Missing what could have been...

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby kbunsey » Wed Nov 26, 2008 03:48 pm

I think it is so normal for you to have these feelings during your current pregnancy and really, to just have them whenever they come up. I am sad for you, but glad for you too. Which seems to be the new norm after loss, living in the paradox of happy and sad, glad and mad.

And I say/feel similar things all the time, "I just wanted HER." I long for her and miss her so much. So, whenever I feel that way I tell her how I feel. My counselor suggested that this is perfectly all right to do.

The Christmas stuff is getting kind of hard these days too. I think my husband was crying at Target the other day but didn't want me to know. Im trying to figure out which is the best route for me - to avoid the baby aisles, thus avoid the associated saddness or to go right through them and feel the associated emotions and just get on w/ it.

Thank you for sharing and please keep sharing. I appreciate your honesty - it is so helpful. I think it is very healthy to talk/write/share about it. Sending you a BIG HUG and a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're being good to yourself.

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby isabella » Tue Nov 18, 2008 03:59 pm


My heart goes out to you. I also lost a little girl and I have three older boys that miss her and talk about her mostly everyday. I know how it feels. I was reading your post and brougt tears to my eyes and pain to my heart because I can understand how painful it is to to miss what could have been.


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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby brianned5 » Tue Nov 18, 2008 08:45 am

My heart goes out to you. It's been almost 4 months since Kylie passed away and would also be her first Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's true that even joyous times are tinged with sadness. Our little one's will always be in our hearts, I just wish they could be in our arms as well. Congratulations on the precious little boy.

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby annes » Mon Nov 17, 2008 08:11 am

Su, hope you are having a better day today. HUGS

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby debbie78 » Sun Nov 16, 2008 07:31 pm

Su, I am so sorry. ((((Hugs))))

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby jana m » Sun Nov 16, 2008 03:36 pm

I just had to respond to this...

I really know how you feel. I have a beautiful little boy after loosing three little girls. I know my girls would have been so protective of their brother and I know my little boy would have loved growing up with his big sisters.

I too, think about all of the things I would have done with my daughters. It hurts so much sometimes to think about what will never be.

It's really hard, Su. Lots of hugs to you.

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby wrennie » Sun Nov 16, 2008 11:30 am

Thinking of you Su and little Mira. She will always be with you and a big sister to your little man.

Your words make me cry too, We are on such similar time lines with our losses and with our new hope. Hang in there, we will get through this and finally feel the joy in our arms. We have to hope for that and pray to Mira and Elodie to help us be strong.

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby neslo » Sun Nov 16, 2008 07:55 am

Su - I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now. All of the what if's are so hard to handle some days. Mira will always be a big sister - just in a different way. ((HUGS))

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby angelkat » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:59 pm


wishing you peace....

For me, I have three boys at home and i get all the time, hummm.... Three boys why didn't you try one more time for a girl. At times, I just want to say hey dumb butt, I DO have a little girl she is just not here on earth.

When we were told Casey was a boy a part of me was happy because I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with having another daughter and would I compare them, or maybe even think Casey was replacing Katlyne.

Hang in there.....

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Re : Missing what could have been...

Postby rosemary » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:55 pm

Su - thinking of you and wishing you peace today. (((HUGS)))

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