How do you know?

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : How do you know?

Postby sreeve » Thu Sep 28, 637972 3:15 pm

I started counseling about 7 weeks after I lost my daughter. I knew I needed to see someone the week before, when I first headed back to work. Just being around people hurt so much, I was having a really difficult time just living my daily life. Seeking out professional help was the best thing I could have done for myself and for my marriage. Having a good, sympathetic and understanding counselor has preserved my sanity. Now, 8 months after our loss, I still see my counselor twice a week (once with my husband, and once by myself). Having my counselor's support has helped me with my grief and prepare for my current pregnancy. I hope you find someone who can help you deal with your grief and get ready to welcome your BellyBean #2.

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Re : How do you know?

Postby kelly1972 » Sun Jul 23, 637972 10:38 am

So sorry that your first attempt at grief counselling didn't work out. It's sad that the counsellor was so insensitive. I wish you had a better experience, finding the right person to talk to can be tough. Fortunalty for us we had a terrific counsellor who was the mother of a stillborn and that helped tremedously. If you are feeling that maybe you should see someone to talk about grief then it would be worth the try. Good luck.

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Re : How do you know?

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Sat Jul 22, 637972 6:13 am

I'm so sorry that you had an insensitive counselor and I hope that hasn't deterred you from trying again.

For me, seeing a counselor was the best thing I could do for myself. I knew I needed help when I started being angry with my mom for spending time with my new niece. I just couldn't stand the fact that she was loving another child. I was very fortunate to find a counselor who was very caring and understanding. I was ready to heal and become the woman my son would be proud of. So my counselor had me make small goals and I achieved each one of them. I saw her for about 5 months and I feel at peace now. The hardest part for me was having to admit that I needed professional help. I hope you find the right person because I do believe it can be beneficial in your healing. I wish you peace!

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Re : How do you know?

Postby rosemary » Tue Jul 11, 637972 12:18 pm

I think that we all deal with grief in our own way and find so many different ways to find healing and peace. It can be tough to find the right counselor. The first one that I went to was very compassionate but just kept telling me to be proud of myself for just surviving. It was like she was trying to push me past where I was at that time and it was just a few months after my loss. While it's important to try to focus on the positive, sometimes there isn't much positive. I think of grief like a monster. You can run, you can hide, but eventually it finds you. There is a lyric in a Pearl Jam song that always resonates in my head - "the sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied". Denial was my friend for a short time, but it didn't take too long for things to come crashing down and for reality to set in. The other ladies had some wonderful suggestions concerning counseling. If you can find someone that deals with child loss, I think you should be able to find someone who really does understand how you feel.

I wish you peace.

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Re : How do you know?

Postby julie f » Sun Jul 09, 637972 7:35 am


I never saw a counselor after losing Zach, I was too scared that I'd never be able to pull it all together. All I wanted was to be pregnant again and I was so scared a counselor would help me see that I wasn't ready...

About five months ago I saw my peri again and I broke down in his office. With his kind ways, he gently told me that it was time, that the boxing it up and the denial wasn't working so well any more. I know that he is right but I still haven't seen a counselor yet, I admire everyone that can take that step when they need it.

So how do you know? I think like Jana mentioned, if you're wondering, then maybe it's time to check it out.

Thinking of you,

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Re : How do you know?

Postby froggie89 » Thu Mar 19, 637970 7:50 pm


I didn't go to counseling after I lost Alexander. I was fortunate to have a pastor who has a lot of experience with grief counseling and she would be there when I needed it. I decided to go to counseling after I realized I hadn't accepted the loss of our second pregnancy and dh and I had a huge fight in November. It has helped me with both losses and with my relationship with my dh. I was lucky that I found a great counselor right off the bat.

I'm sorry that the counselor you saw was insensitive. I hope that you are able to find the right one for you and that it helps you as it has helped me. Good Luck!

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Re : How do you know?

Postby jana m » Thu Mar 19, 637970 12:30 am

My husband and I never even gave ourselves the opportunity to try it on our own. The week after we lost our girls, our doctor gave us a referral to a therapist who specialized in infant loss and we started right away. We did this weekly in conjuction with two different support groups that met monthly. If you are asking yourself the question, then maybe that's your answer. If you're wondering about it, then maybe it means you are ready for some additional support.

We were lucky to click with the first therapist we saw, but were prepared to have to try a few different ones if we needed to. If the therapist is not sensitive to your feelings or if you don't feel comfortable talking to him/her then it's time to move on and find a different one. Your healing is too important to settle for someone who you don't feel you can be completely open with. You need to be able to trust this person with your deepest, darkest inner-most thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen with the first person you see, but it is worth the extra effort to find someone you really like.

It's been a little over 9 months and my husband and I still go, although schedules don't always permit a weekly visit (but we do go weekly whenever we can). It has been crucial to our healing process. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you walk through your grief. It's never easy, but it does make it just a little bit easier.

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Re : How do you know?

Postby annes » Wed Mar 18, 637970 9:47 pm

I don't know the answer to that question, as I have not gone to counseling. I probably should go. I am so sorry that your counselor was so insensitive, I feel like they should at least pay enough attention to you that you don't have to continually clarify a key fact in the story of why you are there. Good luck with everything, running a marathon is amazing!

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Re : How do you know?

Postby for faith » Wed Mar 18, 637970 8:56 pm

Sorry to hear such insensitivity coming from a grief counselor, makes me so mad. I haven't had any counseling, but I know the right kind can really help. Hope you find the right person who really understands the loss of a child. Wishing you the best.

Wanted to wish the best of luck with the marathon too, that is incredible, Madison will be so proud!

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Re : How do you know?

Postby lisainnj » Wed Mar 18, 637970 8:46 pm

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