? I have seriously considered a surrogacy program if and when we decide to have more children.