A dilemma

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : A dilemma

Postby melissam » Mon Oct 06, 637969 8:00 am

Hey Sue,

Congratulations on the new job. Interestingly, while I was off for Kelsi's funeral my job treated me horribly. I had already dreaded coming back to work for them, but after they did what they did at that time I was done with them. I was so fortunate while on maternity leave I was able to find a MUCH better job. So when I returned form maternity leave (8 weeks later) I went to the new job. It was nice to be able to walk in and just be the new person. Not having everyone ask how I was holding up, saying they were sorry all the time and such. I was in control of who knew what about me.

Don't feel guilty or bad about it at all. We all have to deal with this in our own way. Sometimes I just don't want to tell people. Other times I want everyone to know.

Congrats again on the job. Sending you some very big hugs.

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Re : A dilemma

Postby for faith » Fri Sep 26, 637969 6:12 am

Sue - Nice to hear from you :). Glad to hear about your new job, I so understand that feeling too. It is nice to keep things private and be in situations were everyone doesn't know. It is that way at my older son's school (only very close people know and I like it that way). Wishing you the best, thinking of you.

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Re : A dilemma

Postby froggie89 » Mon Sep 15, 637969 12:03 pm


There is something "nice" about going to a new place or job and no one knows your history and can you share what you want and when you want. Good Luck with your new job! Take care!!

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Re : A dilemma

Postby misscoleyp » Mon Sep 15, 637969 9:35 am

I am with Denise. It isn't that I am mad at others, but jealous of what they have. A normal preganacy, going past 35 weeks, normal delivery, etc.

Sue- I can see where you are coming from with wanting to have no history. In that past year, there have been 4 babies born from co-workers in my office and one more is due any day now. Maybe in a different enviroment where people are so self absorbed, it wouldn't bother me so much.

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Re : A dilemma

Postby Guest » Mon Sep 15, 637969 12:57 am

Hi Sue

My name is Denise and I understand exactly what you mean. I lost my 2 little guys. I lost my first in 2004 (we named him Ryan) and I remember going back to work after I had lost him. It was horrible and heartbreaking.

I was actually relieved that I was downsized a little while later and I got to join a new company where noone knew anything about Ryan.

It is quite difficult hearing about people who actually do have healthy, living kids. It is not that I am not happy for them but a part of me is jealous (if I am to be totally honest here - please don't take offense anyone!).

On top of all of that I have some other MAJOR problems that I am dealing with but I don't want to depress you anymore than you already are![:)]

I know that I need to be strong but it is hard. So, I hear you girl. Email me anytime if you need to chat.

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Re : A dilemma

Postby angelkat » Sun Sep 14, 637969 4:30 pm


I felt so relieved when I was hired where I am currently working. I thought wow no one knows anything about my life and I won't have some people acting "strange" around me.

It lasted a whole week before I talked about Katlyne. It was "nice" to tell my story to people that really cared and not people who felt sorry for me etc.

I have to say, my friends at my job where so nice on Katlyne birthday a few of them got together and got a card along with a birthday cake to help my celebrate. What's sad is I can relate more to people who have had a loss of any kind as we now become a part of a special club.

Didn't mean to go on and on... Good luck to you on your new job and I wish you peace and comfort!

*nice to see you again*

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A dilemma

Postby sjs40 » Sun Sep 14, 637969 4:05 pm

It's been a while since I posted. I don't read posts as often as I used to as Im trying to come to terms with not having a living child.

I am starting a new job next week, and Im ashamed to say that I am quite relieved that I am just going to be 'Sue the new employee' not 'Sue whose babies died'. I can choose who I tell about my little Ellie and the little bean. If Im not ready, then I will not share. It's been almost 4 years since Ellie was born and little bean should have been coming up 1 now.

I do feel bad about it, but have come to realise that for my own sanity I need to get on with life and only share my babies with people who really care and understand.

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