Bad to worse.

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
miracle3
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby miracle3 » Sun Jul 29, 637364 7:07 am

Lucy, My prayers are with you. I hope you can start to heal from this nightmare. We are always here to listen. Unfortunatly we can't fix. (((HUGS)))

akemt
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby akemt » Wed Jul 18, 637364 12:12 pm

No, I'm not! [;)] Oops. LOL Maybe I am confused and what I remember being an email to/from you was actually a conversation with someone else!

Well, here's some information anyway: If you look up the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the telephone book, depending on the area your phone book covers, you should find a listing for LDS Social Services. If not, you could contact a local Bishop and get contact information that way.

I hope that you are able to find some help without having to break the bank,

lucy
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby lucy » Tue Jul 17, 637364 7:35 pm

Thanks guys and Catherine, thanks for the advice are you talking about Penecostal (Upc)?

I am hoping dh will go with me even though I highly doubt it, I am still looking though and I will let you guys know what I find.

akemt
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby akemt » Fri Jul 06, 637364 7:55 pm

Lucy, you might look into going through your mother's church. Being of the same faith, I know that our church does offer counseling from trained psychologists/psychiatrists (in addition to "clergy") and that they have a sort of "pay what you can" or "sliding" scale as to payment. So, there are two options (clergy, or church associated counseling) in addition to Sue's great suggestion of searching out a support group. They can be done separately or could also work together quite well.

We really do want the best for you and are so sorry that you have had to go through so much. You are not to blame.

Much love,

timelessbeauty
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby timelessbeauty » Fri Jul 06, 637364 4:19 am

Lucy, like I have said, this doesn't mean we are not here for you. Contact a different hospital if you don't trust the one that delivered you or helped Sebanna, there could be a grief meeting that takes place once a month of so and you could partner up with someone that would be able to help you. I know you are a strong lady and have gone through much, I just believe you will benefit from this extra help. I will see what we can do for helping you as well. :-)
Hang in there, don't feel bad just let's move towards getting you to feel a little better. You stay down too long, you will get sick and we can't have that girlie!

Hugs and much love,
Sue

lucy
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby lucy » Thu Jul 05, 637364 10:15 am

Thanks guys I know I needed to hear that although I cant deny it was hard. I am trying and I am trying really hard even though I know it sometimes probably doesnt seem that way and please dont think your words/advice fall on deaf ears, you guys mean alot to me and so does what you say/think but try as I might the feelings stay with me, I just cant explain it[V][:(]but I know that you are right in that I need "to go find someone near me" for help.
I did try/am trying to take your advice on counseling and the one I was planning to use isnt available anymore, I may have to see if I can find a church counseler because we cant afford to spend all kinds of money on a counselour, and I feel so selfish to need that.

I will keep searching and let you know if I find one. Many hugs to you all.

taras mom
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby taras mom » Thu Jul 05, 637364 7:50 am

This is a brilliant post, Sue.

Lucy, your precious little ones would not want to see you suffer. Blame leads only to more blame, and it will not bring them back. Honey, you need to take care of yourself. Sebastian and Sebanna are watching over you; they will bring you comfort if you let them.

timelessbeauty
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby timelessbeauty » Sat Jun 23, 637364 11:53 pm

Lucy, no offense but some days I want to shake some sense into you. We are all here for you and we grieve with you for the loss of your daughter and son. Trust me when I say that we all have second thoughts about what we all could have done better in our own situations and that's where the guilt comes up. BUT .. and I do say BUT... one way to get yourself out of this nose dive you seem to be in is to realize that YOU .. and I say this with all certainty, YOU did NOT do ANYTHING .. WRONG! Hindsight is always 20/20 and you can sit there and beat yourself up day in and day out about what you could have done different or better but HONEY!, it's not going to help you, your family or anyone else you are around. We LOVE you and CARE about you and we don't want to see you in so much pain and realize that you are going through a LOT right now. I have a feeling hon that what you are dealing with may need more help than what this forum can offer. I would suggest that you find a local counselor to help you with your intense grief along with coming to our forum for daily cyber hugs!

I went through a year of research trying to figure out what I could have done differently to save my late husband who died in my arms after two hospitals and five doctors turned him away saying he was fine. Obviously he wasn't fine and I felt like I had let him down in not seeking the best help out there for him, but you know what I have come to find out? I am only mortal, I am human, I can't be super woman and know everything there is to know at the moment I need to know it. I live knowing that I did the BEST I could have done for him at the time for what I knew to do! I did seek legal help to investigate what happened to help bring some closure to see if there wasn't something more the doctors could have done. Maybe that is an option for you but remember, those doctors are mortal, too. A lot of what a doctor does is to act on instinct, and that cannot be taught in a book. They try to figure things out by following a certain protocol and if those doctors did mess up, well, what could you do, you didn't know they were unprepared to handle your case. Once again, NOT YOUR FAULT! If you have the legal system investigate, you might find out of it was their fault and put some closure to that issue.

Vengance is not something I promote, it's not something I live by as it solves nothing and hurts everyone around the one doing it. You are held daily in the prayers of those you have come to know here at the forums and we still offer our devotion to you. I just feel so sad and helpless in that our words seem to be too faint for you to hear and too vague for you to grasp and believe. For that and the extent of your trauma in this situation, I implore you, please go find someone near you for help as well as us. We are only able to type out so much help and the rest has to be dealt with on your own near your home. It's not a defeat as I am CERTAIN your children want you to 'feel' better than you do now. That doesn't mean you cannot continue to grieve as that process will take quite awhile, but for the sake of your family, with this much grief, find some help near you. Qualified counselors can help you find a healthier way to cope with what you have been dealt than a daily self-imposed guilt beating session. It's because we care that we want you to successfully battle your way out of these condemning thoughts and rise above your nightmare. You still have so much to give and offer and you are cutting yourself off from that opportunity right now.

We are in full support of you, Lucy! LUCY, do you hear me, LUCY, you are still LOVED! I want you to replace one thought today of "I'm guilty" with one self embrassing hug! And then tomorrow I want you to replace TWO thoughts with TWO HUGS! Keep going, these hugs are from US! You know me, I'll be checking back with you to make sure you know how many hugs you should be up to by the next time I post! :-)

HUGS Lucy, don't give up on life, it's still here and you still have things to do.

Sue

lucy
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby lucy » Sat Jun 23, 637364 4:12 am

It just gets to me so badly I was very strict about hand washing and sick people staying away but my sister was at a bad point (aka had started drugs wouldnt give them up and was ruining her life of course at the time I did not know this for a fact) and I of course had no idea what pertussis was at the time but she had a horrible cough that she said was an amonia (sp?) or bronchitis (sp?) and it wasnt contagious [:(!] ok I beat myself up over this again and again[V] but I believed her [V] I didnt let her hold Sebanna since she was sick so I figured it was ok, she intially knew I did not want her around because she was sick but she only cared about getting a place to stay and of course she came to me as she has always tryed to use us and I have always tryed my best to help her, she was the only person around who had a cough looking back now that I know the syptoms I beat myself up over and over[V][:(!][:(][V].

One different decsion on my part could have possibly prevented all this and that would have been making my sister stay away but than again knowing its most contagious before the cough even starts I dont know[:(][:(], it breaks my heart so badly and I just wish this wasnt reality. The guilt fills every pore of my body and than I failed again when I couldnt save her honestly I am sorry I cant see it any other way.

I see what Sebanna went through, my beautiful angel that depended on me, I thought about something she did the other night and told Sam but he never had to see her pain firsthand even though I know it hurts him that he wasnt there but what I was telling him was when Sebanna had been poked so many times and she was hurting while they were digging in her arm with a needle[V][V]she in a almost desperate attempt to calm her precious self found her sweet little hand and started sucking her little thumb until she realized it wasnt my boob after she didnt get milk I guess and started crying again[V][V][V][V] It breaks my heart so bad if you could see what she went through.... She had fought them so hard they even commented on it and how strong she was[V][V][V][V][V]

lucy
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Re : Bad to worse.

Postby lucy » Fri Jun 01, 637364 10:30 am

Danielle, thank you so much I just got it earlier and added you (on mommyofsebanna_sebastian)


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