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Are you willing to try again?????

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Are you willing to try again?????

Postby amillhouse » Tue Mar 02, 2004 02:49 pm

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Tue Mar 02, 2004 02:49 pm

Hi, everyone. This is not a survey, I just want to get some perspective from those who really understand. Given what we have all been through in losing a child/children, would you go through this again, especially knowing the risks of PE/HELLP?

I will respond first. When my son was still alive, I thought to myself, I will not be going through this again. But after he passed, and as the days go on and I get more information and expert opinion, I almost feel that I must try again - for myself, my husband, for my son. We are still a ways from finally deciding on this but I am acting like I am on the way to TTC.

I have no desire to try to replace Isaiah - no one could and I would never put that burden on another child. But I do feel that I could try again. We do intend on adopting in the future, but that was always our desire.

How do others feel? Will you try again and why or why not?

Mommy to Isaiah (angel) 1/20/04 - 2/17/04
28 weeks 1 day gestation
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby julie f » Tue Mar 02, 2004 04:31 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Tue Mar 02, 2004 04:31 pm


We will try again, hopefully this month. When I was in the hospital before I delivered, I told my husband I wanted my tubes tied. After we lost our son, I wanted to be pregnant again that instant. Like you, I am not expecting another child to replace Zach but, I know without any doubt now that I am meant to be a Mommy. Everyone always tells you, you'll never understand what it's like until you have a child of your own. I now truly understand and that is my heart's desire.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby lisac » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:07 pm

by lisac (247 Posts), Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:07 pm

Hi Anika,

I'm absolutely determined to try again. Like Julie I have a gut feeling that I'm meant to be a mother. The risk to my own health/life, with careful monitoring, is very low; as for my baby, I've decided that all I can do is love that little life inside me. That's what I can control.
We'll be trying again, hopefully, in the next few months. I can't wait to follow both of you--Julie & Anika--through your subsequent pregancy. Maybe we'll all overlap!
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby angelkat » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:08 pm

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:08 pm

After long talks and having consults with the peri we decided to try again. I was ready (so I thought) all along but DH was at a totally different place then I was. After Katlyne's first birthday he said he was ready and wanted TTC again. Here we are 12 weeks into this preg and yes, I had to stop work already and increase my BP meds BUT, so far it's going good. Yes, there will always be worry but I hope and pray this time it will be different. And I will be able to bring our little baby home with us...


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Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) and little bud (Due 09/11/04)
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby josiah1112 » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:48 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:48 pm

Hi Anika, (I like that name)

If my son would have survived I would have never contemplated the
possibility of trying again. Now and days I go back and forth with this in my mind. (My husband leaves it entirely up to me and says that he will support me with whatever I decide).
I would just hate to bring another baby into this world to suffer! I know this is something that I cannot control... it hurts me because
I have such a good reputation of doing miracles with other people's
children (I am a special ed teacher) and I feel like I couln't take
care of my own child....I know I did everything I could...

I am leaning towards trying again, but I have decided
that I would not do anything "aggressive" to fulfill that like surrogate mother-hood or IVF if we have a hard time conceiving.
I wouldn't want to "push" the situation, especially since God
will have the ultimate decision anyway.

Trying for now is out. We are relocating to a new state. This is
fine for me. I can still feel my body healing. I have also read
that trying too soon after a C- section puts you at increased
risk for uterine rupture.

Adoption is also something that I have dreamed of doing. I have
to wait to get settled in Florida before we can put in the paper-
work. I can't wait...

Take Care,
And I thank all you gals for sharing and you are right, we really
understand how high the stakes are.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 @ 26 wks pre e
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby sjs40 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 01:50 am

by sjs40 (288 Posts), Wed Mar 03, 2004 01:50 am

Hi Anika

This is one I am really struggling with! I am 40yrs old, and have pcos with fertility problems. When I was married we went through all the tests, Clomid etc but nothing worked so we were referred for IVF/ICSI and were saving the money. We divorced before we tried the ICSI so when I met Chris I told him that I couldnt conceive without medical help, and due to changed financial circumstances we could not have afforded to pay for treatment now. We resigned ourselves to probably remaining childless.
At the end of 2002 we decided to see what would happen if we let nature take its course... early in Feb I realised that af was particularly late (my cycles are long and unpredictable), I did a test and it was positive! My long awaited baby had happened all by herself.
I couldnt relax at all as I knew that pcos gave a higher risk for miscarriage, but apart from some bleeding at 8 wks I was still pregnant... At 12 wks a nuchal scan gave a 1 in 29 risk of Down syndrome but we declined further testing due to risk of miscarriage and the fact that we wouldnt have terminated anyway. At 20 wks I got gestational diabetes complete with insulin 3 times a day, then at 26+4 I was admitted to hospital with severe pe and Ellie arrived at 27wks weighing just 1lb 4oz and with Down syndrome.
Ellie fought so hard to stay with us, she never needed ventilation and was just concentrating on growing. Ellie got ill at 25 days old and died of NEC and renal failure caused by it at 27 days old.

I thought I couldnt ever be pregnant, then Ellie arrived. Although I know that I couldnt help anything that happened, I feel so guilty that Ellie had so much to cope with in her short life, and find it particularly hard that the infection that killed her is one that is most common in tiny preemies. We can never replace Ellie, she was our miracle baby, but I feel that if we do not try again we are somehow doing her a great injustice. Its difficult to explain.....we were/are parents when we thought we couldnt be, and to not try again almost feels as though we are saying we have been there and it didnt work out so we will give up now.
The other problem is that we can see it all happening again and that is so scary. I have been told that I would be seen every week by the high risk unit at the hospital, but even that is not totally reassuring - it just means that they will be more aware of what is happening.
Time is the major issue if we do try again, Ellie was born 2 days after my 40th birthday, and we will not even consider trying again until after her 1st birthday. For obvious reasons we cannot leave it much longer either.

Sorry that is such a long post...there is so much going on in my head right now about all of this. I know you will totally understand as you are going through the same thoughts and fears.

Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby kdreher » Wed Mar 03, 2004 07:15 am

by kdreher (2482 Posts), Wed Mar 03, 2004 07:15 am

I would be willing to try again..I think! I did have my tubes tied in 2000 after getting married and my husband stressed his major concern. I didn't want to risk my life or another childs. Do I regret getting my tubes tied, sometimes. The cost of invitro is very high w/o any guarantees of pregnancy. I am looking forward to being a mom one day be it through adoption or if I am lucky a surrogate.

Kris (34)
DH, Tom (33)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks pe/HELLP) or
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby michal » Sun Mar 07, 2004 01:51 pm

by michal (20 Posts), Sun Mar 07, 2004 01:51 pm

I know for me I will not be able to fall pregnant again becuase of the risks involved . That in itself is another "loss" that I have to deal with .
I would like to look into surrogacy but my husband is not prepared to take the risks involved with doing the ovarian stimualtion in order to retrieve as many eggs as possible . I think it was just too traumatic when he saw me nearly lose my life when Dina was born .
I know for me I would be prepared to take the risk but the decision is a joint one ,and we both have to be in it together .

So for us I think that adoption will be our only option .
After trying to have another child for so many years , I feel like I would like to start the process already , but I know I am not emotionally ready for it yet . It is too soon after having lost Dina , and I still have to gather my emotional strength back together .No child will ever replace the babies that I have lost , but the knowledge that maybe one day I will be able to have another child , helps to ease some of my pain .

I noticed that there are other moms here who are considering adoption .I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings about the issues that you have considered .

Mom to Tali ( 5/3/1998 , PE and HELLP , 32 weeks ) , my first angel in heaven ( 20/2/2002 , ,PE and HELLP , 20 weeks ) , my seccond angel in heaven , Dina Chaya Hodaya , 29/10/2003 - 4/11/2003 , PE and HELLP 25 weeks )
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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby beckty » Mon Mar 08, 2004 02:27 pm

by beckty (168 Posts), Mon Mar 08, 2004 02:27 pm

I am so glad I found you all. This is a topic I am struggling with today. I was actually cruising the web in hopes of getting some preliminary "what are the chances of it all happening again" information.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a peri-natologists group at the University Of Colorado Hospital to hope to determine what on earth happened to me and why and if it might happen again. I had a severe placental abruption (nearly needed a transfusion and was hosp. for several days)at 15 wks gestation. Through it all, my little William's heartrate never changed. It was a healthy 150 to 160 the whole time. He hung on, in spite of the absence of Amnio-fluid from that day until nearly 27 weeks. I was on bedrest, but he did not thrive and it was determined that his lungs would probably not develop.

We thought that was the worst of it and we were waiting out the pregnancy, unwilling to terminate. Then all of a sudden I started to feel ill and a severe case of PE hit me hard. They never knew why I got so sick so quickly, but he began to show signs of distress about 1.5 days into my illness. We delivered by emergency c-section, but there wasn't anything to be done for him.

The whole pregnancy was a nightmare, and now I am a little afraid that they'll tell me tomorrow that probably I shouldn't try again (I've been through SO MANY blood tests looking for clotting disorders and auto-immune diseases) but part of me is almost preparing mentally for that already and is ok with it.

I am SO confused.

The idea of trying again and having a baby that does survive another horrible PE episode and is delivered early to be handicapped seems to cruel to contemplate. It makes me feel like I'd be selfish to try. Does anyone else feel that way?

I have one healthy 10 year old (that pregnancy was perfect, of course) and I feel like I should be grateful. But my DH has never had a child of his own, and I would so love to have one with him. Losing William was so difficult for us.

I am torn down the middle on this. I am doing ok right now, but I can't FATHOM going through that whole nightmare again. If I KNEW for sure it would all turn out ok, I'd go through anything for my child. But it's the not knowing...

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby for faith » Wed Mar 10, 2004 03:16 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Wed Mar 10, 2004 03:16 pm

This is also on my mind. I just lost my daughter in January and not sure if we will try again or not. I had high blood pressure with my son and delivered him at 36 weeks, no problems. I developed severe preeclampsia and had my daughter at 30 weeks, she lived a month and then passed. Just wondering if this will come worse and earlier for me if I get pregnant again. I am scared, but want another child also. I am 34, soon to be 35 and if I am going to get pregnant I want to do it soon. I am going to lose some weight and get as healthy as possible to at least get that risk out of the way and probably will try again in 6 months.

Does anyone know if spacing between pregnancies makes any difference?

mommy to:
Tyler - almost 4
Angel baby - January 2003 (11 weeks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (born at 30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC (intestinal premie complication))
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