by RogueFemale (41 Posts), Mon Dec 13, 2010 09:42 am
This is such helpful information from all of you--and it's rather sobering, as well. That's the nasty and frankly scary thing about this spectrum of disorders, isn't it--that it can look so different, on a case-by-case basis. I so wish there were some sort of easy diagnostic "test" for everyone. Every day that I feel lousy and nauseated, for instance, my mind starts to wander . . . do I feel this way because I am 33 weeks pregnant and have joint pain (sadly, I think my rheumatoid arthritis is starting up early rather than waiting until AFTER the pregnancy is over to flare, the way it's "supposed" to). Do I feel lousy because I've been stuck on bed rest for so long and just desperately need fresh air and sunshine? Or is something else going on that is causing me to not feel just right?
I certainly don't want to be paranoid, ad believe me, I'm SO grateful to have gotten to this point of the pregnancy with a healthy, growing baby. But as we get closer and closer to our hoped-for delivery point during the final week of the year, all these fears keep coming in. The thing I am MOST afraid of is another placental abruption--the previa I can handle, and I have no problem with another c-section, and I laugh at the idea that being 41 will make any sort of real difference. It terrifies me because my son and I barely made it last time I had an abruption, in 2007. And even though I know there's only a 10% chance of another abruption occurring, and even though I realize there's no direct proven correlation between high blood pressure and abruption, I'm scared because I know that pressure can be an important factor. And my numbers are currently running as high as they were 3 years ago (and that's WITH Procardia--last time I wasn't on any medication at all).
So I see my OB this Wednesday, and she told me a few days ago that she wants to decide whether or not to put me under observation in the hospital until it's time to deliver, in order to monitor more closely my labs, my BP, and my previa. And of course that would be Christmas week. Of course. I just don't know what to do or say about that. And believe me, I do feel guilty about coming here to whine, when so many other parents here have suffered devastating losses and have been SO much more ill than I've ever been. My concerns feel so petty in that context. But, well, I guess I'm just scared now that I can see the finishing line.
I'm sorry. I'm truly rambling here.