Lucy,
I wanted to let you know that I sent a request to be added to your yahoo messenger at home. To make sure I requested to be added to the right one are you using the pucknstick or the mommy to sebanna and sebastian one. If you don't want to add me its ok. I just wish I could do something for you even if its just listening as a friend. You have inspired me so much with your work.
Bad to worse.
Re : Bad to worse.
Thank you all so much and I am so sorry, I just cant be strong enough to always hide it anymore I keep thinking if so many things had been different....
In my mind upon waking and climbing back in to bed and sometimes even in dreams the pain lives with me, its molded so much of me and I miss my babies so much.
Sometimes it hides in other forms, anger, frustration, etc but it all branches from the pain in some form or other. I sometimes find words to try to explain but more often than not I feel so many things that cant be put into words, it seems so crazy I feel and I hurt yet I cant explain it.
You ladies have been some of the best friends to me and I honestly can say I am not sure how far I would have made it without you.
In my mind upon waking and climbing back in to bed and sometimes even in dreams the pain lives with me, its molded so much of me and I miss my babies so much.
Sometimes it hides in other forms, anger, frustration, etc but it all branches from the pain in some form or other. I sometimes find words to try to explain but more often than not I feel so many things that cant be put into words, it seems so crazy I feel and I hurt yet I cant explain it.
You ladies have been some of the best friends to me and I honestly can say I am not sure how far I would have made it without you.
Re : Bad to worse.
Oh Lucy,
my heart breaks for you, it really does. Words are completely inadequate in the face of so much pain and suffering. I hear you scream for your babies and I want to scream with you. I wish I could scream for you and blow this miserable world away and make everything right for you. You didn't deserve this; they didn't deserve this. You didn't fail them, you loved them, wanted them, risked so much for them. If there is blame to be found, it most certainly doesn't lie with you. Please be gentle on yourself.
my heart breaks for you, it really does. Words are completely inadequate in the face of so much pain and suffering. I hear you scream for your babies and I want to scream with you. I wish I could scream for you and blow this miserable world away and make everything right for you. You didn't deserve this; they didn't deserve this. You didn't fail them, you loved them, wanted them, risked so much for them. If there is blame to be found, it most certainly doesn't lie with you. Please be gentle on yourself.
Re : Bad to worse.
Lucy,
You didn't fail your babies. Honey, I wish I could make you see this. We all know, ALL of us here how much you loved your babies. Sebastian and Sebanna know it too.
Much love,
You didn't fail your babies. Honey, I wish I could make you see this. We all know, ALL of us here how much you loved your babies. Sebastian and Sebanna know it too.
Much love,
Re : Bad to worse.
(((Lucy)))
You DID NOT fail Sebastian or Sebanna! They love you, and they are proud of you, as their Mommy. You are a great mother!!!
You DID NOT fail Sebastian or Sebanna! They love you, and they are proud of you, as their Mommy. You are a great mother!!!
Re : Bad to worse.
Lucy, you are NOT to blame for ANY of this!!! I wish I could take all this pain away and make everything better for you. I wish I could say something, anything to make your day less painful. I am sorry that I can't and I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Please know that we are all here for you and love you very much. You are such an inspiration with everything you have done to help other mothers who find themselves in this horrible, painful spot. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and I am sending you a big hug....
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mikeys mom
- Registered User
- Posts: 1331
- Joined: Fri Jun 12, 637339 6:14 am
Re : Bad to worse.
Lucy stop blaming yourself. Sebanna and Sebastian are always going to be with you. I know that isn't much concellation and I can't even imagine what you are going through. We are all here for you!
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missgamecock
- Registered User
- Posts: 6064
- Joined: Tue Mar 26, 636712 9:03 pm
Re : Bad to worse.
Lucy sweetie, it was not your fault. You didn't fail. You did what all of us would have done and had trust in Sebanna's drs. When you felt she wasn't getting the care she needed you tried to get her better care. I'm thinking about you.
Bad to worse.
You know what I dont know what I have been thinking all this time, I tryed to pretend that I could go day by day but every where and everything is a reminder, every moment, every story brings a touch of pain until I can hardly handle it.
Reality isnt so great and I cannot believe this[V] my daughter was a healthy happy baby girl she was just here and shes gone, some stupid careless Drs and an illness bought about by my careless sister who could care less about any one but herself she has always been that way.
I fought and I tryed and I FAILED, I failed pathetically and it is a failure I fear may be too big. I feel I have to try and rationlize what I say, make people think I am "normal" and "ok" but it just doesnt matter much I am not Ok, I am and have been fighting, I am and have been trying, I am and have been drowning in guilt and pain and I see no escape.
People breeze over the topic or avoid it all together I cannot/will not, rather I close my eyes and lay in silence, or stare at the world and talk quickly the pain is there overtaking me, eating me even worse my baby is gone both of my babies are gone.
I have tryed and tryed but all too late why didnt I try harder while she was still alive[V][:(][V][V]
Reality isnt so great and I cannot believe this[V] my daughter was a healthy happy baby girl she was just here and shes gone, some stupid careless Drs and an illness bought about by my careless sister who could care less about any one but herself she has always been that way.
I fought and I tryed and I FAILED, I failed pathetically and it is a failure I fear may be too big. I feel I have to try and rationlize what I say, make people think I am "normal" and "ok" but it just doesnt matter much I am not Ok, I am and have been fighting, I am and have been trying, I am and have been drowning in guilt and pain and I see no escape.
People breeze over the topic or avoid it all together I cannot/will not, rather I close my eyes and lay in silence, or stare at the world and talk quickly the pain is there overtaking me, eating me even worse my baby is gone both of my babies are gone.
I have tryed and tryed but all too late why didnt I try harder while she was still alive[V][:(][V][V]
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