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Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

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Re : Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

Postby julie f » Thu Apr 29, 2004 03:40 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Thu Apr 29, 2004 03:40 pm

Catherine - Hungry eyes... a perfect way to describe it I think. There are times when I catch myself watching others children with such longing, so badly wanting that to be me.

When I catch myself I just look away and pray no one else noticed...

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Praying for a miracle... TTC #2 is a go!

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Re : Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

Postby gossamer » Thu Apr 29, 2004 07:20 pm

by gossamer (242 Posts), Thu Apr 29, 2004 07:20 pm

I know that right after my baby died, I desperately held any baby I could get my hands on. Now, 9 months later it is much harder for me to see an infant. My first thought is "What did they do to deserve a baby?" I know that's not fair to them, but that's how I feel. So yes, it does hurt when I see other babies. Especially babies that were born around Mary Rose's due date. It is not so bad when I see babies born when she actually was, because she was born 4 months early. It also seems to matter if I like or know the parents. If I like the parents, I have less of a problem with their baby. If I don't like or don't know the parents, I start getting snarky with my thoughts.

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were a minute old, I would have died for you.
This is the miracle of life. " -Maureen Hawkins
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Re : Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

Postby kimb » Thu Apr 29, 2004 07:30 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Thu Apr 29, 2004 07:30 pm

It seems I am constantly confronting this issue. My boss and his wife were pregnant and people wanted to have a party for them. I declined as I can be happy for them - but can't join in the celebration. Another co-worker is pregnant and is high risk for other reasons (due to previously having a broken pelvis and other issues). I have been doing ok with her pregnancy - she seeks me out when she needs support and we talk and I give her lots of reassurances. When she thought she was miscarrying I told her to be calm and that I would talk to Will that night and ask to keep an eye out for her and her baby. She'll give me updates and tell me to tell Will he's doing a good job. It was very hard when she was at 20 weeks last week and that was where I was when I lost Will.

I also had a nephew born 3 weeks before I lost Will. It was very hard to see him as a little person or to look at his pictures. When I finally did meet him 7 months later (they live halfway across the country) it helped greatly to see him and hold him. When first holding him I was crying and my sister went to take him - but I needed to hold him.

After nearly 10 months though I do still try to divert my eyes from babies - it just hurts too much.

Others can't determine how long we should hurt as we do. Don't let anyone tell you it has been too long. We each need to heal in our own time. Take care.

Kim 35
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Re : Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

Postby amillhouse » Thu Apr 29, 2004 08:03 pm

by amillhouse (587 Posts), Thu Apr 29, 2004 08:03 pm

Hungry eyes - gosh, that is such a hurtful yet accurate way to put it. I know for me at those moments I don't want anyone to notice my longing and definitely don't want anyone to hand me their baby! I would prefer to just have that as a private moment that I get through on my own.


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20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
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Re : Does it hurt you when you see other babies?

Postby calliesmom » Fri Apr 30, 2004 11:15 am

by calliesmom (22 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 11:15 am

All of you echo how I feel whenever I see a baby. Jealous thoughts, a "hunger", all go through my mind. Sometimes, I even think about how I'll never get to do this or that with my daughter. I have been told NOT to become pregnant again, and my poor husband, after almost losing me twice doesn't want to risk it either. I have to say, seeing babies does not seem to be getting any easier. I lost Callie in November, and I'm not any better at handling it now. At first, I think I was just numb to everything, but now, all of it has settled in, and it can be just devestating. I am so glad that this forum exists. It is one of the few places I feel "normal".

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