Are you willing to try again?????

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby sjs40 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 01:50 am

Hi Anika

This is one I am really struggling with! I am 40yrs old, and have pcos with fertility problems. When I was married we went through all the tests, Clomid etc but nothing worked so we were referred for IVF/ICSI and were saving the money. We divorced before we tried the ICSI so when I met Chris I told him that I couldnt conceive without medical help, and due to changed financial circumstances we could not have afforded to pay for treatment now. We resigned ourselves to probably remaining childless.
At the end of 2002 we decided to see what would happen if we let nature take its course... early in Feb I realised that af was particularly late (my cycles are long and unpredictable), I did a test and it was positive! My long awaited baby had happened all by herself.
I couldnt relax at all as I knew that pcos gave a higher risk for miscarriage, but apart from some bleeding at 8 wks I was still pregnant... At 12 wks a nuchal scan gave a 1 in 29 risk of Down syndrome but we declined further testing due to risk of miscarriage and the fact that we wouldnt have terminated anyway. At 20 wks I got gestational diabetes complete with insulin 3 times a day, then at 26+4 I was admitted to hospital with severe pe and Ellie arrived at 27wks weighing just 1lb 4oz and with Down syndrome.
Ellie fought so hard to stay with us, she never needed ventilation and was just concentrating on growing. Ellie got ill at 25 days old and died of NEC and renal failure caused by it at 27 days old.

I thought I couldnt ever be pregnant, then Ellie arrived. Although I know that I couldnt help anything that happened, I feel so guilty that Ellie had so much to cope with in her short life, and find it particularly hard that the infection that killed her is one that is most common in tiny preemies. We can never replace Ellie, she was our miracle baby, but I feel that if we do not try again we are somehow doing her a great injustice. Its difficult to explain.....we were/are parents when we thought we couldnt be, and to not try again almost feels as though we are saying we have been there and it didnt work out so we will give up now.
The other problem is that we can see it all happening again and that is so scary. I have been told that I would be seen every week by the high risk unit at the hospital, but even that is not totally reassuring - it just means that they will be more aware of what is happening.
Time is the major issue if we do try again, Ellie was born 2 days after my 40th birthday, and we will not even consider trying again until after her 1st birthday. For obvious reasons we cannot leave it much longer either.

Sorry that is such a long post...there is so much going on in my head right now about all of this. I know you will totally understand as you are going through the same thoughts and fears.

Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby josiah1112 » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:48 pm

Hi Anika, (I like that name)

If my son would have survived I would have never contemplated the
possibility of trying again. Now and days I go back and forth with this in my mind. (My husband leaves it entirely up to me and says that he will support me with whatever I decide).
I would just hate to bring another baby into this world to suffer! I know this is something that I cannot control... it hurts me because
I have such a good reputation of doing miracles with other people's
children (I am a special ed teacher) and I feel like I couln't take
care of my own child....I know I did everything I could...

I am leaning towards trying again, but I have decided
that I would not do anything "aggressive" to fulfill that like surrogate mother-hood or IVF if we have a hard time conceiving.
I wouldn't want to "push" the situation, especially since God
will have the ultimate decision anyway.

Trying for now is out. We are relocating to a new state. This is
fine for me. I can still feel my body healing. I have also read
that trying too soon after a C- section puts you at increased
risk for uterine rupture.

Adoption is also something that I have dreamed of doing. I have
to wait to get settled in Florida before we can put in the paper-
work. I can't wait...

Take Care,
And I thank all you gals for sharing and you are right, we really
understand how high the stakes are.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 @ 26 wks pre e

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby angelkat » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:08 pm

After long talks and having consults with the peri we decided to try again. I was ready (so I thought) all along but DH was at a totally different place then I was. After Katlyne's first birthday he said he was ready and wanted TTC again. Here we are 12 weeks into this preg and yes, I had to stop work already and increase my BP meds BUT, so far it's going good. Yes, there will always be worry but I hope and pray this time it will be different. And I will be able to bring our little baby home with us...


Mommy to
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) and little bud (Due 09/11/04)

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby lisac » Tue Mar 02, 2004 06:07 pm

Hi Anika,

I'm absolutely determined to try again. Like Julie I have a gut feeling that I'm meant to be a mother. The risk to my own health/life, with careful monitoring, is very low; as for my baby, I've decided that all I can do is love that little life inside me. That's what I can control.
We'll be trying again, hopefully, in the next few months. I can't wait to follow both of you--Julie & Anika--through your subsequent pregancy. Maybe we'll all overlap!

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Re : Are you willing to try again?????

Postby julie f » Tue Mar 02, 2004 04:31 pm


We will try again, hopefully this month. When I was in the hospital before I delivered, I told my husband I wanted my tubes tied. After we lost our son, I wanted to be pregnant again that instant. Like you, I am not expecting another child to replace Zach but, I know without any doubt now that I am meant to be a Mommy. Everyone always tells you, you'll never understand what it's like until you have a child of your own. I now truly understand and that is my heart's desire.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

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Are you willing to try again?????

Postby amillhouse » Tue Mar 02, 2004 02:49 pm

Hi, everyone. This is not a survey, I just want to get some perspective from those who really understand. Given what we have all been through in losing a child/children, would you go through this again, especially knowing the risks of PE/HELLP?

I will respond first. When my son was still alive, I thought to myself, I will not be going through this again. But after he passed, and as the days go on and I get more information and expert opinion, I almost feel that I must try again - for myself, my husband, for my son. We are still a ways from finally deciding on this but I am acting like I am on the way to TTC.

I have no desire to try to replace Isaiah - no one could and I would never put that burden on another child. But I do feel that I could try again. We do intend on adopting in the future, but that was always our desire.

How do others feel? Will you try again and why or why not?

Mommy to Isaiah (angel) 1/20/04 - 2/17/04
28 weeks 1 day gestation

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