I was actually just thinking of posting about this... A while ago, I had told my husband that I just wanted to get away for the weekend and spend it together alone, not with our families. Then, my sister in law recently called and said that my new nephew's dedication would be that day with a mother's day & dedication lunch to follow... I am very close with her and want to be there with her and my nephew but, I was bummed that she chose that day, I thought it was a little insensitive. Of course, I have to realize that the world doesn't revolve around me and my feelings... Last weekend I was up at the in-laws for her welcoming baby shower and what happened confirmed the fact that I just don't think I'll be able to go.
A little background... My mother-in-law and I have typical "in-law" issues but, for the most part get along well. When it comes to discussing Zach though, she is one person with whom I choose not to talk with. I know she means well but she always refers to him as "our boy," "our little angel," and has said things like, "I can't believe that this has happened to our family." I know he was her grandson but, I just want to scream that he was MINE, that this didn't happen to her, it happened to ME. She even has a picture of him on her keychain. I find all of this highly insensitive and to top it off, whenever she does speak about what happened, she gets this very thick sympathy voice, like pity.
But, moving on to what happened at my nephew's shower... I walked in on my mother-in-law and mom talking. My MIL was saying, "Oh, I'm just so sorry, it's just so awful, we didn't get to have one for your grandson too." I just turned around and walked away. How dare she. I was beside myself and could not get away fast enough. One DH's cousins overheard as well and said that she is always bringing it up and has said to other family members that she's worried about me because I don't talk about my grief...
I told my husband that I think I just don't think I can handle a repeat of that on Mother's Day. I am normally very good at smiling and walking away but, I think I might just lose it next time. Maybe I'm being selfish but, I told my husband that I think for this day, I'm entitled... At least I think so, but who knows.
Anyway, sorry for the novel, I really needed to vent! I'm praying for a peaceful day for all of us.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Praying for a miracle... TTC #2 is a go!
Southern California Coordinator