Thank You

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : Thank You

Postby josiah1112 » Mon Feb 09, 2004 12:50 am

Hi Mical,

I will e- mail that article to you shortly. I can relate to things
being difficult. I got a phone call 2 wks. ago from a friend in NY who was due after me. She called me to find out if I had
"gone into labor" this was so heart wrenching because I was
hit with the realization that I was robbed of something very
precious. I had such a hard time with this call that I haven't even
called back. Most of the people in my immediate life know. Others
I just can't call. I guess it would make it more "real".

Yesterday I went to church. I did well, considering that two of
my friends have newborns. They are both girls, and my son Josiah
was supposed to be their "boyfriend".

Take Care,

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 born @ 26wks Pre e

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Re : Thank You

Postby michal » Mon Feb 09, 2004 09:48 am

Thanks for all the moral support . Yesterday at work was just the hardest day for me . When I arrived at my office , I saw one of my patients who is due in 2 weeks' time . ( we had done the IVF at the same clinic and had fallen pregnant at around the same time ) .
A couple of minutes later another really nice patient told me how happy she was I was back ,but did not want me to go away again ,on maternity leave ( which she assumed would be soon ) . I told her what happened and she looked so shocked and I just felt like I wanted to burst out crying which would have been so unprofessional .
The next patient , was a pregnant woman who is also due now , and wished me congratulations . By this point I was just finished emotionally , and I said , "no there is no congratulations" and changed the subject because I could not handle talking about it again .

Bonnie, you can give me her number - email it to my private email .
( .We live quite far from Modi'in though , so I intend on making contact with someone in Raanana ( which is about 10 minutes from where we live ) . I have been seing a social worker who has really helped me a lot . I was in South Africa for the whole of January , so we have not met up again since I got back . We planted a tree for Dina before I went to South Africa . It is called a Chinese Lantern and has these very delicate peach flowers . Me and my daughter Tali made a little wooden plaque with her name which we hung from the tree.

Gloria , I would really appreciate it if you would send me the article . My address is .

Mom to Tali aged 5 (5/3/1998 , 32 weeks , PE and HELLP ) , mom to my first angel in heaven ( 20/2/2002 , 20 weeks , PE and HELLP) , mom to my seccond angel in heaven , Dina ( 29/10/2003 -4/11/2003, 25 weeks , PE and HELLP )

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Re : Thank You

Postby josiah1112 » Tue Feb 03, 2004 08:49 pm

Hi Mical,
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. All of the feelings you are
having are normal.-You are grieving for your child! I guess it will time for us to make our peace with God and to trust his ultimate decision. If you send me your e- mail I will e-mail you something that I found on a website (I personalized it to fit me) on being a bereaved parent, which I forwarded to a lot of my friends. This has helped me tremendously. It has also helped them because once they read it they got a sense of where I was coming from.
Thinking of you...

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/04- 12/4/03

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Re : Thank You

Postby bonnie » Tue Feb 03, 2004 09:40 am

Michal, I am so sorry that you are struggling. I know of someone else who recently lost a baby to HELLP in Israel, they are in Modi'in though (I can't remember where you are). I know that they are meeting with a wonderful rebbetzin who they are very pleased with at understanding their issues. If you'd like, I can try to find the name of the rebbetzin (I am not sure if she's in Modi'in too, for some reason I think Beit-El. My mom met her when they were on a mission trip and that's why I think she might be from Beit-El. Our shul is twinned with Beit-El and they do alot of exchange/mission trips.)

I am sure that you've thought about this, but what about planting a tree on Tu B'shevat in Dina's honour? Please take care and keep us posted on how you're doing.


Yoni's ima

Yonatan 7/10/2002 (35 weeks PE)


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Re : Thank You

Postby catherine » Tue Feb 03, 2004 07:54 am

Michal, I'm so sorry you are having to struggle with such pain. I just wanted to let you know that I do know of someone else who has stuggled to balance the issues of her work with her own losses. She is a pediatrician and has lost two babies as a result of blood group incompatibility. She is a superb doctor and was a wonderful support to me when I was pregnant, and with another friend who recently lost her baby. I was and am very aware of how much losing her babies has cost her and yet she continues. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
Moderator HELLP Syndrome Survivors

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Re : Thank You

Postby michal » Tue Feb 03, 2004 07:27 am

I was reading your post and found that I have also been trying to deal with very similar issues .

My worst is being around pregnant women and women with new born babies . A friend of mine who was about 2 weeks ahead of me gave birth to a baby girl yesterday ( it was also my birthday ) . My due date is fast approaching . I know that I will have to phone or visit but I don't know how I will handle it . We went to dinner at friends whose baby boy was born the day before my daughter Dina died . I could not even look at her baby or mention anything about him .
It is my only means of coping even though it seems so cold and unkind .

I have also not been able to pray to God since I lost my daughter Dina . I just have so many unfinished issues to deal with that I feel that my prayers will lack meaning and integrity . I need to speak to a religious leader who is on my "wavelength" but so far have not found anyone appropriate.

I went back to work 2 days' ago . I took off 3 months' from work after Dina died . I had been off a lot while I was pregnant too because of my high risk pregnancy . I also spent 3 weeks in hopsital with severe HELLP Syndrome and acute renal failure . I was dreading going back to work . I am a family physician , and I had such negative experiences with doctors during my difficult pregnancy and after my daughter died . I am still feeling very disillusioned with the profession as I felt that so many of the doctors who cared for me were so useless at being understanding and sympathetic , and had no idea what to say to me after I was so sick , and my baby died .
It was actually easier going back than I expected . I had really expected the worst . It helped to take my mind off all my sorrows , and made me feel that at least I am capable of doing my job and being an empathetic doctor ( even though I am not at all succesful when it comes to being pregnant and bringning another baby into this world ) . I hope from all my difficult personal experiences I will be more equipped to help other people who are in distress , and to be sensitive to their needs.

My work also involves seeing babies , kids and pregnant women . I think one just has to separate personal and work issues . That is the only way to cope . Otherwise I think I would just break down all the time .

Good Luck for your return to work .
I hope our babies are safe in heaven .

Mom to Tali age 5 ( PE and HELLP 5/3/1998 ) ,mom to my first angel in heaven ( PE and HELLP 20/2/2002 ) , and my seccond angel in heaven , Dina (PE and HELLP 29/10/2003- 4/11/2003 )

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Re : Thank You

Postby calliesmom » Thu Jan 22, 2004 04:54 am


I lost my daughter Callie in November to PE and severe HELLP syndrome. I too am a teacher, and took time off from work. I returned right after Christmas, and yes, it was a very difficult thing to do. I teach high school, and I was so afraid that these kids would confront me, or say the wrong thing. Honestly, they couldn't have been more gracious. They all simply said, "We missed you. We're glad you're back." Except for one student I taught last year. He came up and said, "I'm really sorry about what happened." With that, I about fell apart. Just seeing this awkward teenage boy trying to console me melted my heart. All of my colleagues have been supportive. They were wonderful while I was out and took great care of my classes.

On the good side, I think that going back to work was a good thing for me. My kids need me, and that in itself was comforting. On the bad side, I find that people assume that I'm "over it." Honestly, I'll never get "over it." One thing that I did to remind me of Callie was I purchased a silver charm bracelet. Then I found the sweetest pink angel charm. I've been wearing it to work everyday. In a strange way it comforts me.

I hope that you have good luck in your return to work. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

I hope that you are in good health before you return. Don't rush it.


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Re : Thank You

Postby julie f » Mon Jan 19, 2004 05:01 pm


I wish I could say something to make it better but, all I can offer is that time does seem to do something to the grief. It does not become any less but, it becomes part of life and the wounds do not always seem so fresh. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I guess for me, it's just that grief is now part of my everyday and I find that I make it through, that some days are easier than others.

Do you have a close pastor that you can talk to about dealing with your grief and feelings toward God? We were very fortunate to have a close family friend/pastor there with us through my son's life and also his passing. Of course, he could not answer "Why?" But, as time has begun to pass, I have decided that I don't even want to know why because I don't know that the reason would ever be good enough for me. So far, everytime that I have been to church since Zach died, I have not been able to make it through without crying.

About work, I was fortunate in that I was not working before so, I did not have to go back. Sometimes though, I was jealous of my husband, that he got to go to work and I had to stay in this house that was supposed to be filled up with a baby. I started working p/t last month and even though it had been almost 6 months, I still found it hard - mostly because I couldn't control my environment. People would talk about their children and then they would ultimately ask if I had any... I have begun to feel better about it though and feel like it is helping me get back to the "real world." Working with children though I'm sure would be very difficult, I don't know that I could do it right now. Take as much time as you can and as you need, work will always be there.

Thinking of you,

Julie (26)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

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Re : Thank You

Postby josiah1112 » Mon Jan 19, 2004 03:39 pm


I'm glad you didn't have to go back to your
old job. I wish I didn't have to, but I don't
think this is a good time to look for another
job, especially since my husband wants us to relocate
in the near future. I've thought of relocating
now, but it will take some time to sell our
house. I would also have to interview for a job
and pick the best one for me. (Close to our
future home).

Someone told me today that maybe my son would
suffer or be killed by someone in the future
and that maybe God was saving me from heart-
ache! I responded that at whatever age a mom
still hurts. It doesn't matter what age their
child is.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 born @26wksPE

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Re : Thank You

Postby sweetiesuzy » Mon Jan 19, 2004 01:21 pm

Sadly you will hear ignorant and insensitive comments. You seem to be aware of this and able to voice your feelings which is wonderful! So many people would tell me how good it was that she didn't have to suffer being born alive. That somehow they thought that was easier for me. The worst thing someone said was how much fun my husband and I would have fun trying to get pregnant again. People just don't get it.
I didn't return to work for about 6 months. I was fortunate to be able to stay home. When I returned it was to a new job so I didn't have to face old co workers. I know how difficult this must be and I am thinking of you -


DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Peanut edd 8/6/04

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