Nightmares/Anxiety

[josiah1112]

I recently lost my baby (22 days in the NICU) after being severely
PE and having to be delivered at 26 weeks. At times I cannot seem
to "shake off" the stressful memories and I feel as if I'm choking.
I feel so horrible for not being able to "help" my baby, even though
I know that I did everything I physically could.

[catherine]

I am so,so sorry for your loss, it most be so difficult for you to bear. Welcome to the forum. Sadly, there are many women who post here who have been in your situation and understand the agony you feel. I hope that you can come here and share, and hopefully find some comfort eventually. You didn't betray you baby, you did the very best you could do. Preeclampsia is such a cruel disease that can steal your baby away before you even know what is happening.

I'm sure that it will be some time before you can feel some peace. Be gentle with yourself, you have been pretty ill too. One place that might be particularly useful to you is the Grief and Loss section which you should be able to find here http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/forum.asp?FORUM_ID=8



Catherine (37)
DH, Dave (40)
Finn (6)
Lucy (2)
Chloe (7/2/03)

[julie f]

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to ease your pain but, I hope that you will find you are not alone. Unfortunately there are many of us here who have gone through similar experiences - you have come to the right place for support.

You'll never forget and nor would you ever want to but, I pray that you will eventually be able to look towards the future with hope. Please use the forums to talk about your baby and your experience when you feel able to, I know that helped me tremendously.

Keeping you in prayer,

Julie
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26 weeks due to severe pe

[taras mom]

You are indeed in the right place. It will take a while, but it does get easier with time. Be sure to visit the Grief and Loss forum; you'll find boundless wisdom and support. Take care of yourself, and have a peaceful holiday!

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

[frasiah]

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I cannot even imagine what that must be like. This is a good place to meet other who have gone thorugh the same tragedy. No words can give you comfort at a time like this and I just do not know what to say. But I must say that I am very sorry for you.

Frasiah 27
darling hubby 33
Victoria 7/3/03 29 wks due to sev p-e

[deerhart]

*hugs*
Have you thoguht about private counseling, one on one and maybe group sessions with you and your partner and a therapist?

It was very hard for me to deal with PE and my outcomes were good so I cannot imagine what you are going through.

But, there are a few things in common
Guilt/Blame: its not your fault, just keep repeating that its NOT your fault. Repeat it until you believe it, it may take a few times, it may take a few months (took my a few months and then some), nothing you did caused this, nothing you did made this happen.
Anxiety: now that you know it wasn't your fault you may or may not wnat to know who's it is. I stressed for quite awhile on what did this to me and how do I fix it
Fixing it: PE is not something we can just stand up and fix. There are no gaurentees that it won't happen again. All we can do is prepare ourselves for the possibility and pray that the numbers are on our side the next time. It is okay to be anxious and worried, this is your life and your child's life, but you also have to keep perspective and not let the anxiety or worry control your life.

Despair/depression: the why me stage, I think this is a very very common stage that we sit and wonder what did I do to deserve this? why did this happen to me? For me this started when I was first diagnosed and lasted a long long time. The one thing I held to was something my mother always told me, things happen for a reason and God never gives you more then you can handle. Suprisingly, as time has passed I can see how truthful that statement is.

Fear: fear is good, fear keeps you motivated to get the best care possible, its okay to be afraid and its okay to tell people your afraid. On the same note its also okay to ask for help!!

I think the last thing to remember is that eventually every person touched by PE has to come to terms with it, in their own terms. Its not an easy or short process for most, but things can be better when it occurs.

PE hit me very hard emotionally and mentally, much much more so then it ever hit my physically. Looking back now I wish I had gotten counseling afterwards or even for someone to mention that perhaps I should (You would think that might be a routine suggestion for anyone who has gone through a traumatic pregnancy as we are already hormonally unbalanced that it would be very helpful), instead of fighting through it on my own. At times I was very angry, then sad, then depressed, then just tried to pretend it never happened.
Then I started getting mad (still am and probably always will be about many things dealing with PE)

I hope this helps, I remember the dreams and nightmares I would have and how I would be in the shower thinking about something else and then suddenly I would be a basket case of blame, fear, etc..

Erin

Mommy to Alex and Mason

[josiah1112]

I want to say "thank you" to all of you that
wrote back to me or have thought and prayed for
me. It hasn't been an easy road for either me
or my husband. I actually am seeing a therapist,
who is absolutely wonderful. We also started going
to a perinatal bereavement group. The group has
made me feel less alone, even though I know each
situation is so unique. Lately, I've been feeling
very angry. Sometimes I wish it could've been me
and not my son. I know I need to trust God's
ultimate decision, but it is so hard! I would've
done anything I could to protect my baby. I would've
given my life up for him.


Gloria mom to Josiah born @ 26wks PE

[julie f]

Gloria,

I am glad you are seeing a therapist, I wish I would've done that sooner. (We're just looking into it right now, 6mnths PP)

I know you would've done anything to save your son, you are a wonderful mommy and it is not your fault what happened. I too try to remember that God doesn't make mistakes, it is hard.

Hang in there.
Keeping you in my prayers,


Julie (26)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

[josiah1112]

Julie,

A therapist will help you so much. (Just make
sure you feel 100% comfortable with her,him). Will
your husband be going with you as well? My
husband is getting to the point that he feels
he does not need to go with me. He does find the
bereavement group quite helpful, though. (He enjoys talking
to the daddies that have been through tough
times).

Thank you for your encouragement.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 born @26wks PE