Is this normal ?

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Is this normal ?

Postby michal » Wed Feb 25, 2004 01:38 pm

Recently my six year old daughter has come running up to me in tears , and then goes on to tell me that she is missing Dina .
( Dina died 3 months ago , after having lived for 5 days . )
We talk about Dina for a while and then she goes back to play and seems quite happy .

On Family Day ( which was about a week ago ) she drew a picture of our family - there was a picture of Tali ,Mommy and Daddy , and in another colour she drew Dina "in my imagination " . She also drew a card for Dina wishing her a Happy Year .

It makes my heart bleed to see my daughter so upset . I never meant to drag her into all my sorrow .
I am not sure whether to take her to a child psychologist so that she is able to "express " some of what she is feeling .
She is a happy well adjusted little girl and I don't want to rock the boat .

Did anyone else have similar experiences ?

Michal
Mom to Tali ( PE and HELLP , 32 weeks ,5/3/1998 ) ,my first angel in heaven ( PE and HELLP , 20 weeks , 20/2/2002 ) , my seccond angel in heaven , Dina Chaya Hodaya ( PE and HELLP , 25 weeks , 29/10/2003-5/11/2003 )
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Re : Is this normal ?

Postby sandy » Wed Feb 25, 2004 02:03 pm

Michal, I am deeply sorry to hear of your recent loss. And on top of that, it must break your heart to see your daughter expressing such sad thoughts as well. I do not know how you are feeling. I can say that her behavior does sound normal considering what the family has experienced. What I can suggest is that you look into a professional for your daughter to talk to. Maybe the whole family would benefit from having a professional to talk to? There was recently discussion here about the benefits of going to talk with a counselor...I"ll look and see if I can find it for you to read as well.

Here is one of the discussions: http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2238&SearchTerms=do,you,wish,counseling

Do a "search" and you will probably find more discussions about this.

~Sandy/DD born via emergency C at 35 wks. June '03 due to Severe PE/chronic HBP/asthma
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Re : Is this normal ?

Postby sweetiesuzy » Wed Feb 25, 2004 04:53 pm

Michal,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your loss is so new - I would say that your daughters grief is very appropriate. My son will be nine in March and he still includes our daughter that died in stories and pictures. She died over two years ago...

For further information you can go to a search engine such as gogle.com and type in children and grief. There were many pages that came up when I did the search. You could also contact your local hospice or grief and loss group. They will have tons of great information, insight and understanding about what your family is going through.

I know it makes you so very sad to see your daughter grieving, but it seems obvious to me how much you love her and what a wonderful mom you are.

Take care - hugs,
Suzanna

DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ Peanut edd 8/6/04(It will be July)
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Re : Is this normal ?

Postby jenndola » Thu Feb 26, 2004 00:38 am

Michal,

I'm not a mom, and I'm not an expert by any means, but I have mentored some younger kids that have been through some tough times, and it sounds like it certainly couldn't hurt to have Tali see somebody. She could even do Play Therapy--basically, go in with a therapist, and "play" out her feelings, a method that I've seen have great success in younger kids, without causing them any sort of trauma or really bringing bad feelings to the forefront. It's amazing how a child's psyche can resolve things without really facing them (whereas we, as adults, sit and stew over them day in and day out).

You might want to check around and see if you can find a child psychologist that does play therapy. I know it's used extensively in younger children who aren't really able to talk about feelings, but with Tali, drawing pictures and playing house with dolls might be a useful way to work out feelings.

Hope this helps some. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jenndola
m/c at 14 weeks (1/15/00)
HELLP and PIH at 19 weeks (10/15/00)
m/c at 6 weeks (8/01)
Antiphospholipid Syndrome extraordinare ("Well-Defined," my peri likes to call it. As in, "If you met one more diagnostic criterion we'd think you were making this up, it's so classic." He's so tactful.)
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Re : Is this normal ?

Postby michal » Sun Mar 07, 2004 01:38 pm

I have been really busy and have not been on line since I posted my mail , but to those ladies who responded , thanks so much for the advice .
Since I posted ,Tali has not said anything more about her baby sister , so I am still undecided as to what to do .

I have been going for counselling which I have found really helped me to get through this awful ordeal . I am definitely all for going to get professional help .I am now seeing my counsillor about once a month as I am generally coping much better now and I think that I am emerging from the deep dark abyss that I was in .

I had to take Tali for a blood test last week and I was so traumatized by the fact that my daughter had to endure being needled . She also had to do a hormone test , and had to have an IV line for an hour .I was almost in tears although I did not let her see . It is all so absurd as I am a family doctor and part of my work involves taking bloods and putting up IV lines .
I think though I have been so traumatized by my PE/HELLP experiences and near death experience that I just can't handle seeing my daughter having to suffer , even though it was only for an hour !

Michal
Mom to Tali ( 5/3/1998 , PE and HELLP 32 weeks ) , my first angel in heaven (20/2/2002 , PE and HELLP 20 weeks ) , my seccond angel in heaven Dina Chaya Hodaya ( 29/10/2003 - 4/11/2003 , PE and HELLP 25 weeks)

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Re : Is this normal ?

Postby taras mom » Sun Mar 07, 2004 05:41 pm

I can understand your feelings about seeing your little girl on an IV! It's bad enough going through all that ourselves.

It sounds as if Tali has been expressing her feelings perfectly well. I haven't had the honor of raising any children yet, but I think she's doing what any well-adjusted child would do: drawing and talking and not bottling things up. However, it couldn't hurt for her to see a therapist for a session or two, just to make sure. Your counselor can probably recommend a good one. If she's having ongoing health problems, she might be worried that she's going to "go away," as Dina did, so you might need to make an extra effort to see that she understands what the IVs and tests are for.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel
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