by deerhart (3282 Posts), Mon Jan 12, 2004 10:43 am
Have you thoguht about private counseling, one on one and maybe group sessions with you and your partner and a therapist?
It was very hard for me to deal with PE and my outcomes were good so I cannot imagine what you are going through.
But, there are a few things in common
Guilt/Blame: its not your fault, just keep repeating that its NOT your fault. Repeat it until you believe it, it may take a few times, it may take a few months (took my a few months and then some), nothing you did caused this, nothing you did made this happen.
Anxiety: now that you know it wasn't your fault you may or may not wnat to know who's it is. I stressed for quite awhile on what did this to me and how do I fix it
Fixing it: PE is not something we can just stand up and fix. There are no gaurentees that it won't happen again. All we can do is prepare ourselves for the possibility and pray that the numbers are on our side the next time. It is okay to be anxious and worried, this is your life and your child's life, but you also have to keep perspective and not let the anxiety or worry control your life.
Despair/depression: the why me stage, I think this is a very very common stage that we sit and wonder what did I do to deserve this? why did this happen to me? For me this started when I was first diagnosed and lasted a long long time. The one thing I held to was something my mother always told me, things happen for a reason and God never gives you more then you can handle. Suprisingly, as time has passed I can see how truthful that statement is.
Fear: fear is good, fear keeps you motivated to get the best care possible, its okay to be afraid and its okay to tell people your afraid. On the same note its also okay to ask for help!!
I think the last thing to remember is that eventually every person touched by PE has to come to terms with it, in their own terms. Its not an easy or short process for most, but things can be better when it occurs.
PE hit me very hard emotionally and mentally, much much more so then it ever hit my physically. Looking back now I wish I had gotten counseling afterwards or even for someone to mention that perhaps I should (You would think that might be a routine suggestion for anyone who has gone through a traumatic pregnancy as we are already hormonally unbalanced that it would be very helpful), instead of fighting through it on my own. At times I was very angry, then sad, then depressed, then just tried to pretend it never happened.
Then I started getting mad (still am and probably always will be about many things dealing with PE)
I hope this helps, I remember the dreams and nightmares I would have and how I would be in the shower thinking about something else and then suddenly I would be a basket case of blame, fear, etc..
Mommy to Alex and Mason