I haven't posted in a very long time, so forgive me if I'm a little rusty.
I lost 3 pregnancies before I finally had a live birth; in the second pregnancy I developed HELLP Syndrome at 19.5 weeks. After my 3 year child-bearing hiatus, I went back to see my perinatologist and we had a frank discussion about my difficulties. He suggested a highly experimental medication (the name of which I generally don't divulge on the forums) with the idea that we would "throw everything at the wall and see what stuck."
I thought about that for a while. I didn't really want to be a human guinea pig, but I knew what I'd done previously hadn't worked, so I took a deep breath, said a really big prayer, and went for it. I now have two live babies. There's no conclusive proof or controlled studies that show it's because of the medication, but that's okay, because - two live babies. What do I care how it happened?
Were my pregnancies scary? Oh, yes. And both of my sons were born early (31.5 and 29 weeks). And my mother, in her not-helpful way, will sometimes ask if I think they were premature because of the experimental medication (I don't), and I'll smile and say, "It doesn't really matter. They're alive and healthy."
I had a point to this post. Really, I did. And it wasn't "give yourself over to medicine! It's fun!" It was more along the lines of...your pregnancy is going to be scary. You're fixating on the LDA, and I kind of wonder if it's because the LDA is one of the few things you feel is within your control to change. (Whoa. I didn't intend to start psychoanalyzing you, either. I need to stop typing at 2:30 in the morning.)
And not to be horribly bleak or even say this is the trade-off, but I'd take a baby with a valve defect over no baby at all. That's my brutally honest 2:30 a.m. opinion on the matter.
You know what? You're already a fantastic mama. Look at you, worrying yourself to death. But this pregnancy isn't going to get any less stressful, so I highly recommend you do what Caryn suggested - take some deep breaths and watch some silly movies. There are a lot of women here to help you along the way, but sadly, we can't reach into your brain and wipe away your worries (which would be creepy anyway).
I'm going to stop typing now. Hang in there.
So I have this silly thing called Antiphospholipid Syndrome, which led to a blood clot in my brain, a miscarriage at 14 weeks,
HELLP Syndrome at 19.5 weeks, and a miscarriage at 6 weeks.
Pregnancies 4 & 5 produced two sons. Hooray!
Big G, born at 31.5 weeks in 2005
Little G, born at 29 weeks in 2008