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Mother's Day

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Mother's Day

Postby josiah1112 » Fri Apr 30, 2004 06:34 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 06:34 pm

How is everyone doing with this upcoming date? I am
about to e-mail my closest friends and tell them that
I will be HIGHLY offended if they do not wish me a
happy mother's day on May 9th.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e

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Re : Mother's Day

Postby julie f » Fri Apr 30, 2004 07:55 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 07:55 pm

I was actually just thinking of posting about this... A while ago, I had told my husband that I just wanted to get away for the weekend and spend it together alone, not with our families. Then, my sister in law recently called and said that my new nephew's dedication would be that day with a mother's day & dedication lunch to follow... I am very close with her and want to be there with her and my nephew but, I was bummed that she chose that day, I thought it was a little insensitive. Of course, I have to realize that the world doesn't revolve around me and my feelings... Last weekend I was up at the in-laws for her welcoming baby shower and what happened confirmed the fact that I just don't think I'll be able to go.

A little background... My mother-in-law and I have typical "in-law" issues but, for the most part get along well. When it comes to discussing Zach though, she is one person with whom I choose not to talk with. I know she means well but she always refers to him as "our boy," "our little angel," and has said things like, "I can't believe that this has happened to our family." I know he was her grandson but, I just want to scream that he was MINE, that this didn't happen to her, it happened to ME. She even has a picture of him on her keychain. I find all of this highly insensitive and to top it off, whenever she does speak about what happened, she gets this very thick sympathy voice, like pity.

But, moving on to what happened at my nephew's shower... I walked in on my mother-in-law and mom talking. My MIL was saying, "Oh, I'm just so sorry, it's just so awful, we didn't get to have one for your grandson too." I just turned around and walked away. How dare she. I was beside myself and could not get away fast enough. One DH's cousins overheard as well and said that she is always bringing it up and has said to other family members that she's worried about me because I don't talk about my grief...

I told my husband that I think I just don't think I can handle a repeat of that on Mother's Day. I am normally very good at smiling and walking away but, I think I might just lose it next time. Maybe I'm being selfish but, I told my husband that I think for this day, I'm entitled... At least I think so, but who knows.

Anyway, sorry for the novel, I really needed to vent! I'm praying for a peaceful day for all of us.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

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Re : Mother's Day

Postby josiah1112 » Fri Apr 30, 2004 08:23 pm

by josiah1112 (1368 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 08:23 pm

Oh, my goodness Julie. Please DO NOT force yourself to
attend. Maybe you can spend some time with her and the
baby before or after? About your MIL, have you considered
having a one on one talk with her? She may be feeling so
unresolved about things herself that she may not be able to
help but wonder how you are doing. Maybe if you reassure
her that though you appreciate her concern[}:)] you ARE
getting your emotional needs met through other venues.

I overheard my mom (who is great and extra
supportive) having one of these conversations with a
friend. I was SO horrified. It's as if listening to it
only confirmed what I had been thinking.

I will be thinking of you and other Mother's like us
on this day.

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e

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Re : Mother's Day

Postby julie f » Fri Apr 30, 2004 09:17 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 09:17 pm

Thanks Gloria,

I know, I should talk to her. It's funny, I'm 27 years old you'd think I'd be able to confront things like that by now... At some point I have to though as our relationship has started to become strained and that's not fair to dh, Zach, or my MIL.

Thanks for the support and I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day too.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Praying for a miracle... TTC #2 is a go!

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Re : Mother's Day

Postby kimb » Fri Apr 30, 2004 09:37 pm

by kimb (140 Posts), Fri Apr 30, 2004 09:37 pm

I am with you Julie...I told my husband that I will not be going to the annual mothers day brunch this year. It is always with my MIL/SIL and her MIL. (my mom is in Iowa I'm in Washington). I'm actually surprised no one has called yet to say what time and where yet. They too like to say they lost him too - but they have no idea what we go through. Last week in therapy I brought up Mothers Day and my homework for this week is to come up with some kind of ritual that my husband and I can do to celebrate the time that we did have with William and remember our happy memories. I don't want to ignore it completely, but I too just want it to be Mike and I. I too have some issues with my MIL and am afraid that one of these times my therapist will want me to confront that too!

Personally I have been dreading this day for months! I know my apprehension is always worse that things turn out - so I'm sure I'll be ok. I will be thinking of all of us and our angels that day.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03
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Re : Mother's Day

Postby angelkat » Sat May 01, 2004 05:43 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Sat May 01, 2004 05:43 am

Last Mother's Day was the hardest for me, since it was the first Mother's Day I had to deal with. DH was very sweet went out and got a card and a balloon. I sent the balloon up towards the sky to tell Katlyne I know that she was there with me. It was rather a peaceful day for us.

Our families live far away so it's just DH,the boys and I here. But on the inlaws side, my inlaws "pretend" that Katlyne wasn't alive. They keep saying well Rachel is the only girl in the family NOT.. Katlyne is still a part of the family!... They put her all of her pictures away because it might have been to painful for anyone to see. I each and every one a picture of Katlyne after she passed away sitting in the garden with no ET tube. My FIL called my DH and yelled at him to say how dare I send a picture to the family of my dead daughter. Not a very happy reponse came back from me....

I could go on and on about inlaws but don't want to bore you!!!...
Sending all of you HUGE HUGS,prayers for comfort and peace to get thru the hard days...


Hugs
~T

Mommy to
Drew(13)
Ky (11)
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03) & Casey (EDD 09/10 or 09/11-Sure he will be here in Aug)
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V
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Re : Mother's Day

Postby mada » Sat May 01, 2004 06:15 am

by mada (4081 Posts), Sat May 01, 2004 06:15 am

Hey Julie,
I am sorry that all hppaned last weekend. I have a very hard time with confrontation too. Have you thought about sitting down and writing a letter to your MIL? I have such an easy time expressing myself on paper and well...if you say something a little well....(something you didn't want to say), you have a handy eraser. I would like to extend to the all of you a big HAppy Mothers Day. We are all moms no matter what. Take good care!!!

Mada Harpster

Sam 6-29-00 36weeks P.E.
Ben 11-03-01 No P.E.
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Re : Mother's Day

Postby hannahsmom » Sat May 01, 2004 06:55 am

by hannahsmom (1141 Posts), Sat May 01, 2004 06:55 am

Julie,

I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go on Sunday. If your in-laws can't understand why you're not going, then they need good dose of reality (and a lesson in sensitivity!) I can't stand my MIL. She was so awful when Hannah was in the NICU. She was embarrassed of her because she looked so bad. She refused to show her picture to anyone and would not come see her. But she and FIL loved the sympathy and attention they got while Hannah was in the hospital. I will never forgive her...ever! I just can't. We never talked about the awful comments she made, and I won't bring it up. Hubby says I need to get over it, but too bad, I won't. Anyway, I think you and hubby should get away together and enjoy the weekend - just the two of you. You're such a strong person. I admire you and all of the wonderful women on this board.



Suzanne
Mommy to Miss Hannah Rose
26.5 weeker born 8/24/01
severe pre-e & IUGR
1 pound, 1 ounce
12 inches
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Re : Mother's Day

Postby taras mom » Sat May 01, 2004 11:05 pm

by taras mom (841 Posts), Sat May 01, 2004 11:05 pm

I'm sorry to hear there are so many problems-in-law! I'm not sure what we'll do for Mother's Day (maybe look for kittens to adopt[:D]), but I'll be thinking of all of you.

Carol (38)
DH Bill (40)
Tara Mairichi
12/7-12/9, 2002
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Re : Mother's Day

Postby for faith » Mon May 03, 2004 01:27 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Mon May 03, 2004 01:27 pm

Wanted you to know I will be thinking of all of you on Mother's Day.

I got special bracelets for my mom, MILs (I have 2 by the way, double the fun! - they have been great with all of this luckily) and me. I am going to try and focus on Mother's Day on the positive things, but want a special time to remember Faith.

Take care and hugs to you all.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(premie complications))
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