all i can think is why me?

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
melissam
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby melissam » Mon Feb 10, 637992 5:10 pm

Su, the first little while really is the worst. I am glad you have a team of doctors that is doing all they can to figure this out. I remember wondering a lot of the same things you have expressed. Will it happen again? Will I get pregnant again? Will I be Okay? What if this, what if that... the list goes on and on.

I really am so sorry for all that you have been going through. It is so difficult.

I hope you have a much better day tomorrow.

suleaf
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby suleaf » Sun Feb 09, 637992 2:27 pm

I am doing a little better today. It comes and goes. Some days I feel stronger. I am able to put it into perspective.... other days are hard and I just cry and cry. I miss my Mira so much... but at the same time, I think of the other options- how sick I was, how they told me they would have taken her at 23 weeks from me even if she was fine.... everyone is doing what they can- researching my placenta, doing bloodwork on me.... it's just crazy and overwhelming. Whatever gives me answers I am happy about- and I find myself focusing on the process of finding answers to make myself think about something else...

froggie89
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby froggie89 » Wed Jan 29, 637992 10:29 pm

I'm so sorry that you were having a bad day. All the feelings that you have we've all had at some point too. Being scared, being sad, feeling like you're going crazy, feeling like no one understands you, etc... The forums were the one place that I could come and be understood and feel normal. I'm glad that you're coming here to vent and find support. Sending you big hugs and wishes that the days ahead are more peaceful for you. Take care...

for faith
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby for faith » Fri Jan 17, 637992 8:02 am

Su - Thinking of you and your husband. I am so, so sorry for your loss of Mira. It is all so unfair. I found this forum a great help to me, for me the first months I felt I was living in a total fog and slowly came to a new normal. Glad that you are getting all the medical info possible, for me that did help in moving forward. It is very scary to realize how sick you were, it totally was for me. Take care, thinking of you.........

annes
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby annes » Thu Jan 16, 637992 11:10 pm

I felt similar emotions when I lost Griffin, why were some of these children able to survive, but he couldn't. I have not found the answers. On a more proactical note, on the sore breast thing, I found it was much better if I wore a bra all the time, to bed and everything. Take care of yourself.

dja
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby dja » Wed Jan 15, 637992 10:39 pm

Suleaf - also sending you big hugs. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. There is just no easy way to navigate the first days, weeks, months after losing your baby. I always tried to remind myself that if I made it through the day at all, that was something to be proud of. I remember that once I was in better health, maybe a month after Amelia was born, I found some solace in creating a garden for her in front of my house. There was something about being creative and doing something specifically for Amelia that did help. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

onesock
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby onesock » Mon Jan 06, 637992 1:09 pm

Su, just sending you a big hug...I am so sorry that you are having a bad day, but glad that you came here for support. It is easy to let the worries and sadness get the best of you and the why me question is always hard. Just wanted to send you hopes for and easier day.((hugs))

suleaf
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby suleaf » Mon Jan 06, 637992 1:00 pm

We will see a MFM or peri in a few weeks to do a fetal loss evaluation. They are gathering info on my placenta, running extensive blood work, did an autopsy on Mira... I want all the info they could get. They noticed issues with my placenta at 15 weeks so they are trying to figure out if placental failure caused my PE or if my PE caused my placenta to fail... as my doctor said, "It's the chicken or the egg".

I know I have to wait it out... but thank you both... you've calmed me down from a really bad day...

melissaanello
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby melissaanello » Mon Jan 06, 637992 12:51 pm

I am so sorry for your loss, I hate hearing when someone else has to go through what a lot of us have been through. For me the weeks after we lost Millie were horrible, all the questions, did I do something wrong, etc. For us also it took us about three years to finally get pregnant, when we found out I was so happy, a joy I had never felt before. I had a previous miscarraige and just figured that if I could get through the first 12 weeks I would be ok, I learned that lesson the hard way. Over the weeks I did start to heal, went to a few support meetings and this website was just wonderful. I think for me it is just one of those things you never find the answer to, why did it happen to us, why does it happen to anyone...no matter what the answer it is just unfair.

Have you been able to talk with a MFM or peri yet? Our meeting answered a lot of questions, we were still unsure if we even wanted to try again, I swore I just never wanted to go through that kind of heartbreak ever again.

I know it is not easy, some days for me are ok and happy, the next all I can think about is how different life should be...in a happy way. It is like I have a label now, the couple who lost a child, as if they should treat us differently. I hate that it happened and I hate that it still happens to people.

Please take care of yourself, this is just the best resource that I have, this website answered so many questions and made me feel like I was not alone, the feelings that I was having were normal, I do not post often but I read and check it several times a day.


joker
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Re : all i can think is why me?

Postby joker » Mon Jan 06, 637992 10:05 am

I know exactly how you feel. For me it has been 11 weeks since my daughter left me and I am still in recovery for PE. It can take awhile for your body to recover. I am still on BP meds (although down to one from the seven I was on when I left the hospital) and my kidney is still not functioning at 100% but my MFM assures me that it is rare for permenant kidney damage to be done with PE.

I know how scary it is to realize how sick you really were. I really did feel fine up until the very end before delivery and I definitely had no idea how sick I really was until after the fact. and I too am really scared about the future and I wish I had some answers for you, for me for all of us. The only thing I do know is that is ok to feel crazy, desperate, but most of all it is ok to feel sad.


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