I am so very sorry for your loss. There are just no words I can offer but, I will keep you close at heart and in my prayers.
I too lost my son to this horrible disease in July of 2003. When I came home from the hospital, I too was left with the question - what to do now...? I had stopped working shortly before I became pregnant so, my whole focus had been on my baby - preparing the house, dreaming of the future, buying little clothes and little books, making plans for our 1st Christmas together, etc. About 2 weeks after Zach died and we stopped getting the phone calls and the cards and letters and life returned to "normal" for everyone around me - I began to wake up each day in a panic thinking, what will fill my day, what do I do? To be honest, I don't remember much about the first couple months after Zach died. I couldn't sleep at night and would stay up until 3 or 4 each morning until I finally passed out and then I would try and sleep as long as I could the next day, hoping to pass the time... Looking back, I realize that I should've sought professional help but, I just didn't want to see anymore doctors, I just didn't really want to leave my house. What I learned was that talking with people helps and I am forever in debt to this Foundation and the few friends with whom I could share Zach with. It has been a long nine months and there are still times when I feel like it was only yesterday. There is no way to get through the grief but by going straight through it and you will find like others have mentioned that it is sometimes 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Please don't be afraid to lean on the people that you trust, especially the women here.
Please don't hesitate to email me if there is any way that I can help you. firstname.lastname@example.org
Keeping you close at heart and in my prayers,
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Southern California Coordinator