We have never met face to face, but all of you are best friends!! I felt like I needed some reminders that I will be ok so I came to read the posts again. If you all only knew how good they make me feel knowing I'm not alone and that someone cares and understands.
I've been feeling numb the past few says and incrediably lost. Having to tell people you've lost what you thought you had is really hard. You see the shock in the their eyes that you feel in your heart. It hurts to have to tell them because I know I'm hurting them. If that makes cents?
My mom is amazing, she couldn't be there when I unexpectedly found out. But she came home imediatly and hasn't left me since. It's helping me to keep positive and busy so I don't get down on myself. I have to keep reminding myself I have a beautiful little girl who needs me at my best at all times. It's the best reason to get out of bed every morning.
Tomorrow will be a hard day. Im going to a hospital about 60 miles away to see the high rick doctor that delivered Jaidyn. The doctor I was seeing here was and is the biggest disapointment of a lifetime ( I said that the first time too) But you must hear this....
I called friday and asked to have what was thought confirmed by my doc. But, they left for the weekend at noon. Nice huh? So I called the on call and she was soooo good to me. She went and got the report at the hospital and told me what it had to say and confirm the worst. She let me know what to expect and call if I needed anything. I thought Id wait till mon and hear from my doc, Mistake! I gotta call from her assistant saying "What did the other one tell ya'?" The conversation kinda ended after I told her what was said and that was that. No how am I doing. Let's make a time to see you. Nothing. I did get a call telling me to stay on my meds and get pregnant again. WHAT? This one is still physically here... is there no compassion? So Im going to specialist tomorrow and get some answers. I should be 12 wks and thet baby past at 6. I think something naturally should have happened by know. So we'll see. I'll let you guys know tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it! Love you all!
Jaidyn 30 wk
2lb. 12oz. 14 3/4 in.