Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby houstygirl » Sun Apr 18, 2004 08:38 pm

Hi, my name is Leanne and I'm in New Zealand. I came across this forum while trying to do some research about preeclampsia to gain more understanding of what has happened to me. 2 weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful wee boy Jonathan after being induced. I knew he was dead and this made the whole experience that much worse. Now that it is all over I am trying to come to terms with the fact that i had all the signs of PE but neither my doctor nor my midwife picked up on it. I am so angry that it could have all been prevented. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I miss my boy so much.

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas born still 3rd April 2004 31wks
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby kimb » Sun Apr 18, 2004 09:11 pm

I am glad you have found us too. I found this site in the same way - trying to find answers to why I lost my son. I am very sorry for your loss - I wish no mother ever had to go through the pain I have ever again, unfortunately you will find there are a number of us here who have lost our little ones. Let us know anytime you need us.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby sam » Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:08 am

Leanne
i am so very sorry for the loss of your precious jonathan.
There are no words to say, when you have lost something so wonderful, they are just not enough.

I had a problem when my GP missed my PE/HELLP, but my OB/GYN spotted it immediately but unfortunately for me also, my son was born still.
I can understand your anger at maybe it could have been prevented/ managed better??

Hows your physical health at the moment?

Look after yourself and take care.
xxxxx




sam
London,UK
severe PE/class 1 HELLP @ 27wks
13th oct 2003
mummy to angel jake
http://www.shattered-dreams.uk.com/jakehayman.htm
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby sjs40 » Mon Apr 19, 2004 02:59 pm

Leanne
I am sorry for the loss of your son Jonathan.

I too found this forum while looking for answers re pre-eclampsia and whether my treatment was correct. I was 'lucky' enough to spend a short time with my daughter Ellie, she survived for 27 days. I will be forever grateful for that time, although the pain of her loss will be with me forever.

I can understand your need to find out more about what has happened and I am sure you will find loads of support here.

Take care
Sue

Sue (40)
Chris (37)
DD Eleanor Susan (Ellie)
born at 27wks severe PE
24 July 03 - 20 August 03
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby houstygirl » Mon Apr 19, 2004 03:01 pm

Physically I'm ok. The bleeding has nearly stopped and my boobs have stopped hurting and leaking. Mentally I'm a wreck. People ask me how I am and I cry, I can't help it, the tears just come out. I don't know what to do with myself half the time because I have gone from preparing my house etc for a baby to doing nothing. I have a huge feeling of "what do I do now?"

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas born still 3rd April 2004 31wks
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby josiah1112 » Mon Apr 19, 2004 09:10 pm

Hi Leanne,

I'm so sorry about your baby. We are living proof of how cruel this disease can be. I know that feeling all too well that you describe.
It's a deep yearning and emptiness for what I had and was taken away from me... I hope you will continue to heal. Please read books to
help you. Books like Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg. Take care of yourself.


Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby eleni » Mon Apr 19, 2004 09:42 pm

Like everybody here, we are so sorry for your loss. Please know, unlike so many well-intentioned, but empty expressions of sympathy, we DO have an inkling of an idea how you are feeling and mourn with you in so many ways. Everybody does experience grief differently, so recovery will be different for each. In addition to perusing some of the grief and loss books out there, I might suggest using your hands and heart to be creative at this time. Even if you don't fancy yourself an artist or a gardener, now is a great time to pick up a paintbrush, some crayons and just create whatever comes to you - real or surreal, colors, images, whatever. It's not for anybody but you. Getting your hands in the dirt can also be therapeutic. Plant some seeds, a memorial tree or bush. Journaling, writing a letter to your beloved baby, his father, yourself in 20 years. Prayer, even if you don't consider yourself spiritual. Play music that speaks to where your heart is now. These aren't meant to be distractions, but rather expressions of your grief. Don't apologize for it and don't try to put on a brave face for others. You will quickly learn who among family and friends "gets it" and is there for you. Certainly, we are, but the medicine of a real live hug and a shoulder to sob on is very important.
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby julie f » Tue Apr 20, 2004 11:15 am

Leanne,

I am so very sorry for your loss. There are just no words I can offer but, I will keep you close at heart and in my prayers.

I too lost my son to this horrible disease in July of 2003. When I came home from the hospital, I too was left with the question - what to do now...? I had stopped working shortly before I became pregnant so, my whole focus had been on my baby - preparing the house, dreaming of the future, buying little clothes and little books, making plans for our 1st Christmas together, etc. About 2 weeks after Zach died and we stopped getting the phone calls and the cards and letters and life returned to "normal" for everyone around me - I began to wake up each day in a panic thinking, what will fill my day, what do I do? To be honest, I don't remember much about the first couple months after Zach died. I couldn't sleep at night and would stay up until 3 or 4 each morning until I finally passed out and then I would try and sleep as long as I could the next day, hoping to pass the time... Looking back, I realize that I should've sought professional help but, I just didn't want to see anymore doctors, I just didn't really want to leave my house. What I learned was that talking with people helps and I am forever in debt to this Foundation and the few friends with whom I could share Zach with. It has been a long nine months and there are still times when I feel like it was only yesterday. There is no way to get through the grief but by going straight through it and you will find like others have mentioned that it is sometimes 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Please don't be afraid to lean on the people that you trust, especially the women here.

Please don't hesitate to email me if there is any way that I can help you. pelote77@aol.com

Keeping you close at heart and in my prayers,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Southern California Coordinator
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby for faith » Wed Apr 21, 2004 09:41 am

Leanne - I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter Faith was born at 30 weeks (c-section) due to severe PE in January. She lived for 25 days and died due to premie complications. I still feel like I am living in a nightmare, but things are getting better a little each day.

It is terrible that your dr didn't pick up on the PE, but you should know that the outcome may have been the same even if things were caught early. I was watched very closely because I had PIH with my son and my blood pressure was continuing to get higher and higher with this pregnancy, but I still had to deliver because things were progressively getting worse with my liver and kidneys. Delivery is the only option.

I am so sorry you had to join this terrible group, I hope that you find peace. Learning the most I could has helped some for me.

Take Care,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(premie complications))
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Re : Unfortunately I've joined your club.....

Postby houstygirl » Wed Apr 21, 2004 02:32 pm

Something I don't understand is that some of you have have c-sections for a stillborn child. That is something they just don't do here. I had no choice but to have my baby normally. At first I wanted them to just knock me out and take him out, but then I realised that it makes it more real having to deliver him.
They give you the choice of being induced or letting it happen naturally but because of the PE I was told I needed to be induced.

My midwife wasn't at the birth, it was described to her by the doctor as a "Viscious labour"...and it was. I went from 1cm to 10cm in just under an hour. They told me I'd be drugged up to the eyeballs and so would feel some pain but also feel "separated" from it all. The medication they gave me wasn't something that they would normally give women in labour and so they didn't know how much to give me so the first 3/4 of it was done as if I'd had a couple of Gins. The aneasthetist (sp) was called in and he pumped me full of more of what they were giving me and also a drug to make me forget. I unfortunately forgot everything from when he was born until about 2 hours after, rather than the actual labour.
I was having three 20 sec contractions a minute, so not even time to breathe in between. They wanted to give me an epidural but couldn't because it was too dangerous. They did manage to take blood from me tho and I got a huge bruise on my arm from my husband holding me down while they did it. They couldn't take my BP because of the contractions being so close and severe, the doctor took her own to make sure the machine was working and hers was 160/100...during MY labour!
My husband has been a bit shaken up over it all because he thought I was dying...he still can't get the images out of his head.
I have been assured that it was about as far from a "normal" labour as it could have been, and not to let it put me off trying again.

Truth is I would do it all again tomorrow to have Jonathan back with me.

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas born still 3rd April 2004 31wks
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