Hating my body

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
amandah
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Re : Hating my body

Postby amandah » Wed Sep 20, 2006 09:48 pm

I am so sorry for your loss.. i cant even imagine what you are going through. I wont tell you what you should or shouldnt do or feel i just want to say i am sorry and it really sucks. I hope in some way you become a mother because it seems you were meant to be one

misskris8696
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Re : Hating my body

Postby misskris8696 » Sat Sep 16, 2006 10:25 pm

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I do what I'm supposed to (take meds, eat right, trying to exercise). However, every now and then, just for spite, I eat a krispy kreme doughnut. It can't exactly be likened to the spanish inquisition, but for me it's a sort of revenge. Take it easy kiddo and find your own release for when you're feeling low.
~Kristen

duchess
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Re : Hating my body

Postby duchess » Fri Sep 15, 2006 11:00 am

It's really helpful to just get things off my chest with people who have been where I am. It helps to know I'm not just being overly sensitive or nuts for feeling like this.

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princess purr
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Re : Hating my body

Postby princess purr » Thu Sep 14, 2006 07:03 pm

I can't help you with that one because I still HATE my body. I'm so mad at myself. And then reading things about how being over weight may cause preeclampsia ect makes me hate myself even more. My docs said my weight had nothing to do with it, my blood pressure really wasn't that bad, it was my uric acid and protien that was horrible.

(((HUGS))) I'm right there with you.

robertmyangel
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Re : Hating my body

Postby robertmyangel » Thu Sep 14, 2006 02:50 pm

Ashley,

I know exactly how you feel, I have been feeling so worthless. I wake up everyday, go to work, come home, and get ready to go to work the next day. I try to eat right and take care of my body, but my body didn't take care of my baby, it let him die. I know how much it hurts, and your feelings are still so fresh right now. Please be easy on yourself, and please know that you are not alone, I am right here with you. I pray that in time the pain will get easier to bare.

You are in my thoughts!!!

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rosemary
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Re : Hating my body

Postby rosemary » Wed Sep 13, 2006 08:47 pm

Ashley, I too went through a period that I just hated my body and wondered why me? Why did I have four pregnancies and only one surviving child? Even my pregnancy with my surviving child was physically horrendous. I often wonder - do I have genetic issues, or underlying issues that caused all my problems. I felt like a failure as a woman - I could not do what was to be the most natural thing for a woman to do. I now know that I will never be pregnant again, and I have come to terms with that. I also have come to terms with the fact that my body isn't perfect and I realize that I am so very, very fortunate to have been able to have my daughter.

Melissa made such a good point in her post - no one asks for heart disease, or cancer - Lord knows, none of us asked for PE and other pregnancy related issues. Try not to blame yourself. I hope that you can find some peace with your body and please remember, there are things in life that are out of our control. Please try to be kind to yourself.. You are in my prayers

froggie89
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Re : Hating my body

Postby froggie89 » Wed Sep 13, 2006 08:35 pm

Ashley,

After losing Alexander, my dh would have meetings to go to at night and I'd be home alone. It was the worst because all the questions would go round and round in my head and I'd look at myself in the mirror and just cringe. I hated what happened to me, my baby and my body. I couldn't escape the why, why, why. It did get better in time, but I think keeping busy kept me going. I cleaned, I listened to my favorite cd's, watched favorite movies, etc... In time I did start to feel better about myself and knew that I had done all that I could for Alexander. But what happened was out of my hands. It's not easy, but it does get better but it takes time.

Be easy on yourself. We're here for you and understand what you're going through. Sending lots of hugs your way.

michellelhuston
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Re : Hating my body

Postby michellelhuston » Wed Sep 13, 2006 11:22 am

It is hard to not blame yourself for not being able to do a women's job, when it seems like every other women have no problems at all and pop them babies out one right after another! It certainly is not fair! To help me, i got a 2nd job! I work part time during the week, (my DH has been working out of town M-F) It keeps me busy and gives me some extra money! Keep you chin up and know that you are not a lone! We all understand here! Sending you many hugs!!!

hmoore
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Re : Hating my body

Postby hmoore » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:58 am

Ashley -
Try not to be to hard on your self easier said then done I know. I felt the same way for a long time. I hated my body for failing my unborn child and me. With time you will realize that it was not your fault. I know/you know if we had the option our bodies would not have failed us. This was something out of our control! Unfortunately getting PE is something that we can not control because if it was non of us would have gotten it. I have come to find that the more you talk about it and the more you educate yourself the better you feel. Ashley you are in my thoughts and prayers I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Take care of yourself!


timelessbeauty
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Re : Hating my body

Postby timelessbeauty » Wed Sep 13, 2006 10:57 am

Granted I was not happy (understatement) about how my body reacted to create a hostile environment for my son who passed in 2002, I developed a different attitude to combat my unhappiness. I researched as much as I could about PE and HELLP, I started to take a really good look at what I was eating at the time, changed to orange juice and healthier foods for lunch and dinner (I loved my soda pop and could use more veggies in my diet), started eating breakfast (which I had not been before) and started to walk at lunch times or in the evening (working a desk job was not helpful in staying active). I got proactive about the things I COULD control. I couldn't have stopped the PE and HELLP from happening at the time no matter how hard I wanted to. After all, if the doctors don't know what causes PE and HELLP to stop it, what makes me think I was all knowing to have done something wrong to cause it or "not stop it" myself?? I was all about "baby" before .. caring what happened to the baby, I turned around to be all about ME, I had to make myself better before I could be any good to another baby that might come my way.

On the positive side, I've had two very successful pregnancies after my loss and my last child was born after carrying him the longest I have carried any baby at 38 wks 4 days. I had lost between 7-10 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight and worked on my diet. I'm back to square one again with needing to work on my body as it has suffered greatly with 7 pregnancies but I have a feeling it can be done. I have a touch of low self esteem right now as my weight is not ideal and I cannot fully appreciate how I look in clothing right now but I have the willpower to start working on it and getting things turned around for myself.

I'm not the greatest example of self motivation nor continuous effort on exercise but I love seeing the buddy groups that form on here to help answer questions about medical histories, bedresting strategies and weight loss encouragement. I was given just this one body to deal with and rather than let it totally control my thoughts, I try to control what I can to help it cooperate with me as much as it can.

Ashley, it's not your fault what happened, but it's a natural reaction to "feel guilty" as if we could have prevented it even though we cannot. Remember, if the medically trained physicians that are treating us are still looking to find answers on what causes PE and how to treat it, we cannot possibly know how to stop it or prevent it ourselves. We just have to do the best we can with what we have. You didn't do anything wrong!

If you are on the computer now reading this, pop in your favorite music, smile because you know we are thinking of you fondly and knowing that together we can support each other and get through this. You are not alone, we are here to let you know we have many of the same feelings and issues and are willing to share hugs across the screen. I get this thought that runs through my head on occasion about all our children playing in one BIG playyard and looking down at us smiling and then going back to play, as children do.

Whether we have children or not, we are all very valuable contributing members of this society! We are all talented, smart, loving, and expressive people that I am very honored to know through this forum! If you have a best friend or trusted family member, have them write a note for you explaining all the great things they see in you. Read it often and keep it in your pocket. You'd be surprised what all they find amazing about you! :-)

Many hugs and warm wishes headed your way!


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