Life...Just going through the motions

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
rnprissy
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby rnprissy » Mon Oct 20, 2008 09:44 pm

Thanks lisa for understanding my issue with work life and home life. I hope your journey in this field brings you joy and not sadness. Brianned5, I'm so sorry that you loss your sweel angel..at my daughter's 3 month anniversary I was in a fog. Now I know it's real and she's not coming back and I'm just incredibely hurt and just moving through life without any real joy. I understand going to the cemetery often. As I said.. I go once a week and If I don't go (now that I'm in a routine) I feel guilty. I go to be near her but also to make sure that my daughter's gravesite is beautiful all the time. I prayed for a little girl and I had all the ideas in my head of what a mother and daughter would be like. She had so many beautiful things and since she will never use them I just like to feel like she is still being kept like I would have had her. She was loved and wanted by everyone...she was the only girl in my family in 15 years. It makes me feel awful that all I have left is her grave but even worst if i knew it was neglected. I know for many they feel like their loved one is not at the cemetery and I respect that but like you I know her remains are there and that's the only thing I know for sure... so that is where I want to be. Lisa I know you said your daughter was far away but take comfort that she's with family. I struggle with ever moving because I feel I need to be near her. she is buried in the cemetery that her great grand parents are in but in the baby section..there is something comforting about that for me as well..I imagine her playing with all the other angels around her.

brianned5
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby brianned5 » Mon Oct 20, 2008 05:31 pm

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. It's been three months since my baby passed away and I visit the cemetery every day. I only live about 1 minute away. I know a lot of people think it's strange for me to visit everyday, but that's where my sweet baby's body is. You have to do what gives you some bit of peace. Your tribute to her is beautiful.

lisainnj
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby lisainnj » Sun Oct 19, 2008 05:00 pm

Nikii, how do people think you can get over it? Nine months is not enough. You will learn to carry the grief and even be happy again, but the grief will always be part of you and you will be changed forever by Laila's life and the loss of her. It's a blessing you can go to her grave once a week - my baby is 700 miles away, tucked in with family.

I went to nursing school right after I lost my baby - graduating in two weeks. Many's the time I cried the whole way home when I had to take care of babies or new moms. So here's thinking of you and all the nurses who hide their pain to take care of their patients. (((hugs)))

debbie78
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby debbie78 » Sun Oct 19, 2008 09:08 am

Thank you for sharing that. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. It makes no sense at all when babies die-- it makes even less sense when babies fight for months and months and then this happens. I am so sorry. Holding you & sweet Laila close to my heart. <3

rebeccac
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby rebeccac » Sun Oct 19, 2008 07:33 am

Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. It is a beautiful tribute indeed.

I can't comprehend how difficult it must be for you to go to work and do your job but THANK YOU for the work that you do. Many of us here hold nurses close in our hearts for all that they do.

neslo
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby neslo » Sun Oct 19, 2008 07:22 am

Nikii - I have asked myself why so many times in the last 10 months. That more than anything haunts me. Why did I get pregnant after trying for so long only to have my duaghter taken from me? Why did I get PE? My list of why's goes on forever...

It is so completely normal to feel that way. I am still working on learning to accept that there isn't an answer to all of my questions. I have days that are "good" and I'm thankful for having been able to spend even a short amount of time with my daughter. On those days I can feel the joy that she brought us. But then there are days when I am just mad - mad at the world, mad at anyone and anything.

My therapist has helped me come to accept that there is no good or bad way to feel, no right or wrong. Emotions shouldn't be judged. They are just there with you. Whatever you are feeling is OK. So be mad if that's what you're feeling right now - or sad, or happy or anything. Your duty and responsibility is to you. Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Loosing a child is more than anyone should have to learn to accept.

I hope you can find some peace and comfort. ((hugs))

rnprissy
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby rnprissy » Sun Oct 19, 2008 00:22 am

Hello everyonee..Thank you for thekind words. I am having one of those days!!!.... I am a pediatric nurse so this lost feels like a slap in the face some days. I've spent the last 10+ years of my life dedicated to caring for other people's children and my daughter is gone. I get preemies all the time that are thriving...It is so hard somedays to even go to work..and today was one of those days. I know I never will know the answer but everyday I ask God why? why Us? Have I not been unselfish enough?

onesock
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby onesock » Sat Oct 18, 2008 00:34 am

Thank you for sharing the video of your precious daughter, Laila...what a beautiful name and a beautiful girl. I am so glad that you found this board and know that you will find un-ending support whenever you need it around here. Sending you a big comforting hug and my sincerest sympathy for your pain and loss.

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rosemary
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby rosemary » Sat Oct 18, 2008 00:17 am

Nikii, there is no 'getting over it'. It seems to be such a common comment that is used or implied to those who have lost a child. For me, after my loss, there was no more 'normal' as I knew it. Loss left me with a new normal, and everyday, I had to learn to cope and adjust to it. Losing my son rocked my world and my faith. Losing a child is truly a life-changing event.

You mentioned feeling guilty when your mind drifts. I distinctly remember when I laughed out loud the first time after I lost my son. I immediately burst into tears because I laughed - I felt that if I experienced any happiness, that I was not grieving properly, and that I was betraying his memory. Slowly, but surely, I came to accept that I was allowed to have joy in my heart, and miss my child at the same time.

You should visit the cemetery as often as you like. We all grieve and handle loss in our own way - and whatever works for you is what you should do. If there is something that brings you comfort and peace, do it - you deserve some peace in your heart.

Thinking of you and Laila....(((HUGS)))

rnprissy
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Re : Life...Just going through the motions

Postby rnprissy » Fri Oct 17, 2008 10:27 pm

I am so touched that so many of you have taken the time to offer your support. I try everyday to push forward and try and see a light at the end of this journey but it's still so dark. I want to learn and grow from this but I feel more like I'm stunted then anything. I watched my little girl fight so hard.. She had proken legs and was intubated for 3 months and it just sucks that it was in vain and right when she was thriving. I am very grateful that you all have watched her tribute I have this burning desire to keep her memory alive. I know that nothing in me will ever forget my daughter but when my mind drifts from her I feel guilty almost like i'm not being true to her. I know it's unhealthy but it's real. I go to the cemetey and sit with her every week.. It brings me comfort to be near her. I was wondering how many of you still if at all frequent the cemetery and has the need to go become less for you people always tell me to tuck her in my heart but I want to scream she is but I want her in my arms... For me I can't think of a better place for her then with her mother and I'm a person of faith but that has been rocked. Thanks for listening to me rant. I am feeling a little vulnerable and it helps to know you understand. It boggles my mind that people ask me what's wrong when i'm down and when I state the obvious they act surprised.... As if 9 months is enough to be "over it" thanks for the hugs guys


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