Are You a Mother?

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
taras mom
Registered User
Posts: 841
Joined: Thu May 01, 2003 01:30 am

Re : Are You a Mother?

Postby taras mom » Mon Mar 08, 2004 11:20 pm

We are moms indeed! I couldn't bring myself to celebrate Mother's Day last year, but this year I will.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
The Mightiest Little Angel

Registered User
Posts: 288
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2004 09:46 pm

Re : Are You a Mother?

Postby tinalowe » Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:04 pm


First off I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you.

As to your question, yes I definitely think of myself as a mommy. My little Emma was stillborn at 30 weeks. I knew I was pregnant from six weeks on. I think that was probably the happiest time of my life. I was in love with her from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I remember when I was bout ten weeks I woke up and was bleeding. I was so scared the only thought in my mind was that I had miscarried. My husband and I were scared to death. I already felt bonded with her and it grew throughout my pregnancy. She was my baby. I haven't had any problems with people in my life saying anything about my husband and I not being parents. My due date was yesterday and it was hard. I kept thinking I should have a healthy little baby in my arms right now. I don't know how others on here feel, but I don't regret having been pregnant with her. My health recovered very quickly thankfully. i also never suffered very much with the ecclampsia itself. I never knew anything was wrong until I woke up in the hospital after a c-section (I started having seizures so there's a blank). I loved her so much and I thank God for the blessing He gave me, she changed my life forever. We plan on trying to have more children, but I will always think of Emma as my first (because she was).


Emma Victoria stillborn December 28, 2003 @ 30weeks

Registered User
Posts: 1368
Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2003 09:50 pm

Re : Are You a Mother?

Postby josiah1112 » Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:13 am

Hi Anika,

Thanks for posting. I'm glad the forum is helping you, but
don't forget how much YOU help the rest of us grieving mothers
as well.
We ARE mommies. Nobody can ever take that away from us. Of
course we wish our babies were here with us so that we could see
them grow, but we have all experienced the frustration of wanting
to give our lives to protect our babies, and not being able to...
Mother's Day was a painful thought when I lost my son. The days
ahead of me seemed so endless and unbearable. How will I get through?
I would ask myself? I have decided (and I know my husband will support me) that I will celebrate Mother's Day with my mom. I do not think I will even go to church on this Sunday, because I think it would be too hard for me. I think it would be too hard to see
other moms with their babies on a day like Mother's Day.
I think we have to do what we find the most helpful to us at that

Take Care,
Thinking of You...

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03 - 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e

Registered User
Posts: 140
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 03:00 pm

Re : Are You a Mother?

Postby kimb » Mon Mar 08, 2004 08:12 am

I am still a mommy even though my little boy is in heaven. I know what you mean about others who weren't there not seeing our children as "real" - I have been battling that feeling a lot surrounding my brother and sister. They live halfway across the country and didn't see me while I was pregnant and not until 7 months after I lost William - when I finally when back because I needed to deal with that part of the greif process. I'm not sure what I expected from them - but I got nothing - they acted like everything was as before. I finally had to make them sit down and talk with me the night before we left.

I have already told my husband though - that I am not doing the traditional mothers day we usually do with family. I can't bear it this year. I will do something special for me in rememberance of Will - but I can't celebrate.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03

Registered User
Posts: 587
Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 05:09 am

Are You a Mother?

Postby amillhouse » Mon Mar 08, 2004 05:58 am

Hi, All:

First, I want to say that being on this forum has helped me so much. I am still in the midst of a lot of sorrow - this is one of the places I can come for comfort and support. Thanks to all you courageous women!

I have been thinking a lot about mother's day. Isaiah's due would have been 12 April with mother's day just around the corner. It makes me sad to think about it and I wonder how I am going to feel.

My first thought was that I am no longer a mommy - but now I am starting to think differently. Though I knew Isaiah for such a short time (4 weeks) the thing that made him so very special is that he made me a mommy - what an honour! I just want to know from other first-time mommies who lost their babies - do you still feel that you are a mommy? The thing is, if our babies had grown up and then died later on, no one would ever question if we were mommies. For example I am an American living in South Africa, so only my mother got to meet Isaiah when she was here, but I can tell that for others who never met him, Isaiah doesn't seem that real to them. When you lose a baby who dies so young, stillborn, etc., I think we tend to not see ourselves as mommies. I think that I AM a mommy. I see how my heart and perspective on life has truly changed for the better because of the short but beautiful existence of my son. I feel that it is WITHIN me to be a mommy now. I feel like I MUST have children (whether in trying again OR adoption). This is part of who I am now and the void and grief that I feel is partly because it seems that I can no longer achieve this.

I guess I should say we shouldn't judge each other for our responses but maybe just have a chance to share our feelings about this, if you wish.

Mommy to Isaiah (angel) 1/20/04 - 2/17/04
28 weeks 1 day gestation

Return to “Grief and Loss”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests