by taras mom (841 Posts), Sun Feb 29, 2004 06:46 pm
I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm also sorry you're not getting the support you need. Like me, you are the mom of a precious baby girl who died way too soon; that's part of your identity now, and the people in your life need to respect and accept that. How can you heal if you're surrounded by denial and indifference?
I don't know who's keeping those pictures from you (I'm getting mad just thinking about it!), but you have every right to see them. In my case, the NICU staff got a brand-new digital camera and took pictures of my little Tara. I wasn't sure I wanted them to take pictures at the time, but I'm SO glad they did. For a long time I couldn't bring myself to look at them, and for a while I felt compelled to look at them every day. Being able to look at them whenever I choose has been very helpful to me.
If none of your family and friends(?) will support you, I urge you to find a counselor who will, whether it's a professional therapist, a spiritual advisor, a social worker from the hospital, or whatever. This forum is a great place for encouragement and advice, but I think you also need someone to help you directly. You might need to limit your contact with some of these people, temporarily or permanently, if they are doing you more harm than good. You might feel a bit selfish or guilty, but you have every right to take care of yourself.
I have a suggestion: Have you visited the baby's grave site? Maybe you could take a special day just for you and your baby. Go to the grave and light candles, pray, or just talk to your little girl--whatever is most meaningful to you. Bring a cleric or go by yourself, but don't feel obligated to account for your whereabouts to anyone. Make sure it's all about you and her. She's your baby girl! What could be more important?
It does get easier with time, but as Gloria and Suzanna said, you need to grieve.
DH Bill (40)
The Mightiest Little Angel